MommacatMelin SAID:

My 2 best friends, my mom and my mom-in-law all died within 7-1/2 months. My father-in-law followed and died 6 months later. I lost the 5 people closest to me in the world in a very short time except, thankfully, my husband. I’ve suffered terribly with grief, guilt, etc. I tried a grief counselor whose big suggestion was to make a photo collage. (Right after I told her I couldn’t look at photos of any of these people). She was so lame! While my situation was extreme in that there were so many people in a short time — everyone our age is, or will soon be, facing deaths of loved ones. Trust me, there is a severe lack of good grief counselors. And virtually none who will come to your home. I would love to learn how to counsel folks in this situation and in the meantime, help myself. Thank you.

2 Answers

  1. Mike Halsey wrote on :


    Thank you for posting. I do apologize for missing it until now, and hope the past few months have softened your grief or at least created some clarity on where to put it. Yours is such a tremendous amount of loss to process in a short time.

    If find it beautiful that you so quickly translate your own struggle into an opportunity to learn to help others. I am also very sensitive to the fact that anything I share here will likely fall well short of what you need, so will just offer a few inquiries to explore if they feel relevant:

    1. What did these people mean to you, deep down? Beyond their obvious titles and roles, what did these unique beings bring into your life? How can you share or honor that through others?

    2. What do you make, if anything, of the fact that all of this loss happened to occur in one short period? We humans seem to create story lines to explain what we can’t understand. Just in case your story makes the grief feel worse or somehow more personally punitive, I’d suggest exploring that with all the honesty and wisdom in your heart.

    3. What is the difference between pain of loss and emotional suffering? Can you welcome the former — let it flow through you, feeling every bit — while not wasting time in the latter?

    If or when you have the energy…
    4. What are your views about your own life and death?

    Big, big questions, I know. I wholeheartedly invite you to contact me or any of the great coaches on this site to take advantage of a complimentary sample session. You can dive right into this topic or any other, and will likely take away real value while learning more about a modality outside traditional counseling or therapy. I, for one, would love to hear from you.

    Much peace your way,


  2. Rosanne Leslie wrote on :

    I am not sure if you can “learn” how to counsel folks in any area, experience is the way. You grieve. You feel, you empathize, these are the ways we counsel best—through feeling and compassion. That is all you need. And feeling empathy and compassion for yourself is the best way you can help others.

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