{My Story} Old maid to hot babe

This FOF got hitched after fifty. Now, she’s paying it forward by teaching other women how to find late-in-life love, too.

[Editor’s note: The essay below, by FOF Jane Harris, is part of a series of personal blogs from our readers. Have your own story to tell? Email your idea to sara@faboverfifty.com.]

When I turned fifty, I really believed it was over for me–that having a wonderful and loving relationship with a man was no longer possible. I would soon find out it was really only the beginning.

I was born in England and had a troubled childhood and teenage years. This continued in my adulthood,  in the form of ongoing disastrous relationships with men. I had no problem meeting men and dating. I lived with some, and moved with one to New York City (where I still live to this day) when I was 27. However, this relationship nor any others lasted beyond three years.

In 2000, when I turned 50, I started dressing more “appropriately” for my age–hemlines below the knee and necklines at strangulation levels! I believed that men were only interested in younger women anyway. I was alone, unmarried and unhappy.

My life was not working. It was time to do something! My boss at the time introduced me to motivational workshops with The Landmark Forum and from there, I embarked on a very-powerful journey of self-reflection and taking responsibility for my life.

In a coaching session at Landmark, I had an epiphany. It was not that men stopped being attracted to me, it was ME who had stopped being open to men. My beliefs that I was too old and that men only wanted younger women caused me to stopped flirting and being open to love. It was ME who switched my light off! In that moment, I decided I was going to go from an “old maid” to “hot babe!” No sooner did I find myself beating men of all ages off with a stick!

Please do not get the wrong idea. I was not out there with thigh-high hems and low-cut tops flaunting my sexuality. No, my “hot babe” persona mostly did not have to do with sex, it came from the inside and manifested itself in my confidence with men.

When I met Richard, it was not love at first sight for us. He was actually looking for a younger woman (he is same age as me) because he wanted a child. Also, I was not what he would have considered his physical match. Our attraction was based on what we value. For him it was my kindness, playfulness, that I always laugh at his jokes and most importantly, my loving heart. For me, it was his intelligence (very sexy), sense of humor (he is very funny and provides a lot of fun in my life!) and his wonderful thoughtfulness. Richard believed a child could provide him love, but felt I filled that void and it was a non-issue that I was past my child-bearing years. After two years of dating we moved in together and three years later, in 2005, we got married in a friend’s beautiful garden.

I was passionate about paying it forward. Richard thought I would make a wonderful dating coach (bless him) and suggested NYU’s certificate coaching program. I had not been in school for 40 years, but, after a year of hard work, I became a certified a coach in 2007. Choosing dating and relationship coaching as a speciality was a no-brainer because of my own journey.

Everyday I get to support women and help them open their hearts to connect with men creating a relationship that they have always wanted. Apart from Relationship By Choice, my one-on-one sessions, I have recently partnered with Linda Turner, an art therapist and psychotherapist. Together we have developed a LoveShop for women 40-80. We help women clear the barriers that are in the way of them having the relationship they desire. I feel so fulfilled!


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For more information about Jane’s relationship coaching service or a complimentary Relationship Discovery Session with Jane, e-mail her at: jane@relationshipsbychoice.com with “Relationship Discovery Session” in the subject.
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11 Responses to “{My Story} Old maid to hot babe”

  1. Laurakb says:

    It wasn’t until I was around 50 that for the first time in my life I find myself with plenty of potential suitors. Reluctantly at 49 I fell in love (I had just wanted to have fun). After feeling love in a way I never had before, deeper and more intense, he ended it when his 16 year old daughter moved in full time. Now I’m seeing someone, another man just told me he backed off since he didn’t want to be the rebound guy and is happy I’m seeing someone so it can end soon and we can date! Crazy! By the way don’t pay attention on this site when the “experts” say not to show your knees or wear ankle boots, pshaw! The men love it!

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    • lovebychoice says:

      Thank you for telling us your story!
      Love….Jane

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  2. Mick says:

    This is a lovely story. It’s not so much a love story as an illustration of how you can accomplish anything you want to accomplish if believe in yourself and lose the baggage. Let’s not self-impose baggage. You are strong and you have lots of liftime learning to carry you if you are over 50. USE that wisdom and you can do anything you truly want to do. Pursue your passions – you only have one lifetime in which to do it.

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    • lovebychoice says:

      Thank you! And well said!

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  3. casey04 says:

    I can so relate to this!

    Thanks very much!!! I want to learn more!!!

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    • lovebychoice says:

      You are welcome! What else would you like to learn?

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  4. Mamavalveeta03 says:

    So now single women over 50 are relegated to “Old Maid” status? I really can’t believe that Fab over 50 has fallen for that old line. This is one place I NEVER expected to see an article with that headline. How disappointing!

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    • lovebychoice says:

      I am so sorry!! This is Jane here. I wrote the article and that is my line and was really how I felt at the time!
      So this has nothing to do with other women at all – it is all about me and my story.

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      • Mamavalveeta03 says:

        Thanks, Jane, for your response. I am sorry to hear that you felt that way, but I do believe that in part, it’s because we raise our daughters to believe that a “Knight in Shining Armor” is going to come along and save them from singlehood. We should encourage one another to see being single as a state that is WHOLE unto itself. (and read “The Paperbag Princess”-It’s a book I read over and over to my 3 girls!)

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        • Jane says:

          You are very welcome! I totally understand what you are saying, I know that happens quite a bit. Thank you for letting me know about the book – will take a look! Actually I never felt that a Knight or any man was going to save me from singlehood – I felt quite happy being single for many years – hence being single until age 50! When I coach women I support them in falling in love with themselves – that for me was “hot babe” I loved being that I was having so much fun and had nothing to do with “catching” a man. I did however get to the point where I wanted to love and be loved and share my life with someone. What I have found is that being a couple actually has had me grow and expand as a human being (sometimes not easy) Which I don’t think would have happened being alone . Yes, I had done much growth alone but it goes to another whole deeper level living with someone else! Thank you for responding to me and for this conversation I so appreciate it! Lots of love…Jane

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          • Socorro says:

            Thanks so much for the heads up. Joined them and liked them on FB!! Scrolled through and it looks like they cover some great tpcios. As a single mom, I can use all the help I can get. Thanks again.

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