Are You Friends With Your Ex?

Just because he’s your ex doesn’t always mean you have to ex-cise him from your life. One FOF wrote that she now gets along better with her former husband than when she was married to him! We love these responses to our question: Are you friends with your ex?

“Yes, we made it work for the kids. Attended bday parties, shared xmas with ex and our spouses. Made a huge difference for the stability of our kids.”

Jean Farrell

“I was married to my husband for 21 years when we finally decided it was time to divorce. Our kids were 21 and 16 at the time. Instead of taking the traditional route of two attorneys, we did mediation. It is a completely different process when you sit across from the father of your children, discussing all aspects of how to end the marriage. We agreed to ‘agree’ to whatever the law said was fair. We didn’t argue about a single issue, even though there was significant financial issues at stake.

“Over four years later and we have very civilized conversations with each other, mostly about our kids. We have on occasion taken our kids to dinner together. They think we’re nuts because we get along better now that we are divorced!”

Joannie Matter

“Tried, but the first one threatened me at a family event because I wouldn’t do what he wanted and the second ex got angry because he thinks it’s unfair that I stopped him from continuing to run the business in my name, for which I never received any compensation for. Guess I give up-never again because I don’t want to be controlled ever again.”

Dorothea Kay

“Friends, sure, but after a while you start to remember WHY he’s an ex.”

Suzanne Houston Nash

“Nope, he was a cheater and controlling.”

Chris Hartzell

“I tolerate and act civilized. Friend? No!!!”

Nancy Hammarstedt

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12 Heart-Breaking Breakups

“Everyone wants to talk about terrible breakups. Breakups are horrible, they’re relatable, and people do them badly. Everyone has a story of a terrible breakup,” said Liz Tuccillo, writer and producer of Sex And The City.

When we asked you to tell us about YOUR worst breakup, your distressing tales certainly backed up Liz’s wise words.

Oh Lord, do not even get me started!”
Nancy Tremblay

When my husband of five years emptied our bank account, and left me with two babies, no food and no money, at Christmas 1980. My landlord let me stay until Feb 1st rent free. I moved close to family, got a job, and survived. Both girls are college grads and strong women.”
GiGi Hall Rivera

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Are You Friends With Your Ex?

When 20-something Lissa married Bud, who was 23 years her senior, she was his third wife. Bud had five children; four from his first marriage and one from his second. And, he was friendly with both of his former wives, Bonnie and Marjorie, so Lissa became friends with them, too. I even knew them because they’d come to many of the get togethers Lissa and Bud loved to throw for their friends and family.  

Douglas and I haven’t been married for decades, but we’re best friends and love spending time together. My daughter-in-law cooked a birthday dinner for me yesterday, and Douglas joined us.

A young woman I know, who is living apart from her husband,  goes on “dates” with him.

Although animosity often accompanies divorce or separation, who wouldn’t prefer friendship and goodwill with someone you once “loved”?  When young children are involved, they, too, benefit from an amicable relationship between their parents.  Even adult children like to see their parents “together.”

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9 Powerful Divorce Stories

“My husband and I have never considered divorce. Murder sometimes, but never divorce.”
–Dr. Joyce Brothers, psychologist

Although Dr. Brothers and her internist husband, Milton, had rough patches during their union (who doesn’t?!), they remained wedded for 40 years, until Milton died in 1989. But millions of other FOF women gave up on their marriages, many for substantial reasons.

When we asked divorced women when their marriages ended, why they ended, and what’s happening with them today, one issue seemed to crop up over and over: Cheating husbands. These stories are hard to read, but it’s nice to see how some of you came out on the other side.

“I left him in 1989, but actually divorced in 2001. This was after years of mental, emotional, physical, sexual, and drug abuse.

Everything started out sweetly enough, and somewhat innocently as runaway high school sweethearts. But reality set in and economics prevailed and so did adolescent rebellion, with drug and sexual experimentation. Add together with his allergy to work ethics and his propensity towards aggression and domination and my submission to prostitution. The situation went downhill, complemented with quite a few kicks, punches and curse words. After about 20 years of such existence, I left, and executed the divorce papers myself. Then I married a recovering alcoholic and drug user, who accidentally killed himself by falling down the basement steps after I left him.

I am now over 5 years sober and sharing living expenses with my daughter and her family in a nice home and living a fairly normal life. I’m also completing my college degree in psychology after retiring on disability from the highway department and the construction Industry. I am planning on perhaps doing some part time counseling in drug or domestic violence fields. Since I have practical experience! So far I have about 66 college credits! That’s what’s up with me today.”

Keep Reading…

For Divorced Women Only!

Baby boomers have been divorcing in unprecedented numbers for years, and we don’t seem to be letting up as we age. The divorce rate for 55- to 64-year-olds more than doubled from 1990 to 2012, while divorces for the over-65 crowd tripled, according to Bowling Green’s National Center for Family & Marriage Research.

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Hands-On Dads: Some Who Were And Some Who Weren’t!

 There’s nothing better than experiencing the highs and lows of parenthood with someone you love and trust. Some dads lighten the load by doing simple, but essential, daily tasks, such as changing diapers or preparing bottles.  Others go the extra mile to make sure that mom and child are happy. Then, there are a few who do, well, nothing at all!

We asked if your husband was a hands-on parent “back in the day.”  Here are some of our favorite answers.

“Beautifully so. He would go down the sledding hill with our daughters, dance with them, help them with homework, tea parties, baking & decorating, shopping…he was and is a fantastic father. (and don’t even get me started on his skills as a grandpa).” Paulette Greyn

“He thought he was since he would change diapers as needed and would sit and feed a bottle if he was watching TV…everything else from putting them to bed, supervising homework, picking up…not so much.” Julie Mattison

“Yeah Keith! Not to mention enduring sleep overs and many ball games with the video camera rolling.” Penny Beard

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When A Woman Loves A Man…For 41 Years

Catherine and Jerry met 41 years ago and married three months later. Catherine reveals two statements they learned they had to say to help hold it all together.

FabOverFifty When and where did you meet?

Catherine: We met at the Madison Avenue offices of Young and Rubicam (an ad agency) in September of 1975.

How did you meet?

Jerry had the office across from my brother Bud. I was visiting Bud as I was between appointments and it was a very rainy day in Manhattan and I needed to use his office phone. Jerry came strolling down the hall, returning from lunch, and Bud made the introduction. He invited me into his office, where we struck up some interesting conversation which I was convinced would lead to date. But, it didn’t. When he didn’t call me, I checked in with Bud to find out why. As it happened, I was wearing a family diamond ring on my right hand the day I met Jerry. Not knowing that was NOT the engagement ring finger, Jerry thought I was engaged. Bud cleared up that mistake.  Jerry followed by calling my answering machine and invited me on a date.

How old are you?

65

How long have you been married?

40 years

Tell us about your career.

I work in the housewares industry and have for almost 45 years. My job is wonderfully diverse: I do sales and marketing along with product development for manufactures in the home products industry. My specific concentration is on the large retailer Bed Bath and Beyond.

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When A Man Loves A Woman…For 41 Years

Catherine and Jerry met 41 years ago and married three months later. Jerry tells what happened “on or about” year 18 of their marriage. He also reveals the most important thing Catherine ever taught him.

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Show This To Your Partners, Pronto!

Whether we admit it or not, most of us like to share stories about our men:

The good, the bad, and the ugly stories! And, it wouldn’t hurt of they knew a few of the tales we’re telling.

With this in mind, the new FabOverFifty Men Blog will share “intelligence” about our “better halves.” Some of it will be serious, some will be informative, and some will be just plain funny.

Perhaps you’ll even call them over so they can read them, too!

How erectile dysfunction can affect your relationship

ed

Over 100 FabOverFifty women told us whether their partners experience
erectile dysfunction (ED)…Read More

What he wants to change about her
after 46 years of marriage

wish-she-would-change

How your
husband proposed

wish-she-would-change

In sickness & in health:
Your vows in action

wish-she-would-change

Meet 9 husbands who
cherish their parents

wish-she-would-change

Have a great idea for our new MEN section?
Email alex@faboverfifty.com.

How Did Your Husband Propose?

We like the good ol days, when marriage proposals were charming, and the bride’s 42 best friends weren’t involved in making it a staged production. Here are 10 proposals we love!

This is my favorite story: Michael told me in August of 1983 that he wanted to marry me, but he was waiting for an ‘act of God’ before he did. We had planned to be married that January while I had a semester break.September passed and he hadn’t asked. I was getting concerned and nervous because I couldn’t seriously start planning until Mike officially proposed.

“On October 2, I was invited to Mike’s father’s birthday party, where I would meet most of his family (we are talking 60 or more people). On the way to the party, Mike asked if I would like to take a walk around the wooded lake where he would spend time fishing and hiking as a boy. We were early and it was a beautiful early fall day, so it sounded like a good idea. As we were walking up this wooded path, Mike saw a green trash bag thrown to the side. I said “Isn’t it terrible that people leave their trash behind like this.” He agreed, and proceeded to open the bag! I said “Eww, don’t do that, you don’t know what’s in there!” He reached in a took out a blanket. Just a few feet away, there was an overlook that looked down across the lake. He laid out the blanket and then took out two champagne glasses.

w0135_couple-watching-lake

“Quickly, he ran down to the lake and pulled up on a rope that had a wine bottle knotted to the other end. He ran back up, got down on one knee. Now, I have to interject here that we discussed no ring since we were both dirt poor. We laughed about giving me a beer tab as an engagement ring, and I would be happy. Back then, the tabs pulled off the cans. Mike pulled a beer tab from his pocked with the tab part curled up…he put it on my finger and said, ‘Will you marry me?’  In my elation, I looked down at the beer tab which had slipped sideways and exposed a small sparkling diamond on a gold band at which time I squealed, ‘That’s not a beer tab!’ Of course, I said yes! The next question I asked, ‘What act of God were you waiting for?’ He said, ‘look at the trees.’ The trees that reflected in the lake were starting to take on the reds, golds, and oranges of Fall. He wanted the day to be picture perfect and full of God’s glory. It was the best day of my life (at the point) and is still one of the top two. Sadly, my husband died in a work accident just before our 20th Anniversary, but telling about this day brings him back to me and I feel myself smile.”

Wendy Peppler Koch

Without a damn ring!”   

Butta Fly

We were in Mexico visiting his family, and all of a sudden during breakfast, he said ‘Hurry! I want to take you somewhere.’ So, off we went to a bakery and bought a tres leches cake beautifully decorated. I got excited thinking about who’s birthday it was and, on the way back, he said, ‘Just one quick stop.’ We stopped at the justice of the peace, and he said ‘Let’s get married!’ and we did! We have no pictures, nothing, but I have the groom and he has the bride 28 years later. I’m very happy and he says he is, too.”

Darlene Chavez Gonzalez

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