“I don’t think of it as meddling at all. I think we’re helping to cast a wider net for our kids. We can be agents for them, help them figure out who’s right for them.”
Geri, founder of Date My Single Kid
, and her son, Colby, share how to be a successful “agent,” for your sons and daughters on Date My Single Kid
without meddling in their love lives.
FOF: Do I have to ask my kid before I put him on the site?
I’d ask him first. If the kid doesn’t want to be on it, don’t force it. To be successful, ultimately the kid has to be on board with the idea. You could tell your son or daughter that they have nothing to lose. After all, it’s about who the person is that they meet, not how they meet them.
FOF: How do you identify a good potential match for your son or daughter?
You have to take the whole package together. The first thing I look at is the write-up, what the mom says, to see if her daughter shares the same values as my son. Then I look at the picture… but the write-up is more important.
FOF: Should you ask your son or daughter before reaching out to another mom?
Yes, I always ask Colby before I reach out to another mom.
The reason you have to do that is consideration for the other person’s feelings. If a mom reaches out to another mom when her kid’s not interested, then you are leading someone on.
FOF: What is the best approach for reaching out to a mom about her son or daughter?
I e-mail her and make sure to use her name .“I’d love to introduce Colby to your daughter, so-and-so, because they seem to have a number of common interests.” I might add a little bit more about Colby. A mom-to-mom dialogue usually begins.
FOF: If someone reaches out to you about your son or daughter, how do you respond if your son or daughter isn’t interested?
FOF: Let’s say the setup works out. The kids touch base. Is it hands off from there?
Geri: You really have to do what makes you feel most comfortable. You don’t have to respond. Or you can respond and say you don’t think your children would be good matches for each other. Whatever you do, always remember to be sensitive to the feelings of other moms and kids.
Colby: Also, having your mom as your agent makes it less personal – you don’t have to directly turn someone down. That’s the best part.
ABSOLUTELY. That’s the difference between meddling and matchmaking. But if you’ve become friends with the mom, it’s okay to continue conversation about other topics. The mom is a separate person from her kid.
FOF: The kids go on a date. Do you ask your son or daughter how it went? Do you follow up with the other Mom?
No. You shouldn’t follow up with the other mom about the date, but you can certainly continue a friendship with her. I always ask Colby how his dates went though, because I can’t help myself.
FOF: What if it doesn’t work out? How do you deal with disappointment (your own and your kids’)?
It’s like anything else. You move on.
If it doesn’t work out, you get back on the site and look for other people.
FOF: Success! Your kids like each other! Do you reach out to the other mom to say ‘Good work!’ Or let everything move along in it’s own time?
If the date went well and you like the other mom, just be happy… and then ask her what she’s wearing to the wedding. Ha-ha… just kidding.
Image via Flickr