Remember those lines you used on potential “Prince Charmings” in your 20s? “Those probably won’t work anymore,” says FOF Dating Coach Cheryl Savage.
“When you’re in college, everyone is single — you are exposed to thousands of single people on any given day,” says Cheryl. “In our 40s and 50s, we are not exposed to as many single people as we were in our 20s and 30s. You have to intentionally go out to places where there are a higher number of single people, and you have to use an opening line that will gauge whether or not someone is available.”
Last month, Cheryl took FOF Sharon Nord on a dating outing to show her first-hand how to approach men. Sharon moved to New York City just over year ago, after she and her husband split.
“I haven’t had much luck meeting men in New York City–it’s difficult,” says Sharon. “My insecurities about meeting men are: getting turned down, ignored and laughed at. I was married a VERY long time and haven’t dated since I was a teenager. I’m still getting used to being more assertive.”
Cheryl and Sharon headed to Stone St., a popular post-work hangout for stockbrokers in the Financial District of Manhattan. To quell her jitters, Cheryl gave Sharon these 3 foolproof openers to use when approaching FOF men:
1. “You’re looking awfully cheerful. You must not work on Wall St., do you?”
Why it works: “This is what I call ‘the art of the question,'” says Cheryl. “Depending on where you are, your question is going to vary. In this case, we were around Wall St. on a day the stock market plummeted so it was appropriate, but you can tailor your question to your location or the specific man you want to talk to. Remember, the whole idea behind approaching a man, is to find out if he’s interesting to you. His answer will help you determine that.”
2. “My friend and I are having an argument about your nationality… are you Greek or Italian?”
Why it works: “Again, this falls under the ‘art of the question,'” says Cheryl. “Always ask an alternative-choice and not a yes-or-no question, so you can continue the conversation to find out if he’s interesting. At a golf event, you might ask: ‘What brings you and your friends to the golf event? Do you live in this area or are you just here because of the event?’ If you are somewhere more non-descript, like a bar, you might say, “My friend and I were debating whether you guys are brothers or friends. What is your relationship to one another?” Jump start the conversation to find out if this guy is interesting.
3. “What a great shirt! Does your wife shop for you?”
Why it works: “This is what I call “the art of the compliment,” says Cheryl. “To compliment a gentleman on his clothing is just nice. However, it should be a sincere compliment. By asking, ‘who shops for you? you or your wife?’ You can determine if this man is married or not. If he answers, ‘My wife,’ don’t freak out, extend the compliment and say, ‘wow your wife has great taste,’ and move on. “The whole idea of a dating outing is to find a man that might be interesting, find out if hes married and find out if he is in fact, interesting. That’s all. As woman we tend to overstress and over-analyze.”
—
Did these lines work? Using Cheryl’s openers, Sharon initiated conversations with 3 FOF men. “I did give my number to one gentleman,” says Sharon. “However, I never heard from him, oh well, his loss – now onward!”
0 Responses to “{Dating} 3 pick-up lines that actually work on FOF men”
Karen says:
@Norma Byrd, thanks for your thoughtful response. “Heritage” is an excellent choice. “Family background” is good too. I am proud of my heritage and don’t mind people asking about it politely. All my life I’ve been asked questions like, “What are you?” or “What country are you from?” I used to answer politely but now that I’m older and crankier I’m just as likely to answer, “I’m 4th generation American; why do you ask?”
cheryl savage says:
WOW very interesting comments….Ladies we are not in our 20s we must be open to approching an interesting man. These are a couple of ideas, please read the other artical’s FOF has printed on the site by me. There are other tools, not all tools work for everyone. If you are reading the artical you are intersted and it’s OK. We are in different times, if you want love it all starts with dating. Sharon is great, we had alot of fun. I look forward to seeing you soon Sharon. take care Cheryl
Cynthia says:
Ruby1 has the right idea. It may be cheesy, but if you can’t laugh, no relationship is worth it!
I agree that we all have a certain level of intelligence that does get overlooked. However, that doesn’t mean we’re all at the same stage in our lives. Lots married young and never really indulged in the art of dating. Best advice to them – don’t use lines. If you can see through someone using lines, don’t you think the reverse is true?
ruby1dsd says:
This one worked so well that it began a 10 year romance. “So you say your father was a baker? Oh, he isn’t? I thought he must have been, because he sure gave you some nice buns”
venuswithin says:
I love the fact that you are sharing these tips with the FOF. Some of us have not dated for 20 years and frankly forgotten how. It is hard to shift out of the business mode and into the flirty mode. We can all use some tips on getting our girly back. Thanks!
Christia – The Most Selfish Woman in America!
mercedes says:
Stop whining. For heaven’s sake, if you don’t like the topic, don’t read it. Simple as that. But coming here to cry and stomp you feet is ridiculous.
I didn’t find the topic “degrading” or a “put down” in any way whatsoever. And for those who do, I can only assume they’ve been living a really sheltered life and haven’t been out in the “real world” in years. It’s all about conversation and “starter” lines when you’re meeting someone new, and for women over 50, it’s even more important. Pretending it doesn’t – or acting “offended” by the prospect – is equivalent to hiding your head in the sand or putting your hands over your ears and eyes. Wake up.
Now, as for the substance of the article – I thought the first suggestion was a good one. But I thought the “nationality/ancestry” one was out of line. For me, if I heard people debating someone’s nationality, I would think they were racist and would immediately write them off. But that’s just me.
sharon nord says:
Wow, like it or not – it was a fun evening. I must say, however, I take extreme offense at being called a “street lady”.
Norma Byrd says:
I absolutely agree with Dil Lana in questiioning this article related to the intelligence of most of us FOF women! As I said before, such “lines” put us down, and the photo shown made me think of, pardon me, but “street ladies” on the prowl. As to Karen’s question about the term “nationality”, I don’t see anything wrong with asking about a person’s background because I think our roots are and should be important, but I have always used the term “heritage”. Mine is Italian and I’m rather proud of it. I would like Karen’s (or anyone else’s) thought on that.
Karen says:
Thank goodness I looked at this article out of curiousity rather than need. “Nationality” means you are asking to what nation a person belongs. I am not white and I get annoyed when people ask me that question. To me it implies that the questioner assumes that I am not American. I recommend asking, “From what country did your ancestors come?” or if that is too formal then substitute “ethnicity,” which is less offensive.
Dil Lana says:
When I saw the heading, the first thought that came to my mind was “oh no, FOF is becoming another Cosmopolitan/G.Q…stlye rag, or those teenie rags: “10 sure-fire lines that get you a cute girl in 5 minutes at your football game” or “8 things he will like to hear on the 2nd date”. Well.. leave you to observe what future brings..but FOF, if you could please consider the following points:
– Is this topic too shallow for the usual FOF who is smart and have passed five decades in life? FOFs know the ways of life than a teenage. Have common sense…
– Let us say it is necessary to have this topic. If so, then – does this article deliver what it promised in the heading? In my view, it does not. It felt kind of flat.
I may be wrong – then enlighten me please. Are there any FOFs who found this article informative and/or useful and/or good? I am really curious to know others’ opinions.
Thanks,
Dil
Norma Byrd says:
I don’t know. Is it just me or do all these ploys come off as simply sounding desperate? I’d like to think women who go out trolling are showing moxy, but then I know I could never do that. I’d feel degraded. Guess I’m too “old fashioned” (Victorian?) and think meeting men should be natural and not forced. Is it working for me? I have no idea since I’m not in a position to test the theory.