What empty nesters must never say to those who left the nest

He won’t “be back for the summer” anymore.

You may have a little difficulty with your recent graduate out of the house and on his own, but at some point, you’ll need to embrace this new chapter in both of your lives.


Avoiding these questions, when you do have the honor of seeing him or her, will give you a little assistance during this transition and help develop that adult relationship with your darling offspring.

1. “Are you really wearing that?”

By the time she’s reached her 20s, your daughter has developed her own style. She probably doesn’t like your clothes either.


2. “I miss you… Can we be friends on Facebook?”

No. (And if you’ve already coaxed your daughter into being Facebook friends, don’t comment on how ‘hot’ she looks in all her photos.)


3. “Can you empty the dishwasher after you walk the dog?”

Your son didn’t visit home for the weekend to do your chores. At least say “please.”


4. “I was looking through your bookshelf when…”

When what? Why were you doing this?


5. “Do you miss home?”

Translation: “I am miserable with you gone. Any chance you’ll move back?”

0 Responses to “What empty nesters must never say to those who left the nest”

  1. Evan says:

    My daughter leaves for college this Fall (sob!) but I’d add one more to this list: Don’t ask them to clean their room -either before they leave or when they come to visit. It’s their room and that’s why doors were invented. And one more caveat about FB: whatever you do , don’t tag them in a photo. If they want to add that adorable shot of the two of you, they’ll put it on their page (or more likely Instagram.) My plan is to work 24/7 when she leaves:)

  2. NoreenB says:

    I am facebook friends with all my children, my nieces and nephews, some of their friends and plenty of friends and relatives of all ages. We all consider Facebook the family meeting place. A good rule of thumb, considering how employers and others are checking out social media sites before hiring people, etc, would be, don’t post something you wouldn’t want your mother to see.

  3. Diane says:

    I am of the opinion that in exchange for paying all of her expenses, I am allowed to ask my daughter to help out when she is home for the weekend.

    • Geri says:

      Good point, Diane

      Geri Brin

      • Ma says:

        As a parent of two college-aged children, one 2013 grad and another in 2014, I agree with points, except for Facebook. My kids’ friends have “friends-requested” me with no prompting from myself. I think this socialness is based on each individual. In high school my daughter would never have “let me in” but she has matured into our conversation and will speak her mind if something is over the line.

        • PammieO says:

          I made the mistake of commenting on my 20 yr old sons FB page. He erased it immediately and I quickly apologize and said I would refrain from future comments.

          • Margaret Graczyk says:

            As for using Facebook? Start slowly and let them do the posting and commenting. The least amount of commenting and “liking” can go a long way. This is also a good way for the parents and children to find out certain viewpoints without judgement. Another idea…have more than one FB account. There is probably a LOT more that our kids would NOT like to know. Save those postings for the adult friends 🙂

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