Great chemistry, bad rut

FOF gave 12 FOF couples or singles the chance to win one of Sinclair Institute’s outstanding sex education videos. We asked contest entrants which video they would most like to win. Then, we interviewed the winners–asking them to “bare all” about their sex lives. After they receive and watch the video of their choice, we will follow up and publish the interview on the SEXcellent blog.

Below is our “before” interview with FOF Renee and her husband, John. They reveal how often they have sex; how often they want to have sex and exactly what makes Renee unhappy.

FOF: How long have you been married?
Renee: 25 years

John: 26!

Do you have children?
Renee: Two teenagers.

What do you do for a living?
Renee: John is in sales and I’m in real estate.

Why did you enter this contest?
Renee: I thought the videos sounded interesting. I wanted to try and see what it was all about.

Any specific problems you were looking to fix?
Renee: Not really. I thought it sounded fun and would give us some new ideas.

John: Help us stir things up a little.

Renee: Well, ok. We’ve gotten into a rut, I think. For me, it comes down to frequency. We’re either all or nothing. When we have sex, I want to have it every day. But then when I don’t have it, I can go a long time without it.

John: With me it’s more like: switch it on, switch it off. If you’re ready, I’m ready to go.

Who usually initiates sex?
John: Renee.

Renee: Yes, usually me. And I’m not happy about that.

John: I get into the rut, too. And when I get into that mood, I just don’t initiate. Maybe it’s because I think she’s not interested. When Renee gets into her rut, I think, ‘nothing is going to happen tonight so I’m not going to make an effort.’ We should both always be showing interest and trying to create a spark…it’s easy to forget.

Renee: I definitely wish he would take charge more. I mean, doesn’t every woman want to be seduced?

Do you generally have good chemistry? What was the sex like at the beginning of your marriage?
Renee: Great chemistry. We had sex at least once a day for the first two years of our marriage.

John: We’re still sexually compatible. We’ve just let it slip. We want to find a way to make it happen more frequently.

Are there any physical problems that are getting in the way now? Lack of libido? ED?

John: There’s nothing physical for me.

Renee: My libido is lower, but everything works. We just have to work a little harder. Sometimes I’m self-conscious about my body, but I know that’s my own hangup. John would never say a thing. I think men just like to have sex no matter what.

How often do you have sex now?
Renee: Maybe 3 or 4 times a week for a while and then not at all for 3 or 4 months.

When was the last time you had great sex?
John: Probably a couple of months ago.

How often would you like to have sex?
Renee: Three times a week.

John: I would say the same thing.

What the biggest difference between you two when it comes to sex?
Renee: I’m more adventurous.

John: I would agree. I tend to fall into the same pattern of positions..the same routine. I’m hoping the video will have some new ideas for us.

Are there any emotional issues that make sex difficult?
John: I think we both just feel we don’t have enough sex. We don’t fight about it.

Renee: We just ignore it.

John: True. And sometimes we just laugh about it.

Renee–are you able to climax?
Renee: Yes. . . sometimes . . . not every time. It depends on what we’re doing. But i’m definitely satisfied enough. I’m not hung up on having to climax every single time.

John: I’d like her to climax every time. I mean, that’s what I’m shooting for–always.

Renee: He’s more hung up on it than I am.

You said you have teenage kids at home with you. Is that an issue?
John: No. not really.

Renee: Yes it is! they stay up way later than we do. They’re always here and up and aware of what’s going on.

  • Elfreda Barrett

    would like to have someone to tell me what the problem could be between me and my boyfriend of 9 years. He cheated on me with a whore that he had to pay for .Since then he has not touched me in 3 years. what do I do to get the fire back in my life? I am so depressed that I have to see a Doctor for what I am going through. I love him I don’t want to throw away 9 years of my life for a WHORE. Do I just sit back and not to be sexually active around him or what? PLEASE HELP ME

    • Anonymous

      First of all to Elfreda, referring to a woman as a whore and blaming her is not going to help your situation. I’m not saying what she does is right but it was your boyfriend who went out seeking her and PAID for it. I understand you love this guy but I really don’t understand why you want to stick with him if he doesn’t even touch you after having sex with a prostitute. In my opinion that says a lot about how your relationship was before the cheating even happened. Anyhow, the best thing you can do is seek professional help and actually talk about it with him. You will never know how to fix it if you don’t confront him.