Girls, We Are Golden!

LEAVE A COMMENT 2012 May 9

by Wendie Pecharsky
Home-sharing a la ‘The Golden Girls’ may soon be the new norm for baby boomer women.

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Two years ago, FOF Marianne Kilkenny of Asheville, North Carolina stumbled upon a whole new model for affordable living…literally. “It was Christmas Day, I was living alone and I fell down the stairs,” she says. “It was a while before somebody found me.”

Luckily, Marianne, who is divorced and has no children, was not too seriously injured, but took her fall as a sign. In 2007, Marianne had founded the Women for Living in Community Network, an organization which provides information on alternative living models for FOFs. After her fall, she decided, “I needed to walk my talk.” She and two other divorced women she knew took the plunge and rented a four-bedroom house together.

US Census data shows that more and more, single FOFs (almost half a million of them, according to a 2010 analysis by AARP) are choosing to live with other women of the same age, similar to the situation that was played out on the ’80s sitcom The Golden Girls.

“It isn’t easy to throw people in their 60s, 70s and 80s together,” Marianne admits. “We’re all bringing with us our families of origin, with all their dysfunction.” But, Marianne says that home-sharing has given her a sense of connectedness that she wouldn’t have found living alone. “There’s someone to leave the porch light on for me when I come home late. It’s heartwarming.” Plus, Marianne says, without home-sharing, she could never have afforded to live where she does.

Marianne was fortunate to know her housemates before they all moved in together, but many FOFs have had to rely on their own resourcefulness to find others like themselves.

Bonnie Moore, 67, of Bowie, Maryland, is one of those women. “I had invested a lot of money in my house, and didn’t want to lose it,” says Bonnie, of her five-bedroom manse. But after her divorce, she needed help paying the mortgage. She scoured Craigslist to find four housemates, and after a few mismatches, she finally hit upon the right mix. Now, the five women operate like one big happy family. “Women need companions, and when I walk in the door in the evening, there’s someone there to ask me, ‘How was your day?’”

In fact, Bonnie is so pleased with how her living arrangement came together that she has decided to make a profession out of matching FOF home providers with home seekers. In March of this year, she created the website GoldenGirlsNetwork.org, which she hopes will one day evolve into a nationwide network of shared-housing opportunities.

Like the fictional “Golden Girls,” Linda Williams, 65, fled the icy Philadelphia winters to live with her friend, Marsha, in a Sarasota, Florida, over-55 community. But unlike her TV counterparts, Linda, who is divorced, only shares the condo from January to April, when her housemate comes to stay. The rest of the year, she has the place all to herself. But, Linda couldn’t have made the move without the financial support of her friend. “To stay for the season is expensive,” says Linda “My friend suggested we pool our money.” It all worked out for the best: “It’s nice to have the company when she’s down here,” Linda says. “We have fun together, and I am living in a beautiful place that I couldn’t have swung on my own.”

However, Linda stresses the fact that just because two people are friends doesn’t mean they can live together. “You really need to talk and find out each other’s preferences down to the last detail,” says Linda. “Before you move in, take a trip or spend some time working on a project together, and see how it goes. And most important, remain flexible,” she says. “If you can’t be conscious, caring and direct, there’s going to be a problem.”

Marianne agrees: “You can’t go into this kind of living arrangement blind,” she says. “You have to figure out why you are doing it and what you want to get out of it. Is it strictly for financial reasons or do you want to have a family connection? For me, it was about forming relationships and personal growth. If you don’t want that, I don’t recommend shared housing.”

Other issues to consider, according to Bonnie, include privacy and personal preferences, such as smoking or pet preferences. “It’s vital to have extensive discussions about these issues.” Linda and her housemate, who’s also divorced, even hammered out a protocol with regard to dating. “We don’t bring men back to the apartment,” she says with a laugh. “We go to a hotel,” she adds, “It’s just as simple as that.”

Though at times it can seem daunting to reinvent oneself, FOFs have proven they are up to the task. “This continues to be my time and I want to live it my way,” says Marianne. Amen to that.

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{Money} Big dream, small budget? That’s okay.

LEAVE A COMMENT 2012 April 19

Meet 3 FOFs who have used a clever online tool to raise thousands of dollars and fund their dreams.

How it works: Kickstarter is a website where individuals can raise money based on the crowd-funding model. Instead of taking an idea to angel investors or venture capital firms, Kickstarter members share their dream projects with the general public for funding. A fundraising campaign can last up to 60 days, and a “backer” can opt to pledge anywhere from $1 to $10,000. The money is not collected unless the goal is met by campaign’s deadline.

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FOF Jane Jensen, Computer Game Designer

Kickstarter project: Moebius, the first adventure computer and tablet game from Jane’s new studio, Pinkerton Road.
Goal: $300,000
Funds pledged so far: $193,824 (at the time this article was published)
Days left of her campaign: 30


Moebius Concept Image

FOF Jane Jensen, a veteran computer game designer, is best known for her adventure game, Gabriel Knight: Sins of the Fathers, published in 1993 by Sierra On-Line. The game was named “Adventure Game of the Year” by Computer Gaming World magazine and was a huge commercial success. Jane went on to publish two more games in the Gabriel Knight series. Then, doom struck–literally and figuratively. “Doom, “a first-person “shooter” game, was also released in 1993 and “basically the whole industry moved in that direction and everyone said, ‘adventure games are dead,’” says Jane. “Sierra On-Line shut down their line dedicated to this genre.”

Jane has spent the last ten years working on “hidden object” games. “It hasn’t been super satisfying.” says Jane. “It’s been my dream to get back into adventure games.” This past year she took a first step when she opened her own Pennsylvania-based adventure game studio, Pinkerton Road.


Jane’s farm, where Pinkerton Road, her new adventure game studio, is located.

“I reached a point in my life where I decided I didn’t want someone else telling me what I should be doing,” says Jane. “I have fifteen years left to make an impact in this industry.” To fund production of her studio’s first game, Jane launched a Kickstarter campaign on April 5. In just 13 days, backers have pledged $193,814. (Jane says the majority of them are strangers). Jane’s project has been promoted as a “Project of the Day” in a Kickstarter e-mail, which she says has been instrumental to her success. She’s also worked very actively to keep the momentum up by answering hundreds of e-mails each day from backers and posting new video updates. “It’s practically a full-time job,” says Jane. She has thirty days left to raise a total of $300,000. Follow her project’s progress or pledge a donation, here.

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FOF Donna Guthrie, Documentarian
Kickstarter project: The Wedding Gown Project
Goal: $11,500–met on April 17, 2012!


A still from “The Wedding Gown Project.”

FOF Donna Guthrie devoted her career to short films and documentaries. She co-founded both the Rocky Mountain Women’s Film Festival and The Six Women Playwriting Festival; and she founded Meet Me at the Corner, video field trips for kids. However, she has never produced a documentary of her own or fulfilled her lifelong dream to enter a film festival.

Last year she set out to make her own film by traveling around the country and interviewing women about the stories behind their wedding gowns. “I wanted to find some universal conversation women can have. Every woman has a story about her wedding dress,” says Donna.

Donna had enough money to film the interviews and produce a Kickstarter trailer but still needed money to produce the documentary. She had known about Kickstarter and even backed about ten Kickstarter projects, including an umbrella company and a movie about monopoly. “If I think it’s a good idea I’ll put $10 towards it just for their darn creativity,” she says. “I like the idea of giving a hand up instead of a hand out.” Last month, Donna launched her own Kickstarter page to raise $11,500 for production of her film. “I wrote a letter to friends and they passed it along; sent out an e-mail; blogged about it; my kids posted about it on their Facebook…It was a challenge,” she says. The hard work paid off–on Wednesday, April 17, she met her goal. A combination of “friends and strangers” pledged $11,540 ($40 over what she had requested). Now, it’s off to the editing room for Donna.

Find out more about the Wedding Gown Project, here.

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FOF Anna Donahue, sculpture artist
Kickstarter project: “Face Me” kinetic sculpture
Goal: $2,500–met on September 14, 2011!


Anna’s “Face Me” kinetic sculpture.

FOF Anna Donahue is a Michigan-based interior designer who is passionate about sculpting. Each year, for the past three years, she has entered ArtPrize, an art contest in Grand Rapids, Michigan with a grand prize of $200,000.

In early 2011, Anna submitted an idea for a 6-foot-tall sculpture made from salvaged metal that moves upon human touch. The sculpture was meant to represent the loss of physical human interaction with modern technology. ArtPrize accepted her entry, at which point Anna realized she needed to raise money in order to create her sculpture.


Anna at the scrap yard where she salvaged metal for her sculpture.

With less than two months until ArtPrize, Anna launched a 45-day Kickstarter campaign. In the end, her goal of $2,500 was met, with most of the donations coming from friends and friends of friends (although she estimates that 20% of the money came from strangers.)

She didn’t win ArtPrize 2011, but her sculpture sold. “That was huge,” says Anna. “The whole purpose was to get my name out there, and overall, I think I was successful.”

Find out more about Anna’s sculpture, Face Me, here.

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Two more FOFabulous Kickstarter projects you should know about:

SuperHairoine children’s TV series by FOF Irene Smalls
43 days left to raise $19,950 (at the time this article was published)

Children’s book author (Jonathan and His Mommy, 1992, Little Brown and Company) and FOF, Irene Smalls is in the process of developing a children’s television series based on a “hairoine” named Rin whose hair is her superpower. “Hair is something that women agonize over,” says Irene. “I thought, let me turn this on it’s head and make hair a source of empowerment.”

Body Memories coffee table book by FOF Susan Falkman
14 days left to raise $4,516 (at the time this article was published)

A friend’s breast cancer diagnosis and eventual mastectomy inspired FOF Susan Falkman, a sculpture artist, to carve a marble breast as a gift for her friend. From there, Susan carved 28 similar marble sculptures which became a traveling exhibition. Now, she is raising the money to print a coffee table book with pictures from the show as an inspiring and healing tool for female cancer patients.

{Poll} Do you have (or give your spouse) an “allowance”?

LEAVE A COMMENT 2011 November 2

The other day, we overheard an FOF say she gets a monthly allowance from her husband…we also know FOFs who enforce monthly spending limits on their spouses. It made us wonder — just how many of you get or give an allowance? Take our poll, then find out what financial expert, Elle Kaplan, thinks. (Elle is a financial advisor who specializes in helping FOFs manage their money.)

Sorry, there are no polls available at the moment. Sorry, there are no polls available at the moment.

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Financial expert Elle Kaplan on “allowances”:

FOF: Do you think setting an allowance is a good way to protect a couple’s finances?
Elle: Marriages are complex, so what works in one marriage may not work in another and I don’t judge that. What I would say is whether you are the recipient of an allowance or a provider of the allowance it is your financial responsibility to know about the entire financial picture. I don’t care if you are spending 5% of it, as long as you have active awareness of where the other 95% of it is. I encourage and even insist that both parties participate in financial conversations.

FOF: Why is that?
Elle: It’s not a place where you can just leave it up to your partner. I’ve seen this happen, then tragedy strikes and all of a sudden your partner’s not there. Life will be hard enough with heartache and grief, you don’t want to add this to the tragedy to-do list, you really don’t.

FOF: What if you’re worried that your partner’s spending will have detrimental effects on your family finances?
Elle: Honesty about finances is important. Often you and your partner will have different spending styles and that’s fine. Even though the spending will be different, your ultimate financial goals are going to be the same. No matter what you’re spending or whether you’re the giver or receiver of allowance, you can help to get on the same page about these goals by being honest and transparent about your finances.

FOF: Is there an approach you suggest, other than setting spending limits, to help curtail a partner’s spending?
Elle: There’s nothing wrong with what I call the ‘Ménage à trois‘ approach to spending, where there’s ‘his’ money and ‘her’ money and ‘our’ money. The key is transparency; you should both know how to access everything.

FOF: Do you have clients in happy, trusting marriages who set spending limits on each other?
Elle: I’ve seen it work quite well when couples have a baseline understanding about what’s reasonable to spend. That doesn’t mean a wife is calling her husband every time she makes a purchase saying, ‘This is $300, can I buy it?’ or visa versa. Instead, they might have set amount, say $500, that before either of them spend they will have a discussion about it. But below that amount they have the trust and ability to do what they like.

Elle Kaplan is the Founding Partner and CEO of Lexion Capital Management. Elle provides a broad range of wealth and risk management advice to individuals, foundations, trusts, and endowments.

{Money} “I’m 54. Is it too late to save for retirement?”

LEAVE A COMMENT 2011 November 2

We recently received this question from an FOF member:

“I’m 54 years old, and I have nothing saved for retirement. Is it too late? Can I live on social security?”

Yes, this sounds scary. It’s also an all-too-common scenario for FOFs: Almost 50% of boomers don’t have enough money saved for retirement, according to a 2010 report by ERBI.org.

But when we posed this question to Elle Kaplan, a money manager who specializes in helping FOF women plan for retirement, her advice left us feeling surprisingly empowered and optimistic.

Says Elle: “Look at your financial assets the same way you look at your health. You wouldn’t wake up at 54 and say, ‘Well, it’s too late to be healthy so forget about exercising and eating right.’ It’s definitely not too late; you can have a wonderful financial future,
but start today!

“Step 1: For the next two months, write down everything that you spend, and all your bills. That way you can really see what money is coming in and what money is going out.”

“Next, figure out what your social security payment is going to be each month. The Social Security Administration will provide this information and tell you how much you’ll get if you retire at 67 or if you put it off until 70.

“Seeing these numbers–what you’re spending and what you’re going to have from social security–will let you know how much you need to start saving to fill the gap.

“Some women may find that by cutting costs here and there, they can save enough to fill their retirement gap. Where can you easily cut back? Do you buy your coffee every morning? Do you pack a lunch or buy it? How often do you eat out? Do you buy clothes on sale? Are these expenditures a necessity? Because saving for retirement is a necessity.

“For some women the gap may be quite large–they need to take a more aggressive approach.

“Three more aggressive, but very doable strategies:
1. Stop taking care of your adult children. This is a problem with so many FOF women. You need to tell your kids: ‘The most loving thing that I can teach you at this point, is how to be self-sufficient. So that hopefully one day you won’t be stressed about retirement the way I am right now. I’m giving you that gift.’

2.  Change your location. I have a client who works in New York City, however she’s from a small farming community where she still has friends and family. Her retirement strategy is to return to that community where the cost of living is significantly less and her dollar will go much farther.
3.  Consider semi-retirement. There’s nothing wrong with thinking about second careers to keep some income coming in. It doesn’t have to be a full-time gig. Consider some aspect of your job that you enjoy–how can you continue it on a part-time basis?

“Now that you know how much you need to save, you need to figure out where to put those savings.

“First, is there an employer match for your 401K? If so, you need to max that out immediately. If not, a beautiful option for this woman is a Roth IRA.  The IRA is the asset class, but then you have to choose what goes in the IRA. There are a number of really nice market-based index funds. They are inexpensive and you’re going to have instant diversification. You’ll own a basket of 500 different securities and they’re low cost–low fees.

“The most important thing: Saving for retirement doesn’t have to be radical. It’s like anything else in life. If you said to me tomorrow that you were going to be on an all-vegatable, 1,000-calorie diet, how long would that really last? An hour!  It’s too extreme. But if you said, ‘instead of a donut in the morning, I’m going to have whole-wheat toast,’ that’s realistic.

“Retirement is no different. If you’re 54 and you’re retiring, let’s say, at 70, you’ve got 16 years.  You can change your reality in that time.”

Elle Kaplan is the Founding Partner and CEO of Lexion Capital Management. Elle provides a broad range of wealth and risk management advice to individuals, foundations, trusts, and endowments.