How can I learn to be less judgmental and dogmatic about everyone and everything in my life? I know that with your teachings, I can resolve these issues and start to go forward on a new path in my life.
The fact that you notice these habits and want to change is a huge step on the forward path, so congratulations. I suspect a bit of rethinking the origins and malleability of human perspectives — both yours and others’ — could really ease the burden you may be feeling.
I’ve learned time and time again that our harshest judgements and most rigid opinions tend to be rooted in what we fear or are less-than-secure about in ourselves. Whether the trigger is a physical appearance issue, personality trait or work/lifestyle behavior, our judging can arise like a little voice inside that barks, “I can’t let THAT slip by — it might be contagious!”
I’m curious….
What types of things do you catch yourself being judgmental or dogmatic about?
What negative impact does it have on your life?
What would it be like to retain your personal preferences, without carrying the baggage of judgemental dogma?
Homework suggestion:
For one week, notice and name each judgmental pang. Then ask yourself….
1. How did this person come to view or approach matters they way they do?
2. How can I help them or the overall situation?
3. If you can help, do that. If you can’t, choose to be smart. Drop it like countless other pieces of unsightly junk which you have neither the time or energy to carry with you.
It is human nature to compare ourselves to others, which can often cause harsh feelings and divisions in relationships. Consider these points when you find yourself falling in to the judgment mode:
• Each of us was created with a specific purpose in life, with a journey that is uniquely ours.
• Each person was ‘pre-packed” for that journey with a set of gifts, values and personality traits to support that journey. Also, we were NOT given certain gifts because they are not useful for our purpose. Those who are unlike you are on a different path, and have different tools to unpack for their journey. Those tools are no less significant than yours, they just don’t align with your purpose and lifestyle.
• What you see on the outside is often does not reflect what is really happening on the inside. When you find yourself judging someone, stop to consider what may be taking place behind the scenes, trading your criticism for compassion.
• If you are judging others because you need to pump up your own self-worth, make a list of the things you love about yourself and the things others compliment you on. Then embrace the amazing and unique woman you are, without comparing yourself to others. Thank goodness you are YOU!
Finally, consider this quote: “Look at the weaknesses of others with compassion, not accusation. It’s not what they’re not doing or should be doing that’s the issue. The issue is your own chosen response to the situation and what you should be doing. If you start to think the problem is “out there,” stop yourself. That thought is the problem.”~ Stephen Covey, author of “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.”
first, and foremost, do not judge yourself. make it a practice to not judge for one hour a day, keep doing this and eventually you will find yourself free from judging, period. we are all human–when we find ourselves judging ourselves or others? a nice gentle tap on our shoulder should be enough of a reminder to stop.
0 Answers
Mike Halsey wrote on :
HI Patti,
The fact that you notice these habits and want to change is a huge step on the forward path, so congratulations. I suspect a bit of rethinking the origins and malleability of human perspectives — both yours and others’ — could really ease the burden you may be feeling.
I’ve learned time and time again that our harshest judgements and most rigid opinions tend to be rooted in what we fear or are less-than-secure about in ourselves. Whether the trigger is a physical appearance issue, personality trait or work/lifestyle behavior, our judging can arise like a little voice inside that barks, “I can’t let THAT slip by — it might be contagious!”
I’m curious….
What types of things do you catch yourself being judgmental or dogmatic about?
What negative impact does it have on your life?
What would it be like to retain your personal preferences, without carrying the baggage of judgemental dogma?
Homework suggestion:
For one week, notice and name each judgmental pang. Then ask yourself….
1. How did this person come to view or approach matters they way they do?
2. How can I help them or the overall situation?
3. If you can help, do that. If you can’t, choose to be smart. Drop it like countless other pieces of unsightly junk which you have neither the time or energy to carry with you.
Enjoy the change,
Mike
Susan Tolles wrote on :
Patti,
It is human nature to compare ourselves to others, which can often cause harsh feelings and divisions in relationships. Consider these points when you find yourself falling in to the judgment mode:
• Each of us was created with a specific purpose in life, with a journey that is uniquely ours.
• Each person was ‘pre-packed” for that journey with a set of gifts, values and personality traits to support that journey. Also, we were NOT given certain gifts because they are not useful for our purpose. Those who are unlike you are on a different path, and have different tools to unpack for their journey. Those tools are no less significant than yours, they just don’t align with your purpose and lifestyle.
• What you see on the outside is often does not reflect what is really happening on the inside. When you find yourself judging someone, stop to consider what may be taking place behind the scenes, trading your criticism for compassion.
• If you are judging others because you need to pump up your own self-worth, make a list of the things you love about yourself and the things others compliment you on. Then embrace the amazing and unique woman you are, without comparing yourself to others. Thank goodness you are YOU!
Finally, consider this quote: “Look at the weaknesses of others with compassion, not accusation. It’s not what they’re not doing or should be doing that’s the issue. The issue is your own chosen response to the situation and what you should be doing. If you start to think the problem is “out there,” stop yourself. That thought is the problem.”~ Stephen Covey, author of “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.”
Rosanne Leslie wrote on :
first, and foremost, do not judge yourself. make it a practice to not judge for one hour a day, keep doing this and eventually you will find yourself free from judging, period. we are all human–when we find ourselves judging ourselves or others? a nice gentle tap on our shoulder should be enough of a reminder to stop.