{Comment below to win two coaching sessions with Cheryl!}
Cheryl Savage has helped hundreds of women find love—from 20-somethings to 70 somethings—but, she explains, “FOF women have their own unique challenges when it comes to dating.” So what’s holding you back? Read on . . .
1. We judge. Women—especially FOF women—are judgers. We meet a man and we immediately begin judging him based on his looks. Where do these judgments come from? Probably something your mother told you when you were five years old. Stop judging and start asking questions:
- *Do I like him?
- *Is he interesting?
- *What can I learn about him?
- *What can I learn about myself?
2. We think, ‘I can’t have sex unless I’m in love.’ “We were taught that you don’t have sex unless you’re engaged or married. We didn’t “live” with boyfriends. If you’d had sex with more than two men, you were a slut. Well, you’re not 17 anymore. Times have changed, and no one is going to judge you if you have sex.”
3. We date just one man. “You should be going out with 3 to 4 men for at least 18 months. Over the course of a month, have lunch with one, dinner with another, a movie with the third, and so on. Continue dating the other men until a relationship with one is established. Then call the others and let them know you have decided to be exclusive.”
4. We rely on online dating. “Dating on the web is like putting on a blindfold and throwing darts into the wind. You need to meet men face-to-face. Go on an outing to a place where men congregate—a car show, the races, a food and wine festival. Bring a married girlfriend—she won’t be competition—and approach at least three men. Throw a party at your home and require every attendee to bring along a single friend.”
5. We date in secret. “Women in our generation feel that not having a man is some sort of failure. If you’re not married, you are less than. So they feel self-conscious telling others they’re single. Big mistake. Tell everyone that you’re single and looking.”
6. We forget how to flirt. It’s been a long time since we were giggly schoolgirls with crushes. But you can and should get that feeling back. Here’s a quick flirting cheat sheet guaranteed to get a man to approach you:
- *When you enter a room, find a guy who catches your eye.
- *Once you spot him, immediately “separate from the herd.” Take a step away from your friends—no man will approach a group of women.
- *Walk to the bathroom or to greet a friend so you can pass by him. As you pass, look right at him and smile like you’re going to stop and talk to him. Don’t stop—keep walking.
- *Pass him again when you walk back to your friends.
- *In the off chance that he doesn’t approach, go up to him before you leave and give him your card. Say, “I noticed you from across the room. If you ever want to meet for coffee, I’d be open to that.”
Why do you need a dating coach? Enter to win two coaching sessions with Cheryl by commenting below. Thank you for entering. This contest is now closed.
0 Responses to “{Dating} Are you on a manhunt?”
Dating Voor Senioren says:
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Ruth Sklar says:
I live in an area where Jewish men are all taken, unless they are worthless. I am on a dating site and talk daily with a lovely man in D.C. We have met only once due to circumstances beyond our control. Hopefully I will see him in D.C. soon. But the 3 men? Impossible! By the way, I still update the dating site, so I’ve not given up. I am also very independent and was just in Paris alone for a month. It was great, but I would love a man to share some of this with. Any ideas?
Joyce says:
I have been divorced for a long time and have grown children. I would like to meet a man at this point in my life to share all the fun things with. I know men look at me sometimes, but I am too shy to take the assertive next step. Please ‘Help”.
Shellie Robin says:
Is this contest still going on? If so, I need Cheryl’s help!
Sandy says:
My soul-mate common-law husband suddenly died 2 1/2 years ago; we were together 4 years. (We were both previously married, me for 13 years to an emotionally abusive man.) About a year ago I decided I was ready to have a man in my life because I want that companionship and passion in living life, not because I need it. I have been on e-Harmony and have not found any matches worth my time or money. Like a previous poster mentioned – they seem to be looking for the proverbial ‘booty call’ and not willing or able to make a true commitment with respect and honor. My friends and co-workers know I am looking; but I am a non-drinker so the bar scene is not comfortable for me. At 50 years old I don’t ‘think’ I am too picky in looking primarily at the physical appearance, but try to take the whole package into account. Your counsel and coaching would be incredibly welcome!
Sara from Fab Over Fifty says:
Gina,
We love your idea! A way for single FOFs to meet up – genius! We are on it…..
Gina says:
Hi Cheryl,
I too, like many others here, find myself single after a very long marriage. At 53 it’s difficult I think men in their 40’s, 50’s want women in their 30’s and the 60 somethings well them too.!
I don’t have a lot of single friends my age that live in the same city, so when I go out mostly it is alone. I can do that, but it would be so nice to have a friend to do things with. How about a section where us FOFs could meet and go out together and put some of your tools to the test.
Thanks and Cheers.
Eve says:
Your advice is great. I do believe it all comes down to self-confidence, a great posture, a big smile and wearing that favorite shade of lipstick.
The biggest fear to overcome is fear itself — the fear of looking ridiculous.
Thank you~
Cheryl Ann Savage says:
Dear Ladies,
You don’t need alot of money to date. You don’t need to go anywhere special to date. You just need to be open to dating. Look men in the eye, smile at them. Ask question’s in order to get to know them better. Do you like being around him? How do you feel when you are with him? Is he interesting? If you are asked on a date….go. You are getting to know another person. Dating is a process, if you want to get married or a long term relationship you have to start with a date. You can meet a man while you are out doing your daily chores. Most of all have fun.
Cheryl Ann Savage
Bonnie says:
I have been single since 1975 and have always waited until a man comes my way. I don’t know how to go places alone and I have always dated men who are not good for me. I think I am attractive, but I am so insecure at this point, I can’t even think about where to go to meet a man or how to trust my own instincts. Please, help me because I think I am finely mature enough (I’m 64) to make a committment to a nice, interesting man!
Amber Lear says:
I have never really let go of my first love. I want to be loved like I felt then, but on an adult level. Where I live the quality of available men my age is very sad. And I also do not want to live here much longer so falling in love here is foolish. Money is an issue for me at this point, I am not in a position to travel for the purpose of changing my life. I have been single for about 11 years and only recently feel the real desire to meet someone. I am a challenge for many men. I am independent, out of the box Christian, want to change the world. Help, or send the good ones my way please.
Melody says:
Cheryl is amazing…I’ve seen her in action. Don’t miss this chance!
Yole Whitlock says:
Hey, I don’t need a coach – happily married for 40+ years but I have a daughter and girlfriends who NEED you! Your tips on separating from the herd are great – actually I heard them before when reading something else of yours and I had my daughter try them out when we were out for drinks on her birthday. Thanks for keeping your eyes and ears open for all women on the “hunt”!
Yole
Frederika Thomas says:
I am 57, divorced after 30 years of marriage. I have been on 2 dates in a year and a half. It is so different than it use to be. I don’t know what to do or how to go about doing it.
carol says:
I have been single a long time. Can’t remember my last ‘date’. I live in the country. Lots of ‘Bubba’s here… My motivation is non existant.
MC says:
Great article Cheryl. I think I’m going to make the acronym FOF mean Flirty over Fifty, to remind myself to flirt!
Cheryl Ann Savage says:
Dear Wendy,
Most woman coming out of a long term relationship jump into another really fast. It’s because we are use to being a couple so we search for that. Its OK….But now…what have you learned? From what I can see you want a different type of man and one who pays his own bills. This is not too much to ask. Start by looking at every man you see. See how they move, dress, what are they doing. What do you see interesting about each one? Your not looking at these men to date just to open yourself to a different look. We attract what we are use too and that is what has to change for you. When you go on a date with a man “do not” pay the bill or even half. Date 18 months to give yourself time to test the waters to see what you want this time around. Don’t rush…have fun.
Cheryl Ann
Cheryl Ann Savage says:
Dear Rhonda,
Every once in a while we do need to take a break. Now that you are ready to get back out there. Look in the events calendar in your local paper. Make a commentment to go out twice a week to events were there would be a higher percentage of men. Go by yourself or with one of your girl friends. Make eye contact with the men and smile. If you see someone you find interesting ask him a question in order to start a short conversation. If you want to get to know him better give him your card and ask him to call you. Don’t judge the man on age.
Cheryl Ann
Cheryl Ann Savage says:
Dear Susan,
When you frist meet anyone a man or woman the only person you can truly trust is yourself. Don’t worry if the man is distrustful or not. If you give the relationship time to develope it will come out, then move on. I suggest you date 3-5 men at a time, so you don’t make an emotional comment to soon. Yes go to singles events that interest you. This is a great way to meet men. You choose who you want to talk with and find interesting. You are on the right track.
Cheryl Ann
Cheryl Ann Savage says:
Dear Debbie,
Yes…Yes…and…Yes Once you start the dating scene after 20 years it doe’s feel strange. Think about when you were in your teens and dating. How much fun was that? You get to feel that way again. Go with it, it is all good. This is your time for a “Do Over”.
Cheryl Ann
Cheryl Ann Savage says:
Dear Gwen,
Once you start the dating scene give yourself 18 months to date different men. During this time don’t get exclusive with one man, give yourself time to test the waters. Have fun. At any time you decide he isn’t right for you move on. Go out with the men that ask you to go somewhere fun. If you meet someone you find interesting ask him to go somewhere fun. Keep it light.
Cheryl Ann
Robin McGann says:
Try dating when you are 55, widowed and work on the West Coast on New York hours! (I’d love to go out – can we do the Early Bird Special?). Right now, I’m not interested in a life partner; rather, I’m interested in a companion for activities (I cycle, take Salsa classes -I;m the tallest one there ;-D), study French, do Yoga and love to try new things. I had a great marriage and am not looking for a “damaged” person. That is hard to find at my age! I need a dating coach to help me clarify the type of man I’m looking for and how to find him.
Pick me! Pick me!
belindabg says:
I really need a dating coach now. I’m ready to find the last love of my life, and have had an economic tsunami in my life the past 18 months. I lost everything; my job, my marriage, my 3 homes, most of my belongings, my life savings, my beloved animals, and my health.
It’s time for me to get lifted out of the ashes of the past and to find the heart and soul inside of me that still has so much love to give. I need a dating coach, a makeover, and a plan for my future. Gosh, this would be a nice start.
Cindy says:
I am 53 and would love to meet someone. I’m intelligent, funny, successful & hard working. People say I look 40. I’m lonely at times, and am not looking to be smothered with attention, because I’m an independent woman, work hard but enjoy my “alone” time. But it would definitely be nice to go out to dinner or a movie with an intelligent man who has something going for him. I only meet losers who are unemployed, just got laid off, injured on the job, getting money from the state, addiction problems, You name it on the loser list and I for some reason attract them like a magnet. I won’t do dating internet sites, not for me. My adult daughter says “mom, some guy isn’t going to just appear at your front door”….why can’t it be That easy. Like pizza delivery…order up the creme de la creme~ for me HE would have to be: spiritual, have integrity, good morals and values, hard worker, good sense of humor, kind. NOW that shouldn’t be too much to ask for, but I’m still on the lookout…I’m in the Olay site as “Lifeiswonderful2” if you want more details on me 🙂 Thanks for listening.
Wendy Vaughn says:
I was with my children’s father for 30 years. Ten years ago we divorced and I have attracted one other man that was just as dysfunctional as the first. I would like to meet a man that would be my partner for life with a 50/50 mentality. In other words, treats me as if I am on the same level of intelligence and pays half the bills. Is that asking too much?
Rhonda says:
I would like a dating coach because I haven’t been dating lately. I was dating someone before my mother passed away, and after that I lost interest in dating. Now I am ready to enter the dating world again, but it is difficult to meet single men my age. I joined many online dating sites, but I never actually get to meet anyone in person. Most of my friends are married now, and I just hang out with them, so I have little exposure to single men. At work, there are no available men my age.
Susan says:
I’m recently divorced and also just had my heart broken by someone I thought was the one. I’m scared to start dating again and very distrustful of men. How does one get over that? I’ve also read yours and some readers comments about on-line dating services. Wouldn’t this option be okay if a woman is meeting the “on-line” man for coffee, etc. ? I definitely agree with the idea of dating each person a few times to see if any baggage comes out. Right now I’m not thinking about a long-term commitment–just someone to go do things with. I am also looking into singles events in my area. Is this considered a good, safe source for people to meet, in your opinion? If I went this route, I would be focusing on those events that appealed to me–something in common, I figure, when potentially meeting someone. Any feedback from you on this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for your time.
Debbie Sexton says:
I need a dating coach because I just started dating again after like 20 years and it feels very strange!!
Gwen Surell says:
Cheryl,
I’ve been doing the online dating thing for 9 months with limited success. Most of the guys on the reject pile deserve to be there, many SAY they want to be dating but then claim they are too busy. What gives? I’ve also been introduced by mutual friends — no luck there either. I would love to find someone to share the rest of my life with. I would appreciate any tips and guidance you can offer! Thanks.
Gwen
Cheryl Ann Savage says:
Hilda,
WOW…you have come through a lot over the last 21 years. Your ready to start your new life. Write down what it is you want for yourself in a relationship and in your life moving forward. Have a party invite all your single and married friends. Have the single friends bring a friend of the opposite sex to the party. Have the married friends bring a signal friend as well. Before the party have your hair professional done, get a facial maybe a new outfit. Put on some fabalous music, have great food, and drinks. Let everyone know you are ready to start dating and open to set ups. We as women must have the courage to claim our lives.
Have fun
Cheryl Ann
Cheryl Ann Savage says:
Dear Linda,
You are ready to get all the romance and passion you want. Yes at 65….have the time of your life. Just think about what you know now that you didn’t when you frist fell in love. All the wonderful knowledge you have. Go to events that interest you where men congrergate, go with an intent to meet 3-4 men. Take cards with your name and phone number on them. Approch the man you find interesting. Talk with him no more then 3-5 mintues, if he seems interesting give him or them your card. Ask them or him to call you for coffee or a glass of wine. I believe the face to face incounters are far better then on line dating. Get out girl, smile, throw the sholders back and have fun.
Good luck
Cheryl Ann
Cheryl Ann Savage says:
Dear Karen,
You are on the right track. Just a couple of suggestions. When you meet a man its all about getting to know this person. You should go on at least 3 dates with every man before you decide if he has baggage or not or what the baggage is. In order to get a partner you must date. When you are out, look for interesting the man. (Don’t Judge)….You approch the man talk with him for 3 to 5 mintues if you find him “interesting” give them your name and number ask him to call you for coffee. Make sure you put on a big smile and have fun. The dating scene has to be fun. Good luck
Cheryl Ann
Sheila says:
Cheryl,
Good advice. I am sending your site to all of the people I now over 50 who are LOOKING. I have two daughters recently looking, so I would love for them to read your provocative insights. Thank you for sharing. You are informative and down right brilliant. At the moment, I do not need a coach so give my spot to someone who expresses need. They will be the lucky ones.
Darcy Mac says:
Great ideas and Fabulous tips. I’m thinking of someone that could benefit. “Oh” to be single again….j/k! 🙂
Joy Jacobs says:
LOVE this…Thank you so much for sending it, it’s really fun…
Being very happily married if I win the coaching session I will give it to one of my gal pals 🙂 Joy
Sue Martinus says:
The article is great and we could always use great useful infromation that helps us come outside our shell and put ourselves out there. Whether it is for a man or just to promote ourselves, we need this pick me up. You are an inspiration to all women in all ventures of life, whethter you are single, married, or a mother Cheryl Savage has all kinds of infomation for all aspects of life.
Irene says:
Cheryl gives great advice that all boils down to having CONFIDENCE that of course you are a great woman! No amount of fab clothing, hairstyle, or makeup is more attractive than self-assurance. It appears Cheryl would be a great coach for those ladies who are just a little bit reserved about putting themselves “out there”.
Lou Cervantes says:
You are an inspiration !!!!
Hilda says:
I have been divorced for many years (21). Since then, I have lostn my parents and my only child. I guess, I have been so busy just trying to cope with the grief and just get by, I haven’t really focussef on dating; I always thought meeting somebody would happen “naturally”. It would be so nice just to have a companion & best friend again! It’d be something beautiful to focus on & have faith in! I think I really need that dating coach! :o)
Linda says:
I have been a widow for three years, and finally decided I was ready to enjoy the company of a man again. I gathered my courage, entered online dating sites, and fell madly in love with a man who sounded too goood to be true. And correctly so, because he didn’t exist. I was the target of an attempted online dating fraud! Kind of funny, really, when I see how ready I was, at age 65, to be romanced and passionate. And now I know I want that. But how to find it? How to find him?
Karen says:
I need a dating coach because I am too picky. I haven’t dated in a very long time. People tell me that I have a wonderful personality, dress well and am very attractive. I have never been married and want a man who doesn’t have a lot of baggage. I don’t know where to go to meet an eligible man of quality. I’m well read, well traveled and enjoy the good life. I’m not a couch potato and need someone who has enough energy to keep up with me. I’ve tried the online dating sites. But, the men that have contacted me all just want a booty call. I want commitment and marriage at this stage of my life. I want a partner, not just another date.