DrupalWomenQ-#7472

What do you suggest for a married woman who hasn’t had an orgasm in 18 years. I’m married but my husband just has his “wam-bam thank you mam'” type of sex without even being able to penetrate me. It’s like he’s masturbating on me which makes me mad and sick. Help.

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3 Answers

  1. CandidaRoyalle wrote on :

    I agree with MsJeanna’s response. I think it would be very productive for you to talk to someone about why you’ve endured this for so long, and you need to address the sack of sexuality and sensuality in your marriage. Sometimes when people have let things go on for so long it’s because they’ve made a sort of unspoken agreement to not face their problems and to simply do without. There are many couples who go to counseling only to realize they really don’t want to fix it, for what ever reason… It’s interesting that your husband has let this go on for this long as well. Everyone deserves to healthy sexual life. It’s good for our psyches, our health, both mental and physical, and our self-esteem. Sensuallity is also very important. Being touched and caressed is as important as being sexually active. I highly recommend that you see someone alone, and if your counselor or therapist agrees, then you should find a good couples counselor to go to with your husband. Or you can try that first, if he’s receptive. A good place to look for a couples marital and/or sex therapist is by going to aasect.org. That stands for the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists. Their web site has listings of certified counselors all over the country. Good luck! You deserve better!

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  2. Jeanna Hofmeister wrote on :

    Oh my dear~
    Sex is a touchy topic for both men and women. What I do want to encourage is that you first let your husband know that you deserve to be an equal partner in love making and that it is NOT okay for him to leave you unfulfilled. If he’s having erectile dysfuntion or premature ejaculation issues, you can encurage him to seek some medical advice. But it’s important not to lose your sense of sensuality or self in the midst of this. I would strongly encourage you to see a counselor solo to get a better understanding of why you’ve waited 18 years to declare your misery. I know a good therapist will help you embrace your desires, see them as healthy and deepen your understanding your wants, needs and desires. Perhaps getting a better understanding of YOU will allow you to see a way to communicate with your husband. I hope you find the strength to move forward with that. Remember, being in action about whatever is bothering you is always the quickest way to feeling empowered, positive and strong in the face of change. Stewing and feeling sad only leaves you feeling disempowered and hopeless. Let me know how it goes. I will send you lots of positive mental energy.

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  3. cjgolden wrote on :

    I am so sorry, but this way out of my area of expertise. Sounds to me like a marriage counselor is the way to go with this. I wish you the best. CJ

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