And you thought Seinfeld was funny

Russ and his bride

Sister Shelley (middle sister) and brother-in-law, Russ, will celebrate their fortieth wedding anniversary on December 24. She was a month shy of twenty when she took her vows.  And she’s been making promises to Russ ever since.

Here are some of the vows Russ has asked Shelley to take—over and over—for a large portion of their last 14,600 days together. Well, they’re not exactly vows, but more like Rusty’s Rules of Order. They come along with his lifetime of pure devotion to my sister. And they even make Rusty laugh after all these years.

IN THE KITCHEN

Russ: “Stop resting your elbows on the table when you eat.”

Shell: “I promise I won’t.”

Russ:  “The reason you have knee problems is because of the way you sit at the table. You should stop doing that.”

Shell:  “Okay, I won’t.”

Russ:  “You really shouldn’t put too much food near the light in the freezer.”

Shell:         “I’ll remember that.”

IN THE BEDROOM (before they’re getting ready to cuddle at night)

Russ: “Take the barrette out of your hair.”

Shell: “Aye, aye, captain”

Russ: “Make sure you set your alarm.”

Shell:         “Yes.”

OUTDOORS

Russ: “Promise me you’ll look both ways when you get out of the bus.  I noticed you just run out without looking.”

Shell: “I’m still alive after sixty years, but I’ll make sure to watch next time.”

Russ: “Don’t wear high heels because we’re going to be doing a lot of walking and you’ll be uncomfortable.”

Shell: Silence, as she slips on her heels.

AND…IN THE BATHROOM

Russ: “When you take a shower, put some water under the mat so it sticks better.”

Shell:         “Yep.”

Russ: “I heard you rolling out the toilet paper.  Use less.”

Shell: “Absolutely.”

Note: Russ was the toilet paper monitor in high school. I swear!

We’re a slightly nutty family and so are the men we married. Ribbing aside, Russ and Shelley have one of the most successful marriages in the world. They love each other with all their hearts and Russ wants to protect my sister every moment he can.

The way he shows his love is endearing…if not slightly hysterical.

I love you, Russ.

P.S. Russ says he can’t wait to have a grandchild so he can have “someone else to boss around.”

4 Responses to “And you thought Seinfeld was funny”

  1. Leigh Chandler says:

    Another beautiful story! Reminds me of my parents! Such long and loving marriages are so few and far between but when you see one, we should all celebrate them and learn from them. Thanks for sharing.

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  2. Nicole Ricci says:

    This is SOOO TRUE.

    I’ve witnessed it.

    They are such a gorgeous couple and compliment each-other in every single way.

    I love them.

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  3. sharon segal says:

    Mazel Tov! May they celebrate many more years together in good health .

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  4. catherine says:

    LOL!!! very funny
    My husband and I have been known to act in a similar ways

    REPLY

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