When my gorgeous, outgoing, smart, no-nonsense FOF friend, W, found out her son’s girlfriend was pregnant, she wanted her to have an abortion. She thought her son and the girl, only 20, would ruin their lives if they had a child.
The young woman made an appointment for the procedure, but changed her mind at the last minute. W realized that’s what a woman’s choice really meant. “It wasn’t what I wanted that mattered,” she told me. Then W, a take-charge type, tried to convince the couple to give the baby up for adoption. She even called agencies to start the process.The girl refused.
“I cried for weeks, my son and I fought constantly and I again screamed to him. ‘This is the worst thing you could do to your life.’
“He screamed back, ‘What if it’s the best thing I did in my life?’ That stopped me cold and I had an epiphany, This isn’t about me. It’s about my son.”
W’s granddaughter is now 2 1/2 and the love of W’s life.”I’d rather play with her than go out. My son is a wonderful father and very happy. He takes care of his daughter during the day and goes to college at night.”
0 Responses to “An epiphany”
clevis says:
linkage part infromations
Duchesse says:
This story left me wondering: are the parents together? Are they able to support their child? If not, are the families willing and able to help? Is the mother continuing her education as well?
I’m not asking these questions to make any point, just wondering. I’ve seen unplanned pregnancies dealt with by various means, without consistent results. The only “right” answer is the one the mother chooses. (I’m still not at the point where I believe the man has as much say as the woman, and I know many would disagree.)
Geri says:
Hi Duchesse,
The dad is living with his mom (my friend). And the mom is living with the child at her mom’s.
They are still in school and the families are helping all around. The parents are still together, although not living together.
G.
Toby Wollin says:
Sometimes being FOF works against our doing the smart thing, in that in the back of our minds, from the distant past, are the voices of adults from ‘before’.
Before the Pill.
When if a girl got pregnant, her life was over (and she probably went ‘to visit an aunt’ or ‘to the home for unwed mothers’) and she didn’t get any dreams.
When if a girl got pregnant, and the guy was from a certain sort of family, HIS life was over (and he went to work and did not get to finish whatever schooling he was doing) and HE didn’t get any dreams either.
When the family would carry this horrific stigma – ‘don’t forget who you are’, ‘remember who your parents are’ and soon.
It’s easy to slip into hearing and feeling and mouthing those scripts from the past. Remember – WE were the first generation of young women who actually HAD the Pill. WE were the first generation of young women who had safe abortions available to us if we slipped up. WE were a generation of young women who chafed against those scripts – we should laugh at ourselves for becoming the sort of adults that we didn’t want to be 30+ years ago. Although we’ll always be their moms, what the kids need at a certain point is really the best adult friend they ever had. Not Mom.
Geri says:
Hi Toby,
Your comments are always so psychologically perceptive.
Geri
Geri says:
Thank you, LPC.
Have a wonderful weekend.
LPC says:
Great story, Geri.