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14February   {Dating} FOF Online Dating Guide from Ourtime.com




Navigating the dating scene can be tricky for an FOF, navigating the online dating scene can be downright terrifying. Whether you've tried online dating before, or are taking the plunge for the first time, getting started can be overwhelming and confusing. What kind of photos should you upload? How should you describe yourself? Where should you meet on your first date? Is it okay to message him first?  FOF Lisa (name changed for the purpose of this story) has tried dating sites in the past, but never had much luck. "The matches were not right for me," Lisa says, "Sometimes they would like me and I didn't care for them.  This happened vice versa as well." FabOverFifty moderated a tutorial with Lisa, relationship expert Dr. Terri Orbuch and the tech experts at OurTime.com to help Lisa get her bearings in the world of online dating, since OurTime caters specifically to single FOF men and women. Many of Lisa’s questions and fears about online dating were ones we could all relate to. So, here, we excerpted our FOFavorite tips from from Dr. Orbach during the session. Read on...





Choose an intriguing username.
Dr. Orbuch recommends FOFs don’t use their real names. “Instead use something that describes you and is upbeat and appropriate,” she says. “Remember that you are advertising yourself, so make it something interesting and memorable."

Examples: FloridaGal, IceSkaterLady, GolferInTexas.

Lisa used the color of her hair coupled with a fun nickname as her username.



Honesty is the best policy.
Lisa has always been honest when filling out her online dating profile, but has found that some potential matches are sometimes untruthful.  "Even if other people aren't being honest, still tell the truth," says Dr. Orbuch.  "Be as honest as possible. You don't want to start a relationship with a lie.” Another bonus to being honest? “You won't have to always remember what height or weight or occupation you listed on your profile when you're speaking with a potential match," Dr Orbuch says.



When filling out your profile, be specific and positive.
"Instead of saying I like to read books, say which books are your favorites," says Dr. Orbuch.  "Studies show that the more positive things you can put into your personal description, the more appealing you will be to others." Lisa is a writer who loves to ski and bicycle, and just became a grandmother for the first time, all things that Dr. Orbuch recommended she include.



Hash out your relationship deal breakers.
"Write down the qualities of the partner that you want," says Dr. Orbuch. "You’ll need to decide what qualities are important to you, and what are the dealbreakers. Knowing what you want out of a relationship gives you a better chance of identifying that person when their profile comes up in front of you."  Lisa wants a partner who is open to trying new things, who is active like she is, and who doesn't smoke, all traits she listed in OurTime's "about the one I'm looking for" section.





Choose a great photo.
According to Dr. Orbuch the first photo that shows up on your profile is most critical. "The first photo should be a great photo of your face--not one where people have to pick you out of a crowd,” she says. “Then add three or four more photos that really flesh out who you are -- photos of you on vacation, traveling, and doing the things that you love." Lisa chose to include photos of her at a Chinese garden, and at a celebration with her friends.



Be upfront about your past relationships
When Lisa had some hesitation about revealing her past relationships, Dr. Orbuch discussed the pros and cons with her.  "An advantage of putting past relationships on your profile is that right off the bat potential partners know and understand your relationship status," says Dr. Orbuch. "The disadvantage of putting this in your profile is that some people may not look at you or your profile seriously given your past. But then again, you probably aren't compatible with that person anyway. You don't need to write details about your ex-relationship or your ex-partner--just that you divorced or have been married before."



Political affiliations and religion aren't off limits.
While many dating experts recommend that you avoid touchy subjects like religion or politics on a first date, Dr. Orbuch encourages you to include this on your online dating profile under certain circumstances.  "If it is a strong identity of yours and affects things like what money you spend or what shows you watch, then it's an important factor of your life, and you should put it down," Dr. Orbuch says.  "However, if you feel like it's something that's going to alienate people, I would leave it blank." Lisa opted to keep her religious and political affiliations private.





Don't wait for him to contact you!
Lisa said she’s “old-fashioned” and waits for a potential match to contact her, instead of messaging someone whose profile sparks her interests. Dr. Orbuch explained that with online dating gender conventions don’t necessarily apply. "Look for yourself, and send emails to those who spark your interests,” says Dr. Orbuch. “Remember, just because he's coming up in your search doesn't necessarily mean that you're coming up in his, so if you see someone you like, send a message!"



Keep your first message simple.
"Short and simple is fine," says Dr. Orbuch. To make the first exchange easier, Ourtime.com asks that each user selects three conversation starters that their potential matches can ask them.  Lisa chose: Describe your relationship with your family; Describe four of your main goals; and Tell me your strange or hidden talents.



Wait at least a week before meeting a potential match.
"Intimacy develops faster when you're online," says Dr. Orbuch. "When you're on a computer you feel more free, and are likely to say more about yourself than you ever would face to face. Wait at least a week before you actually call or meet face to face." Lisa said she always follows this rule, since her busy work schedule doesn't allow for spur of the moment meetups.



Use a cellphone when talking to someone you met online.
"I encourage people to use cell phones rather than work or home phones when talking with a match, just in case you don't want that person to call you again,” says Dr. Orbuch. “It's much more difficult to change a home or work phone number than a cell phone number." Lisa takes an extra precaution by having her cell phone ID blocked for privacy.





Meet in a public place on your first date.
Dr. Orbuch suggests meeting in a neutral spot such as a coffee shop, miniature golf, ice-skating, a concert in a park, biking, a visit to the local farmer's market, etc. "Don't let them pick you up or drop you off,” says Dr. Orbuch. "This allows you to be more in control of the situation, and minimizes unknown elements of the date as much as possible. It should make you feel more comfortable. This is also a good idea for safety reasons. Only after you've gotten to know them better, do you share where you live and more personal information." She also recommends meeting for a short period of time on your first date, two and a half hours maximum.



Tell a FOFriend where you're going
"If you have any concern at all about your first date with a match you met online, tell a friend where you're going, and have her call you during the date," Dr. Orbuch says.

"I hope to use what I learned," says Lisa. "If a relationship blossoms because of this, I will let you know!"

*UPDATE* Lisa is going out on a date with someone she met on OurTime.com this Valentine's Day.
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07February   {My Story} “I met and dated a real-life Christian Grey”
“If you met a real-life Christian Grey (Fifty Shades of Grey) and started dating, would it send you to the post office wanting to return this package?” asks FOF Susan Hersh. Susan recently met and dated a man with Grey-like tendencies. Here, she shares her story and what she hopes other newly-single FOFs can learn from her experience.

[Editor's note: The essay below, by FOF Susan Hersh is part of a series of personal blogs from our readers. Have your own story to tell? Email your idea to sara@faboverfifty.com.]







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In 2012, I met a real-life version of Mr. Grey. Although this was not apparent during our three-month romance, after it abruptly ended, it became uncannily clear.

The terms of my relationship with this man, a publishing company executive (we’ll call him “Mr. Brooks Brothers” for the purpose of this story) paralleled the contract that Anastasia never signed.

Christian had gorgeous dresses and gowns for Ana furnished by Neiman Marcus.  Mr. Brooks Brothers requested that I wear skirts and dresses. If you are being taken to mediocre, local restaurants, there is no reason to get that dressed up. My personal style is pants and my long legs wear them well. Unlike the fictitious Christian Grey, he was not offering to furnish a wardrobe...only the thigh-high hosiery.

Christian always wanted to control how Ana wore her hair and which beauty salon she attended. While dating Mr. Brooks Brothers, I had my hair cut, one of the best cuts in four years...but he didn’t think it was necessary.  I was not seeking permission or approval.

Christian dedicated Friday evening through Sunday afternoon or any other days agreed upon, based on his contract with Anastasia. My allotted time slot with Mr. Brooks Brothers was Saturday evening through Sunday afternoon.  If we needed to change the schedule, he felt he was making a major “compromise.”

One evening, I was driving my car to a nearby town for dinner. Mr. Brooks Brothers told me he was not comfortable with me in the driver’s seat. This seemed so outlandish to me so I made a joke telling him he could drive my car anytime and I would sit on his lap.

In the end, Mr. Brooks Brothers broke up with me because I rejected his request to use sex toys in the bedroom, and his ego was stronger than his heart.  He was controlling in the bedroom, insisting on the missionary or dominant positions. He found it difficult to acquiesce and share the power. I've learned that a marriage license or relationship does not guarantee that you both have the same propensity for sex or tolerance for experimentation. Next time, I'll make sure that my partner and I are both in agreement about whether or not to use sex toys, and that the mood is romantic with enough time for exploratory use.

Recently, I started to think about how many FOFs are finding themselves navigating through the sea of sex and dating after a recent divorce or becoming a widower. This can be a hard process.

Here’s what my experience taught me: No matter what, always be yourself. When meeting someone new, there is always an adjustment period and some compromise, but selling your soul and conforming to ideas that do not resonate will lead to unhappiness both in and outside of the bedroom. Tell your partner what you want or don’t want up front.  Do not cheat yourself.  Claim what is important to you and proclaim what is not negotiable.  If the relationship ceases, remember this line from the song “Closing Time” by Semisonic:  "Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end."
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07February   {Dating} Are all the good FOF men abroad?




Are all the good FOF men abroad? Rochelle Peachey, an FOF from the U.K., can't say for sure--but what she does know is that there is an undeniable appeal to having a partner with an accent. Her transatlantic dating site, iloveyouraccent.com, connects potential mates in the U.S. and U.K.  Since launching three years ago on Valentine's Day, Rochelle's site has resulted in 14 marriages and three babies. Read on to find out how she got started, why she thinks her site has been so successful, and the success story of one FOF who used the dating site.

Rochelle admits that her own story about how she met her husband, Phil, lacks intrigue. "It's very boring,” she says. “We were both at a bar in London and we just got to talking. I should make something wonderful and exciting up, but the truth is we just met and took it from there."

The couple got married on Easter Sunday in 2001 and moved to Florida, where Rochelle's husband sold property. "It was such a great job," Rochelle says. "I would work alongside him, wining and dining prospective customers and clients--telling them how wonderful it was to live here, all the best places to shop and eat. We were a great team."

When the economy started to dip in 2005, Rochelle noticed an alarming trend among her group of friends. "The worse the economy got, the more couples were breaking up," says Rochelle, "Relationships around us were falling apart--money can do terrible things to marriages and relationships."

Many of her friends got divorced and some of the ex-pats moved back to England. Rochelle's girlfriends confided in her. "They'd tell me, 'I'm so sick of Americans, I want a British man,'" Rochelle says. "Then I'd be back in England and my male friends would say, 'I can't stand the women here--find me a gorgeous American!' It got me thinking that maybe I could do something."

Rochelle decided she wanted to start a dating website and asked Phil if he thought there was a niche for her idea. He didn't at first, but when Rochelle couldn't get the idea out of her mind, Phil set up an appointment between her and a web expert that he had worked with. Rochelle’s website, iloveyouraccent.com was born.

Today, Rochelle’s website creates the opportunity for American men and women to socialize with British men and women "across the pond." The site has over 20,000 members looking for their dream match abroad.  Rochelle attributes the success of the site to people’s desire to make major life changes, especially many that are living through a tumultuous economy. "They're fed up with what they're doing, and where they're living. They think the grass is greener on the other side of the pond," says Rochelle.

"One of the funniest things is that I'll hear an American woman say they really want to meet a British guy because all American guys do is drink beer and watch football,” says Rochelle. “Then you'll have a British woman say, 'I really want to meet an American guy, because all British guys do is drink beer and watch football.' So maybe they don't mind that their man is watching football and drinking beer because he has a great accent. Maybe it's as simple as that."

Success Story


Heather and Paul found each other through iloveyouraccent.com


FOF Heather Whitmore was working at her hair salon in London, when a commercial for iloveyouraccent.com caught her eye. "One of my staff members said, 'Heather, you need to get on there--you're always talking about America!"

Heather went home that same night, logged on, and created a profile.  "I felt like a little school girl again," Heather says. "It was really fun."

Heather made the first move when she saw the profile of her now husband, Paul. "I was a bit cheeky," she says. "I messaged him, and I was flirting away like I've never flirted before! I actually had three or four gentleman that I was very interested in, but he was the one who really shined through."

Paul and Heather spoke for eight weeks before they met up. "I told him I was flying to Florida, and he said--I'll meet you there! We met for lunch at a lovely place and I was smitten."

Three months later, Heather and Paul tied the knot. They've been married for six months, and split their time between Paul's house in Georgia, and Heather's home in London.

"I always thought dating sites weren't me," Heather says. "Now I think it's a fantastic way to meet someone. If I hadn't been on there I would have never met Paul. I feel so blessed to have him, and he says the same thing. I tell everyone how we met, even if they don't ask for it! I don't feel ashamed at all."
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06December   {Gift Guide 2012} For the FOF Man in Your Life


He’s your knight in shining armor, your personal IT department, and sometimes even your shrink. He's a man for all seasons and 'tis the season to reward him. Our FOF gurus share eight great gifts for the guy in your life.


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Plus, enter for a chance to WIN a bottle of Morgasm All-Natural Lubricant by leaving a comment, below.



1. Morgasm All-Natural Lubricant from the FOF Shop, $59.50 for 2 bottles



"Tried it for the first time and we had a blast!" says one FOF about the Morgasm lubricant for men and women. Light two fires with one candle, so to speak...



2. Custom Dress Shirt from Proper Cloth, $79+



"This was and still is one of the best gifts my guy insists he has received. These shirts are tailored just for him! Make it for him, or give him a gift certificate so he can make his own with all the detail he wants. Best of all, Proper Cloth guarantees a proper fit!"--Glenyse Thompson




3. Electric Digital Smoker by Masterbuilt, $389.99



"For the man who loves to barbecue, smoke or grill but lacks the space or time, the Master Built Electric Digital Smoker is an excellent gift. It's compact, remote controlled and can hold up to four racks of whatever he loves to smoke."--Glenyse Thompson




4. Down Ice Scraper Mitt from Eddie Bauer, $28



"My brother lives in a cold climate and loves his car, so the Eddie Bauer Down Ice Scraper Mitt is perfect!"--Terry Gibralter




5. Touch Camouflage Watch by Swatch, $140



"My hubby is old school and still loves watches, so I know he'll appreciate this cool Swatch to add to his collection!"--Terry Gibralter



6. “The Dirty Dozen” Cashmere Socks from VK Nagrani, $235



"We love these high quality and whimsical socks."--JoJami Tyler and Deborah Boland




7. SCOTTeVests, $200+



"This outerwear is fantastic for anyone who is digitally connected. They have multiple interior pockets for your precious digital cargo including iPads, iPods, smartphones and more."--Shelley Zurek




8. 3M Mobile Projector, $251.99



"A tiny little projector for displaying all your digital videos and media anywhere!"-- Shelley Zurek



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Plus, enter for a chance to WIN a bottle of Morgasm All-Natural Lubricant by leaving a comment, below.


One FOF will win. (See all our past winners, here.) (See official rules, here.) Contest closes December 20th, 2012 at midnight E.S.T. Contest limited to residents of the continental U.S.
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12September   {My Story} Old maid to hot babe
This FOF got hitched after fifty. Now, she’s paying it forward by teaching other women how to find late-in-life love, too.



[Editor's note: The essay below, by FOF Jane Harris, is part of a series of personal blogs from our readers. Have your own story to tell? Email your idea to sara@faboverfifty.com.]

When I turned fifty, I really believed it was over for me--that having a wonderful and loving relationship with a man was no longer possible. I would soon find out it was really only the beginning.

I was born in England and had a troubled childhood and teenage years. This continued in my adulthood,  in the form of ongoing disastrous relationships with men. I had no problem meeting men and dating. I lived with some, and moved with one to New York City (where I still live to this day) when I was 27. However, this relationship nor any others lasted beyond three years.

In 2000, when I turned 50, I started dressing more “appropriately” for my age--hemlines below the knee and necklines at strangulation levels! I believed that men were only interested in younger women anyway. I was alone, unmarried and unhappy.

My life was not working. It was time to do something! My boss at the time introduced me to motivational workshops with The Landmark Forum and from there, I embarked on a very-powerful journey of self-reflection and taking responsibility for my life.

In a coaching session at Landmark, I had an epiphany. It was not that men stopped being attracted to me, it was ME who had stopped being open to men. My beliefs that I was too old and that men only wanted younger women caused me to stopped flirting and being open to love. It was ME who switched my light off! In that moment, I decided I was going to go from an “old maid” to “hot babe!” No sooner did I find myself beating men of all ages off with a stick!

Please do not get the wrong idea. I was not out there with thigh-high hems and low-cut tops flaunting my sexuality. No, my “hot babe” persona mostly did not have to do with sex, it came from the inside and manifested itself in my confidence with men.

When I met Richard, it was not love at first sight for us. He was actually looking for a younger woman (he is same age as me) because he wanted a child. Also, I was not what he would have considered his physical match. Our attraction was based on what we value. For him it was my kindness, playfulness, that I always laugh at his jokes and most importantly, my loving heart. For me, it was his intelligence (very sexy), sense of humor (he is very funny and provides a lot of fun in my life!) and his wonderful thoughtfulness. Richard believed a child could provide him love, but felt I filled that void and it was a non-issue that I was past my child-bearing years. After two years of dating we moved in together and three years later, in 2005, we got married in a friend’s beautiful garden.

I was passionate about paying it forward. Richard thought I would make a wonderful dating coach (bless him) and suggested NYU’s certificate coaching program. I had not been in school for 40 years, but, after a year of hard work, I became a certified a coach in 2007. Choosing dating and relationship coaching as a speciality was a no-brainer because of my own journey.

Everyday I get to support women and help them open their hearts to connect with men creating a relationship that they have always wanted. Apart from Relationship By Choice, my one-on-one sessions, I have recently partnered with Linda Turner, an art therapist and psychotherapist. Together we have developed a LoveShop for women 40-80. We help women clear the barriers that are in the way of them having the relationship they desire. I feel so fulfilled!


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For more information about Jane’s relationship coaching service or a complimentary Relationship Discovery Session with Jane, e-mail her at: jane@relationshipsbychoice.com with “Relationship Discovery Session” in the subject.
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14June   {Relationships} These FOFs found a secret spark to long-time marriages

Marriage comes with its own challenges--especially if you’ve been married for over three decades like Cathy Skott and her husband, Myron, and Donna Guthrie and her husband, Mike. Yet, these two FOFs embarked on athletic challenges with their hubbys and both claim it was a secret spark--reviving and adding a whole new dimension to their marriages.
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FOF Donna Guthrie and her husband, Mike,
are hiking all the National Parks


Donna, an FOF from Colorado Springs, CO and her husband, Mike, will hike all the National Parks. They’ve completed 33 out of 58 and hope to complete the remaining 26 parks by 2016, when they turn 70 and the National Park Service turns 100.



How did you decide to do this?
We began in 2009. Mike and I have been married 39 years. Over our 36th anniversary dinner we were talking about our bucket lists. After a bottle of wine or two, we decided instead of traveling overseas, it would be fun to hike in all the National Parks. At the time we didn’t even know how many parks there were.

How many parks are there?
58! We started later that month at Rocky Mountain National Park and from there we just took off. Now we’re up to 33.

Is visiting all the National Parks expensive?
It may sound expensive, but we save money on park entrance fees. For seniors, a lifetime national parks pass is only $10. We also try to stay at the park lodges when possible.

Who are the Gehrkes?
We found out about the Gehrkes after we started this project. They were a couple from Nebraska who did the same challenge starting in 1921 when there were just 28 National Parks. They got to 27 in seventeen years!



What was your favorite park?
Crater Lake in Oregon. The water is so blue and we visited on a beautiful, fall day. Sometimes our experience has to do with the weather, sometimes it has to do with the park ranger and the talk he gives, sometimes it’s all about the hike. We also liked the Florida parks in the Everglades and Yosemite lived up to all its hype.

What was the most challenging hike?
A park in Alaska. We were flown in on a small airplane that landed on top of a volcano. I think of myself as pretty gutsy, but, that was pretty challenging..

How has this brought you and Mike closer?
I think any big project like this adds some sort of spark, I don’t know if that’s the right word but it’s fun having a big goal and planning for it. I like the idea of couples who have been married a long time having a big project. It doesn’t have to be this--it can be seeing all the baseball stadiums in the country or going to six music festivals in five states. It adds a different dimension to our marriage.

You can learn more about Donna and Mike’s project Hike All the National Parks and follow their projects, here.
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FOF Cathy Skott and her husband, Myron, bike the East Coast


Cathy, a retired teacher from Johns Creek, GA and her husband Myron are biking the East Coast Greenway from Miami to Maine (2,300 miles) this summer. Here, Cathy takes a break from cycling to chat with FOF.



How did you decide to do this?
In 2004 my husband rode the first ever navigational tour of the East Coast Greenway for charity. He loved it. He saw something in a newsletter about this tour through the Cabot Creamery Cooperative. We got in touch with them, liked the company and made the decision to ride.

What is the Cabot Creamery Cooperative?
It’s a farmer’s co-op. This summer they are setting up 8 festivals along the East Coast. We ride the path between the festivals and stop at each along the way. We have a passion for this. We love riding and meeting people in different communities.

How long is the tour?
We started on May 9 in Miami and the final festival is in Portland, Maine on July 7. Of the 59 days, we ride about 51 days averaging about 50-60 miles per day.

How has the weather been?
Really good. One day we stopped and put our raincoats on.

How did you start biking?
My husband and I bought our first bicycles when we were in our 20s. We’d ride around our neighborhood doing errands. In our 40s, my husband and I decided we never wanted to get out of shape. My goal was to ride around 200 miles per month, about 50 miles per week. That was hard when i was teaching. But, when I retired in 2008, we got more serious.

How has this brought you and Myron closer?
Myron and I have been married for 40 years. Many of our friends say you and Myron are so lucky that you have something you enjoy doing together. It’s true--it’s just a thrill and it does build our relationship. We depend on each other, we know what each other’s strengths are.

You can learn more about Cathy and Myron’s ride and follow their progress, here.
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05April   Who Should Date Stan?!


Eligible bachelor Stan Frantz, FOF’s 59-year-old email programmer, is looking for love. So this February, we posted Stan’s bio and invited you to tell us why you’d like to date him. Over 40 fab FOF women wrote us to say they’d love to date Stan. After much (fun) debate, we’ve narrowed it down to the three lovely FOfinalists, below. Now, it’s up to you: Vote for who you think is the best match for Stan! (Click here to see his dating profile, if you need a reminder.) We’ll send the winner and our bachelor out on a romantic date. Help us make a love connection!


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Bachelorette #1: Laura Wilson
Location: Birmingham, Alabama
Age: Over 50
Profession: Nursing Coordinator

From her note to Stan:
“I am a true Southern girl. Now that my children are grown, I want to find my soulmate if possible. I love nature and all creatures, great and small, furry and feathered. I have an almost childlike natural curiosity and love to marvel at the beauty in the world. My own dream, if I had a man (wouldn’t be much fun to do alone), is to have a very small farm with a few pet farm animals and a nice sustainable garden with both veggies and flowers. I also love to paint, so would be painting along with canning on my little farm. The place you have created for yourself is not too far off from mine.”

What’s your favorite thing about Stan?
"I like that he has a good sense of humor, laughing is fun! He also has a nice open face, too, and I appreciate a man who can fix things!"

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Bachelorette #2: Elisa
Location: Portland, Oregon
Age: 59
Profession: Retired Teacher (“everything from Pre-K to High School!”)
Married once and divorced.

From her note to Stan:
“I am also looking for a life partner, and hopefully a soul mate. In the interim, I am living my dreams. Currently I am on a 5-week vacation in the Cook Islands, meeting people both local and international, making friends, learning and experiencing. I am a friendly person and make friends wherever I go. I am also financially secure but not materialistic. Experiences and laughter mean a great deal to me. I also have a passion for travel, and it sounds like we have much in common.”

What is it about Stan that attracted you most?
"I really like Stan's smile!  It tells me that he is genuine, caring, vivacious and interested in life.  I am the same way. Additionally, I was surprised by how many mutual interests we have!"

What's your idea of a great first date?
"Laughter!  And conversation.  A first date is about getting to know each other, yet it is not an interview. I would love to go somewhere quiet and romantic to talk--or walk and talk!

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Bachelorette #3: Carolyn Diamond
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Age: 55
Profession: Makeup artist, medical aesthetician, public speaker and writer
Married once and divorced.

From her note to Stan:
“How refreshing. A man who is down-to-earth and appreciates the important things in life. Brains, handsome, and if he works for FOF he must know a woman's heart. I’d love to throw my hat in the ring.

Tell us more about what you do.
“I'm a makeup artist in the beauty, entertainment and media industries.  I also volunteer my time to help women facing breast cancer so they can look their best when it's needed most. From experience I know, to look good is to feel good. And, as Coco Chanel said 'All it takes is a new tube of lipstick to lift your spirits.' This really does hold true.”

What’s your idea of a great first date?
“One that has laughter and a sense of comfort.  I'm down to earth and not one for flash. Not to say I don't appreciate the finer things in life. I just have a greater appreciation for integrity, honesty, intelligence, kindness, and a great sense of humor.”

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Who is the best match for Stan?





View Results




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24 comments   
21March   {FOFix her up} Help us find a great guy for Ivy Pittman!

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As FOFs, we’re always setting everyone else up--our single kids, our sweet and eligible FUF (fab under fifty) neighbor, the helpful computer guy...sometimes we forget to help ourselves.

When we sent out an e-mail last week about an opportunity for single FUFs to find love on live television, we were flooded with replies from single FOFs. “What about women who are over 48, single and have it together?” wrote FOF Ivy Pittman. “I mean don't these women deserve a chance to find love too?” Yes, we do. And here’s your chance, Ivy.

Read about FOF Ivy Pittman below. If you think you know someone who could be a good match, leave a comment about why! Let’s FOFix her up!



FOF Ivy Pittman is 54 and feels “more with it and together now” than when she was in her 30s. “I know who I am, what I’m going to do and what I’m not going to do,” says Ivy. To whit, she’s more ready than ever to settle down with Mr. Right. She’s also smart, funny, completely forthcoming and baggage free. Her ideal first date? “Six Flags, the beach, a baseball game...” says Ivy (an avid Red Sox fan, in case you were wondering). She’s been in a several long-term relationships, but never married. Her theory: “If I wanted to be married, I could be married. But, I’m not going to be married just to have ‘M-R-S’ in front of my name.” Our theory: This FOF is just too damn cool! No, seriously...

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FOF Ivy Pittman

Age: 54

Height: 5’5”

Profession: Freelance writer, indie book reviewer, co-founder of visiblewomanonline.com, a website for women of color over forty.

Location: Montclair, New Jersey. “I would date someone long distance, in fact, I have in the past. I’d also relocate for the right person.”

Hobbies: Dancing, jazz music, reading, power walking, cycling, entertaining, adventures, casual drinking, the beach. “I’m just not a cold weather gal.”

Past relationships: Never married. “I’ve been in several long-term relationships but found out those men weren’t for me.”

Ivy’s wish list for an ideal man: “He is holding his own; has a good job; likes to travel and do cultural things; likes dogs (I love dogs!); respects a woman who has interests outside of a relationship; enjoys his quiet time; is a good conversationalist and he absolutely MUST have a great sense of humor. Respect and honesty are big for me. I’d prefer someone on the taller side (at least 6 feet), a husky build, an African-American man would be nice...”

Dealbreakers: “I couldn’t be with someone who has a problem with commitment. I’m not saying you need to commit to me after the first date but at some point, say 2 or 3 months, we need to have that conversation, because we are not kids.”

Ideal first date: “The beach in the summer or walking around a city or town, having lunch or dinner and good conversation. Six Flags, a baseball game or a jazz club could be fun too.”

Think you someone you know that would be a good match for Ivy, leave a comment about why! Let’s FOFix her up!
3 comments   
15March   {Family} La Vie Childfree!
This FOF decided she didn't want kids. Now she's telling the next generation, it's ok to be childfree.


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What do you think when you meet a married woman in her 50s or 60s who never had children? Are you curious about why? Do you question her marriage? Her upbringing? Her psychological stability? Her fertility?

FOF Laura Carroll, 51, is a successful writer and communications consultant. She’s been happily married to her husband since she was 28 years old, and they chose not to have children. In fact, Carroll says, she’s known she didn’t want kids from the time she was quite young. She’s also warm, engaging, close with her parents, psychologically stable, fertile (or at least, she was), and get this . . . she loves the kids in her life.

She’s also a pioneer. With marriage and childbirth rates on the decline in this country, it seems that an increasing number women are choosing to live childless--whether married or single. To whit, Laura is the author of Families of Two, a book on happily married couples who chose not to have kids, and she's about to come out with her second book related to the "childfree choice." She's even started a popular blog called La Vie Childfree where readers can learn about and discuss the decision whether or not to have children.


Here, she talks to us about her decision. Read on, and then tell us, What do you think of the decision to "be childfree?"

When did you decide you didn’t want to have kids?
The signs were there early. I was never really interested in playing ‘mom’ or dolls. In Junior High, I was taking all these occupational inventories . . about things you could grow up to be.  I was much more interested in thinking about career than looking into the future about when I would be a mom.

A lot of women may have felt this way, but still chose a more conventional route and had kids because of outside pressures. Why do you think you didn’t?
I had a godmother who influenced me when I was young. She was in her 20s, single and didn’t have children. It was an early model that you could grow up and didn't have to be a mom. Also, I had great parents. They didn’t push parenthood as an expectation. They raised us to create our lives any way we wanted.

How did it effect your dating life? What’s it like to date when you don’t have a biological clock ticking in your brain?
I wasn’t marriage-minded. I dated because it was fun. When I met my husband, I was in my 20s, and he was 10 years older than me. He was neutral about having kids, and that was attractive to me. He had dated a string of women before me, and I think he felt they were looking for a father for their child over and above everything else, which wasn’t attractive to him. I took that expectation or pressure completely out of the equation, and he liked that.


How do you think the decision to get married is different if you don’t want to have kids?
For my husband and myself--and I see this with childless couples of all ages--marriage is more about a committment to each other than about procreation. You’re together as partners in life, for personal growth, and, for us anyway, adventure.

Did you ever contemplate having children?
I didn’t. He thought for a little while that I might change my mind.  And we went through a few years of me saying, “No honey, I’m not going to change my mind, I promise.”  We waited a little while to close the door with any permanent medical procedures! He wanted to be sure that if I ever changed my mind, he was in a position to have them. He was someone who was probably on the fence. He could have had them if his wife really wanted to, but since I didn’t want them he had no problem with that.

What has not having kids enabled you to do?
It’s allowed me to dedicate myself to my career in a very free way.  When you don’t have kids, you could end up in your 70s with 5 careers, because you have more freedom to evolve and grow your work life in the directions that you feel are best--without constraints.  It’s also allowed me to have a strong marriage and for my husband and I to support each other in our passions and careers. My husband's career has evolved from working in human resources to working in the highest levels of the Sierra Club and focusing on the environment--something he doesn’t think he would have been able to do if he were a father.


Do you think going childless makes marriage harder, or easier?
I think not having children gives you the ability to tend to the issues in your marriage in a way that couples with children don’t always have. Some of my friends have told me that in way they envy my husband and I, because when there are issues, we don’t have the distraction called “kids” that keep you from dealing with them. So many couples get divorced once they become empty nesters. Often they had issues all along but just didn’t make the time to deal with them. Once the kids aren’t there, they realize their marriage has problems, and some survive and some don’t. I’m not judging that at all--I just realize that it’s challenging to keep your marriage really strong and raise kids.

Has there been any time when this decision has been difficult?
Probably when my friends were young and started having babies. Initially, it was hard finding ways to stay in as much contact with them. But it soon passed, my friends are great--they never assumed that because I didn’t have kids, that I did know anything about it and couldn’t be party to a conversation about it. They also did not lose interest in what I was up to. It’s easy to get hurt and feel defensive on both sides. Don’t take it personally--keep your eye on you love for your friend and your curiosity about her life.

Do you have any regrets?
No. As I get older, I see the great relationships developing between some of my friends and their older children. But I also understand what a huge commitment they made and what it’s taken to get to that place. I know I never would have been willing to do it.

I’ve seen that’s there’s a better role for me to be play. I am much more valuable being a really wonderful godmother and mentor to young women. Through my blog, I help support women young women and their choices. Being a mother is not the only maternal role you can play.

I hope that with the next generation, we make it more of the norm to think hard about why you want a child. What experience are you looking for? Is being a parent the only way to have that experience?
17 comments   
15February   {FOF Love Connection} Date Stan!


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A good (single) FOF man is hard to find. That’s why we couldn’t resist playing cupid this week when Stan Frantz, our 59-year-old email programmer, mentioned that he’s looking for love. Stan is a lifelong bachelor, but don’t let that scare you, ladies. He’s creative, smart, kind, financially secure, an animal lover . . .

Well, we’ll let him speak for himself. Take a look at Stan’s story, below. If you think you or someone you know could be a good match, leave a comment about why! We’ll choose 3 finalists to send on a date with Stan, and let our members vote on the final choice. It’s Love Connection . . . FOF style.

About Me:
I'm 59; I live in Northampton, PA.
I'm looking for someone to share my life with, a soul mate, but I am open to meeting and getting to know anyone who just wants to spend some quality time together enjoying life.

I would like to be with someone who is curious, open and easy-going, taking life as it comes. You should be able to give of yourself easily, be loving, caring, kind and gentle. Conversely, you should also be open to receive tenderness, intimacy and caring when it is offered. Most importantly, you see my life as it is and want to share yours with me, becoming true partners in all that life has to offer us.

I live in a 200 year old log cabin in the country on about 3 acres of meadow and woods with a creek through it. I have a vintage barn I have converted into a workshop and studio. My home is my dream come true and I love working on it and my gardens. I have a deep appreciation for nature and find great peace and happiness there. I especially love all animals and have many furry and feathered friends.

I really enjoy meeting and talking to anyone and everyone. The amazing variety of human nature intrigues me and keeps me curious and involved. I love to make people laugh and I'm good at it.

I am financially secure but not at all materialistic. I prefer the simple and useful over the flashy and expensive. I am creative and artistic and always working on making something. I am proud of being very self-sufficient; I can make, fix, or build just about anything.



I've done quite a bit of traveling pursuing both my passion for surfing and interest in world cultures. Usually I prefer the low budget approach (i.e. staying in a village in a local family's hut) rather than a luxury resort, but can go upscale too. In the past year I've been to Hawaii, Nova Scotia 3 times, California twice, and spent my birthday surfing in Peru last winter.

I loved Nova Scotia so much I bought 3 acres overlooking the ocean and will be building a summer cabin up there this summer. I am excited and looking forward to taking on this new adventure, but at the same time know I will miss my current home, garden and animals. But such is life. You have to make choices. Finding the right balance, that’s the challenge isn’t it?

So what do you think, FOF? Could you or someone you know be right for Stan?  Comment below and tell us why. Then we'll play cupid...xo
43 comments   

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