This is great information.

I had a difficult marriage to begin with, and his indulging in Internet affairs--and then at least one physical one--made it impossible for me to ever trust him again. It also opened my eyes to there being so many areas in which he was deceiving me. We tried therapy, but it quickly became apparent he was using it only as a delaying tactic. The good outcome was for us to divorce. The pain and anger are messages to yourself that something in you is being violated, something that is important.

Having done this, I can say that it is the hardest thing I ever did. The result of infidelity was devastating to me--my self, my life, and my marriage. It has taken over three years for me to put myself back together and for us to work and find our way to a healthy, happy, and honest relationship. There were times when leaving seemed so, so much easier, but my husband's commitment to me as a person and to our relationship helped me immensely. I feel that anyone in this position HAS to recognize that you have a mountain of work to do for YOURSELF, and a mountain of work to do as a couple. The 'errant' spouse has a mountain of work to do too. There are no shortcuts, but it can be done.

It is, absolutely, a dealbreaker. Having been through this and worked through the issue I can state 2 facts: 1) a spouse who cheats has already made the decision that his/her physical wants are more important than their marriage and their spouse - and nothing can change that, and 2) no one forgets this kind of violation. We stayed married for another 12 years. I am now in a marriage wherein my spouse holds the same belief as I do and cheating would be an automatic divorce. Period. No second chance. Why did I waste those 12 years 'trying to make it work' with a cheater?

In my own experience, cheating was a late-stage result of the already catastrophic break in our marriage. It wasn't a cause and it certainly wasn't a solution but it did force us to sit down and really address what was going on with the help of psychotherapists. It was a catalyst for action, albeit a very negative one.

If a person has ONE sexual encounter and that destroys the marriage; they had a really weak marriage in the first place.

Childhood events, insecurities....blah blah blah. We all have had difficulties in our lives, but we all don't feel the need to cheat. It's a choice each of us makes. Cheating shows a lack of respect for the other person and their feelings and thoughts about infidelity. My ex cheated, over and over. We went to therapy. Therapist said he was toxic and selfish...there you go. Sometimes it's not because your mommy didn't hug you, sometimes it's just because the cheater is thinking of themselves ONLY.

I am single, and I have been cheated on by almost every man that I dated. What advice can you offer to me?

Dr. Williams Lucena had an interesting and thoughtful view

At one time I wasted a significant amount of my time crying about someone that I should have had the courage to leave while I still had some sanity and fight left in me. Faithful, supportive, caring...and I thought loving, I forgave him for his infidelities and bad temper and stuck it out. I am aware of what I agreed to settle for, and it sucks. Furthermore, he is addicted to his life long habit over the course of our marriage of self gratification. He mastrabates regularly, rather than trying to have a normal physical and emotionally bonded relationship that is satisfying for the both of us. He thinks I don't know about this, but I do.

my husband cheated. I tried to work it out thru couples therapy. it went from "I'm sorry & let's work it out" to "see what YOU have to do to make me happy!"he's my ex-husband now.

My husband of 18yrs walked out and then 9 months later I lost my 43yr old son. That was tough! People say a husband leaving is the same or worse than a death...NO WAY! I am now divorced but wish we could have worked through it!Big problem...I wanted to work through it and he didn't. It takes team work..........one alone can not save their marriage. If both want it to work....there is hope!Have faith,forgive and do not look back. It can be done....if you BOTH want it bad enough. Too bad he didn't...

I was married to an alcoholic who was more involved with his substances than with me. I admit that I wandered, with his consent, only to feel worse about our relationship. It is my impression that while I had been "unfaithful" a couple of times physically, neither of us was present emotionally. I believe that was more of an infidelity than any casual physical encounter ever could have been. Just my opinion.

One comment was that a marriage was weak already if the marriage ended because one partner cheated. Well, I disagree, we have been married 41 years with no cheating, nothing even close. My husband and I have the same opinion- I know he would leave me and I would leave him. It would be too much for either of us to forgive the other. Speaking for myself, it would be a choice of missing him terribly and living in hell if I left him. OR envisioning him with her all the time, especially when he touched me, this would drive me crazy and I would live in hell if I stayed with him. So, I would leave him to keep my sanity. I know my husband has too much pride to take me back if I hurt him like that. I wouldn't want him to. Deep LOVE and what it represents, loyalty, friendship, respect, trust, is missing from a marriage when a person cheats, and staying together after cheating does not FIND those missing elements. It wasn't there in the first place. My husband has diabetes and our sex life has suffered for some time, but I would never cheat on him. Never. I have grown to love him more through the years. I like taking care of him, making sure he eats right and keeps his blood sugar low. I love him and want to meet him in heaven and be with him always.

I beleive cheating is indicative of very bad character. Once a married person is sexually intimate with someone else, that bond is broken. The bond breaks because of their bad character. Opportunity will always be there and it is morality that should stop you. If it doesn't you just don't have it. Once a cheat, Always a cheat!

I think that the trust is just never there again. I was cheated on once and, while I tried to forgive, you're always wondering. When he's "held up at the office" or "meeting the guys for a drink" you always wonder if that's really what he's doing or if he's out with someone else. I never wanted to be the "crazy girlfriend" calling all the time or showing uo, so I did myself a favor and broke up with him. My stomach was freed from the constant knots, my mind was free from the worry and wondering. I am now engaged to someone who has the same values as me, who has the same outlook on things...and when I look back on that cheating relationship, I cant believe I stayed in it a minute longer than I should have. If a woman truly can move on and forgive and forget, that is wonderful and I hope that relationship heals and flourishes, bur I hate to think of women just going through the smiles and motions of being happy when inside they're so torn up with doubts and worry of being with a cheater. It's hard to leave the comfort of "familiar", but I am SO glad I did!!!