{Bedroom Confessions} Cialis is not enough

Last month, we gave 12 FOF couples or singles the chance to win one of Sinclair Institute’s outstanding sex education videos. Sinclair has been helping people rev up their sex lives since 1991 and  is the leading source of sexual health products and videos in the United States.  Its Better Sex Video Series® has sold over four million videos in over 30 countries. Featuring real couples in loving and committed relationships, the videos explain and show us the stuff that turns them–and will turn you–ON!

We asked contest entrants which video they would most like to win. Then, we interviewed the winners–asking them to “bare all” about their sex lives. After they receive and watch the video of their choice, we will follow up and publish the interview here on the SEXcellent blog.

“My husband has ED and prefers to rely on Cialis, but I’m unsure how safe that is. I am frustrated and, at 58, not ready to give up on our sex life.” -Rhonda Marks* (named changed to protect privacy)

How old is your husband?
Same age.

How many years have you been married?
Many decades.

Where did you meet?
We met on a retreat in Louisiana.

Children?
We have two grown boys.

What has changed in your sex life?
The kids are grown and gone. My youngest left 12 years ago. It seems that things really turned around for me after they left and I developed more interest in sex. My libido actually improved after menopause.

Have you and your husband argued about sex?
Actually no. We argue about other things, but not about sex.

What was your sex life like when the kids were still at home?
We were having sex two to three times a week. Back then I could take it or leave it. I just wasn’t interested.

What specifically has changed for your husband?
I noticed he didn’t have the ability to maintain an erection long enough to satisfy me. It’s never long enough.

Did he see his physician?
Yes, and the physical didn’t indicate anything unusual. It might be an age thing, but I don’t really buy into that.

Has your husband made any changes to his lifestyle?
He has made some dietary changes. He is eating better and he is doing a bit better with his erection, but it’s still not long enough for me.

How often do you have sex?
We shoot for three times a week, but it’s more like once a week. We actually proclaimed Wednesday as ‘hump’ day.

How has the designated “hump day” been working out?
It works out most of the time, but not always. We might have had a long day and just don’t feel like having sex.

Do you think this designated day has affected your husband’s performance, as there is a lack of spontaneity in it?
Not at all, it actually gives us something to look forward to on that day.

You mentioned that your husband uses Cialis. Why do you have a problem with this?
He has maintained an erection with Cialis, but I don’t like him taking unnecessary medication. I would prefer he did it on his own. Plus, Cialis is expensive.

How does your husband like taking Cialis?
He likes taking Cialis because it helps a lot with his erection and it gives him confidence. He likes to use it when he wants to make sure I am satisfied. He is fine without it. He can have an erection, but can only maintain it until he has a climax. It’s never long enough for me because it takes me longer to get to that point.

Has this had a negative impact on your marriage?
It hasn’t affected our marriage. We still love each other. It’s just very frustrating for me. He can climax, but I can’t unless he uses his hands.

You seem to have designated the erection as the main source of your frustration. Do you think there is anything else contributing to it?
It could be that it takes me longer to climax and there are things that contribute to this. My mood, lack of foreplay and alcohol. If I have a glass of wine, it slows me down.

Do you think your previous lack of interest in sex (when the kids were still at home) may be affecting your current sex life?
I don’t think so. As parents we were busy. We both worked and the evenings were consumed helping with homework and other activities and we would go to bed tired. I had less energy even though I was younger. My husband understood. I have more energy now and so does he. When we come home from a long day at work, we can unwind.

Have you tried porn or various sex toys?
Never used porn. I tried a vibrator, but it really wasn’t for me.

Is oral sex a regular part of your sex life?
Yes, it’s a good source of foreplay. We don’t have oral sex all of the time, but a good bit of the time. I have to add we are only comfortable with it after we have both showered or bathed.

What are your husband’s feelings about this? Is he comfortable with you reaching out to FOF?
He is willing to try as long as it’s legitimate.

What do you hope to gain from the Sinclair Institute sex education tapes? (Note: Sinclair is sending Rhonda and her husband its Better Sex Video Series.)
I hope it teaches us some things we never tried. I want my husband to learn some foreplay from it and I want to learn how to be more fulfilled. I want him to be able to keep an erection longer and I want to be stimulated by his erection.

Is there anything else you can tell us about you and your husband?
We lead very active lives. We’re not old FOFs. We like to go dancing.  We don’t feel or look our age. I want our sex life to resemble the rest of our life and enjoy it while we still can.