We’re not getting married in the morning

I call David “my husband.” He’s not. I think the word boyfriend is a silly word for a FOF woman to use to define her relationship with a 65-year-old man. I’m not nuts about the nouns partner, man friend or companion, either.  So husband it is.

David and I are not really married

I wanted to marry David at one point in our relationship, which is over seven years old. I even angled for an engagement ring since I didn’t get one when I became engaged in 1968 when I was 21.  David bought me a beautiful diamond, but I didn’t call him my fiancé. That sounded dumb to me, too.

David hasn’t asked me to marry him, but I don’t care now.  We’re not going to name each other beneficiaries in our wills (my children and his children are our beneficiaries.) We’re not having children (ha.) So what’s the point of getting married?  I guess you could say it would show commitment, but I think we’re pretty committed as it is. We live together and we have Rigby, our Norfolk terrier.  I guess we could have joint custody if we broke up, but that would make Rigby sad.  I already made my children sad many years ago when their father and I split up, so I don’t want to do the same thing to Rigby.

David and I annoy each other at times, but we get over it fairly quickly. Sometimes it irritates me that he isn’t as social as I am, or as curious, and he doesn’t like Paris. But I get over all that, too. I go out without him when I want to go somewhere he doesn’t. I went to Paris with my former husband, for instance. I also have enough curious friends and relatives to keep me on my toes.

We’re alike in many important ways. We both thrive on work, we love our children (including Rigby and Remy, our cat), and we enjoy being in one another’s company, even when we’re at the supermarket or watching Curb Your Enthusiasm and Antiques Road Show. We don’t compete with each other. We don’t play (mind games) and we’re steadfast in our loyalty.

David and I “get” each other. That’s a lot to get.

18 Responses to “We’re not getting married in the morning”

  1. mimi says:

    I share a very similar situation. My guy and I have been committed and living together for about 8 years. We are both mid 50’s and have both been married before. For various reasons we do not intend to remarry, one being financial. Do I miss not being married? Yes, at times, but most of the time, no. I do have a ring he gave me several birthdays ago which I cherish, but it is not an engagement ring. More of a promise to be true.

    What do we call one another? Ha! We have tried them all; boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, better half, partner, companion and jokingly lover man and lover woman.

    Funny, how nothing ever sounds right. Why can’t we find the right description? If you find one, please let us know!

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    • Geri Brin says:

      Hi Mimi,

      Let’s have a contest when FOF goes live. You will be one of the judges. (I do like lover man 🙂

      oxo

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      • Geri Brin says:

        Hi Mimi,

        Let’s have a contest when FOF goes live. You will be one of the judges.

        oxo

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  2. Geri says:

    Hi Nancy,

    Good question. I haven’t, because I guess I’m old fashioned in that sense. 🙂

    If you were willing to have him move in now, do you think he would? If the answer is yes, I’d ask surely propose to him.

    It makes me happy that you love the blog.

    Fondly,
    Geri

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  3. Nancy says:

    Just wondering if you ever considered asking him? I am in a 3+ year r’ship and it is very much as you describe yours. We ‘get’ each other and it’s just a wonderful r’ship. However, I still have one child at home and it will be at least 3 more years before he is gone. I am rather old-fashioned in this one area – I don’t want to live together while I still have a minor child. We fully intend to live together later but at our age (we’re both 55) I hate wasting one more minute living apart. My ‘beau’ (giggle – thought I would use a really old-fashioned term because like you, I struggle with what to call him) feels the same way but seems afraid to ask me to marry him so, I’m thinking about asking him.

    Great blog, BTW – I enjoy it daily!

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  4. Geri says:

    Hi Helen,

    You paint such a beautiful image. What IS your favorite tropical destination? We love Turks & Caicos.

    fondly,
    geri

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    • Helen Kenney-Poore says:

      We’ve been to many, but we love Our Lucaya in Freeport Bahamas. It’s easy to get to, not too many people, great restaurants and nice people who, over the years, have become great friends.

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  5. Helen Kenney-Poore says:

    I felt exactly the same way. I even wonder if one of the reasons we actually got married after 10 years was so we could have a name for each other! Boyfriend…too old for that, partner…too cold, fiance…stupid, significant other…too 90’s. There was no ring, no proposal (really, at our age should this not be a mutual decision, not one waiting for the other to say a few words that will change our lives?). No, we just decided to go on vacation and it seemed like the right timing. Just the 2 of us, on a beach at our favorite tropical destination. Really looking forward to the website. Thanks!

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  6. lady jicky says:

    mmmm – let me think how to explain — something that is soooo cute its sickening! LOL

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  7. lady jicky says:

    I do not know if its said in your part of the world but alot of people will say “this is my partner such and such” — this to me sounds twee too! Like the person is a solicitor / lawyer! LOL

    As to getting married – hell, if it isn’t broke , why fix it!

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    • Geri says:

      LOL Lady Jicky. What does twee mean?

      G

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  8. Geri says:

    Hi Kari,

    Thank you, my dear.

    Geri

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  9. Kari says:

    Great post! My husband and I have been married for nearly 27 years and many people do not understand our independence, separate interests and yet our strong togetherness. You described it perfectly, whether married or not is not the point.

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  10. Maravonda says:

    Great post!

    Maravonda

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    • Geri says:

      Thank you!

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  11. Greet says:

    Geri,
    Happiness does not depend on getting marrried or not! If you feel good together as you are, so don’t worry! There is no difference.
    xxx
    Greet

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  12. Geri says:

    Hi Judith,

    You’re welcome. I’m glad you liked it. Where is your shop? I love your photos.

    Geri

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  13. Judith says:

    I have so many friends in the same position and you’ve articulated it very well. Life at this age should be enjoyed together without all of the “shoulds” we used to worry about.
    Thanks for sharing.
    Judith

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