“Who knows himself a braggart, let him fear this, for it will come to pass that every braggart shall be found an ass.” – William Shakespeare
We all enjoy sharing our successes with those we love, and sometimes with those we may not even like (come on, be honest, you do!) But, I’m always astounded when people blatantly – and prolongedly – brag about themselves and their families. What’s their goal? Surely, their close friends know what’s up in their lives. And why do they have a need to impress their acquaintances? Are they actually insecure about themselves, so sharing their accomplishments makes them feel more confident?
A man I know has been a braggadocio from the day we met, many moons ago. He recently went so far as to compose a lengthy email that included the following information:
He is now living in a “14-room apartment, but with one less maid’s room” than in the apartment where he used to live. (ed note: Why do two people need a 14-room apartment, especially with one less maid’s room?)
One son lives in this man’s old apartment, and also owns the penthouse above it, so it’s “a beautiful xxx* Avenue Duplex Penthouse with wonderful, huge terraces” (ed note: notice that Duplex Penthouse was capitalized in case the reader didn’t grasp the significance of the property.)
This son also has a “very impressive, full professor, gorgeous, blonde spouse and two very smart (as though they stepped out of a Ralph Lauren advertisement) sons.”
(ed note: notice the wife is smart AND blonde).
And if all that doesn’t impress you, the son is head of what is “considered the most prestigious (and probably profitable), largest, independent xxxxx broker in the xxx xxxx metropolitan area.”
His younger son is also “a continuing success” in the “extraordinarily difficult entertainment field,” lest the reader think that kid takes a back seat to son #1.
Both sons “work very, very hard, participate in good charitable endeavors, and are nice, good, gentle people.” Son #2 “hosts many fundraisers and donates his time and talent to very worthy causes.” (ed note: he then repeats that son #2 is a “very nice person,” in case the reader couldn’t remember what they read 50 words before.)
The man ends his family’s resume by telling the reader he “feels fulfilled and challenged.”
AGE DOESN’T TEMPER SOME PEOPLE. IT ONLY INTENSIFIES THEIR OBNOXIOUSNESS.
*PS, I’ve omitted facts that would reveal the identity of this man and his sons. Not that you’d want to know him after reading this!