I’m divorced and my son always spends Thanksgiving with my ex-husband and his new family. I feel left out and would love to be included. What should I do?
Reading your post, the word “vulnerable” jumps to mind.
Can a little bit of simple, honest vulnerability be your friend here?
What about “I feel left out and would love to be included?” is too scary to say to your son?
Where may old habit have exerted too much control here, on everyone, and what cool new traditions could your bold sharing spark?
If you would like to be included can you ask your ex-husband if he would consider inviting you this year?
Without knowing the age of your son I am going to answer this assuming he is an adult. If he is a child then a whole different reasoning would apply. As an adult you have the right to discuss this issue with your son. Your needs are equally as important as anyone else’s. Do you get along with your ex-husband? Would he welcome you to share in the celebrations with his family? If not then you need to isolate why your son doesn’t include you in the celebrations of the day itself. Perhaps he doesn’t realise just how important it is too you. Have you always given him the impression that you were not that interested in the day (despite this not being the case but as mothers we tend to downplay our own needs to see our children happy)? First and foremost you need to sit down and make a list of why you feel left out and then write down ways you can change this. If is not directly about your son but more about feeling alone then perhaps volunteering at a homeless shelter on that day would change everything for you as you give to others on a special day. Take control of the situation and create the outcome you want.
Username or Email