I spent my 40s having uninhibited sex with E, a man from Mississippi (yes, Mississippi!) 14 years my senior. Thrilling sex. Sex that made me see stars – literally. Sex in all kinds of positions. Sometimes sex three times a night. Long drawn-out sex. Speedy sex. Sober sex. Inebriated sex. No toys. No chains, whips and blindfolds. Just me and E. Up until our first sexual union I couldn’t have even imagined sex could be so intoxicating,
E died 12 years after we met, when I was 53 years old. Although my sex life didn’t die with him, sex with new men didn’t come close to being as exciting. I didn’t care. I had left corporate America two years before to launch my own business, an all-consuming endeavor.
Then, year by year, sex has played a smaller and smaller role in my life. It’s not a big ticket in the lives of many of my FOFriends, either, whether or not they’re married.
A vibrator is an acceptable stand in for E, even if it doesn’t have a southern accent. Frankly, the thought of having sex with an older man who doesn’t look like Liam Neeson isn’t especially appealing. Besides, it’s doubtful Liam would fancy my current physique.
Enough about me. Let’s talk about you. If your interest in sex is diminishing weekly – but it distresses you – I know just the man who can help.
His name is Dr. James Simon, a prominent reproductive endocrinologist and certified sexuality counsellor in Washington, D.C. who has been called the “Menopause Whisperer” by Washingtonian Magazine. And, he’s just received the Distinguished Service Award from the International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health, which recognizes an individual’s dedication and commitment to the fields of women’s sexual medicine and health.
As Dr. Simon treated women in their mid-40s who were fatalistically accepting their declining libidos, he was determined to step forward. That was 25 years ago, when he opened IntimMedicine Specialists, his Washington, D.C. practice.
Now a preeminent authority on treating sexual, menopausal, and complicated gynecological problems, Dr. Simon explains there are “biological, sociological and psychological approaches to understanding low sexual desire and bringing couples closer together, rather than allowing them to drift apart.”
What’s more, “women who have successful intimate relationships, including sex, are less likely to have sleep problems or other medical problems, and even live longer,” he asserts.
Since 1996, Dr. Simon has helped thousands of women, men and couples understand their waning sexual interest and take action to reverse it. “Women feel diminishing sexual desire is a fait accompli of aging, and nothing can be done about it,” he adds. “When it is exacerbated by menopausal symptoms, sexual pain, and fear of hormones, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If neglected, additional social and inter-relational issues predominate, making treatment far more complex.”
The availability of pornography has had both positive and negative effects on sexual relationships, Dr, Simon believes. “It’s opened our eyes to new types of sexual encounters, which can help couples renew their sexual satisfaction. On the downside, explicit sexuality on the internet can raise unrealistic expectations,” he adds, “Patients ask me, ‘Why is sex so short?’ when they see it last an hour online,” he chuckles.
Dr. Simon and I have become friends, and we’re working together on an exciting initiative for mid age women – which we’ll announce later in the year. We’ve never discussed my sex life, but I’m certain that his intelligence, experience, wonderfully soothing style – teamed with his incredible ability to listen – will do wonders for yours.