{Bedroom Confessions} “Sometimes our top priority is getting sleep, not sex.”

Last month, we gave 12 FOF couples or singles the chance to win one of Sinclair Institute’s outstanding sex education videos. Sinclair has been helping people rev up their sex lives since 1991 and  is the leading source of sexual health products and videos in the United States.  Its Better Sex Video Series® has sold over four million videos in over 30 countries. Featuring real couples in loving and committed relationships, the videos explain and show us the stuff that turns them–and will turn you–ON!

We asked contest entrants which video they would most like to win. Then, we interviewed the winners–asking them to “bare all” about their sex lives. After they receive and watch the video of their choice, we will follow up and publish the interview here on the SEXcellent blog.

Below, is our fourth installment–an interview with FOF Lucy* and her husband, Richard* (names have been changed to protect their privacy.)

How old are you?
Lucy: I’m 51 and Richard is a few years younger.

How long have you been married?
Lucy: We’ve been married almost 20 years.

Were there any other marriages between you?
Richard: We’ve both been married once before.

How did you meet?
Lucy: In a bar!

Tell us about that.
Lucy: He knew a person who I was with. He asked me to dance and we’ve been together ever since.

Richard: That’s true.

What do you do?
Richard: I do I.T. work–I manage people. I’m a computer guy.

Lucy: I’m an exercise instructor.

Do you have children?
Lucy: I have a grown child. And we have a granddaughter.

Richard: They’re both my kids, too.

Lucy: He’s not bio-dad but he’s better than bio-dad.

Richard: That’s true.

Give us some background on your sex life together.
Lucy: I had a hysterectomy within a couple of weeks of meeting Richard, at age 29. Our sex life was fine in the beginning and for many years. But we’ve had sex less frequently during the past six years. Sex would often be painful. That’s why I went on bio-identical hormones within the last year.

Richard: That has helped some.

Lucy: It’s not painful anymore. So now we’d just like to get it going. It is still hard to find the time in our busy lives and make it exciting, I guess.

How come?
Richard: In the past year I’ve traveled a lot and my sex drive has decreased as I’ve gotten older.

Do you care about having a more active sex life?
Lucy: Yes, I do.

How come?
Lucy: If you’re not sharing that intimacy you have to find another way to create it, which is probably even harder.

Lucy, is there anything you’d like Richard to do, sexually, that he doesn’t do now?
Lucy: No.

Richard, is there anything you’d like Lucy to do, sexually, that she doesn’t do now?
Richard: No.

Are you both able to reach climax during sex?
Both: Yes.

When was the last time you two had great sex?
Both: We think it’s good, if not great, every time we have sex. No one particular time recently stands out.

Has the decline in your sex life affected your relationship?
Richard: I don’t think so anymore. But I was frustrated in the past because Lucy didn’t feel like it. But since my sex drive is not what it used to be, I’m not as frustrated.

Lucy: He’s finally catching up to me! When we have sex, it’s good.

Richard: There’s no tension because of it. It’s like Lucy said, it’s really good when we do have sex, but we both have to be in that moment–not tired, or like ‘I just worked out and don’t feel like taking a shower,’ that kind of thing. I travel a lot so that’s exhausting. We talk about having sex sometimes but it just doesn’t happen.

Why not?
Richard: Sometimes our top priority is getting sleep.

What would you like to accomplish?
Lucy: To create the time and to increase our desire. Maybe that would overtake the lack of energy. As we get older our libido declines, its not that we don’t want to have sex.

31 Responses to “{Bedroom Confessions} “Sometimes our top priority is getting sleep, not sex.””

  1. Mick says:

    Since when did it become unacceptable to go to bed to sleep? According to studies, most of working America is sleep deprived. This is not a sexual shortcoming or something that should concern people: if your body needs rest, there is no legal or moral obligation to substitute sex or feel that you are wrong because you want to sleep.

    Lose the guilt. Sleep if you are tired – and then you WILL have the energy to have sex. Being tired is not a condition which requires “correction” for heaven’s sake.

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  2. nikgwin says:

    Basically the same as us. We’ve only been married for 5 years, but have been together for 13. He is 60 and I am 51. We’d both like to have sex more often, we are just tired and need rest more. 🙁

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