“When you’re with your child, you’ve got to be present,” said Adam, my beloved Iyengar yoga teacher. He and Eve (yes, Adam and Eve) have a delicious, adorable and happy five-month-old son, Max, and Adam believes it’s important to stay focused when he’s with his child. Stay focused on Max, that is, not on 52 other things, such as his work, his Vespa, his best friends, his cell phone or the latest doings on his Facebook wall (I don’t actually know if Adam is on FB, but I used the example to emphasize my point). This doesn’t mean that you’ve got to be with your child 24/7 (you can still have a job and a life), but that you need to be there when you’re there.
Adam and "Maximo"
Bravo for Adam. I didn’t/couldn’t be totally present when my kids were little because I let my work distract me. I would hold my baby in one hand and the phone in the other; we’d take the kids on a trip and I was obsessed with staying updated on whether we were making our sales quota; I was obsessed with Edgar, so I went off into a trance (literally and figuratively). I did all this too often.
I can never give back my kids the attention I denied them when they were little. I robbed myself, too. Although my personality/limitations/neediness, and goodness knows what else, prevented me from being like Adam, I think he’s doing the right thing. And anyone who has a young child should try to be like him, too.
I once read a wonderful piece of advice from Penelope Leach (whose book was so valuable to me) “Play with your child until he or she has had enough, not you.” it’s very important for children to have some positive power, to learn they can be agents in a constructive way. (Most parents only let kids control things from the negative side, by tantrums, for example. It’s not that they mean to do it, but it happens by default.) Penelope Leach taught me a great deal, and I am grateful to this day for her books.
0 Responses to “Adam, Eve and Max”
Duchesse says:
I once read a wonderful piece of advice from Penelope Leach (whose book was so valuable to me) “Play with your child until he or she has had enough, not you.” it’s very important for children to have some positive power, to learn they can be agents in a constructive way. (Most parents only let kids control things from the negative side, by tantrums, for example. It’s not that they mean to do it, but it happens by default.) Penelope Leach taught me a great deal, and I am grateful to this day for her books.