DrupalWomenQ-#8262

I’m dating a 64 year-old who is impotent but wants to be intimate. While he is able to please me orally, no matter how much I caress him (manually or orally) he does not get off. Is there something else I can do to make him feel satisfied?

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6 Answers

  1. Patricia Jones wrote on :

    I am 50 and have an incredible desire to find a man who will love me, laugh with me, shop with me, and do all the things that a couple over 50 do together; however I have a problem with men wanting nothing but sex all the time. I feel like every man I meet just wants a pin cushion. I am not opposed to sex, but I feel that it is the main thing men are looking for in a partner. I personally like to get to know someone or spend some time with them before jumping in the sac. I went out with a man a couple times and he asked me “Is this relationship EVER going to get intimate?” REALLY?? He bought me dinner twice, and lives with his brother, who NEVER leaves the house. Where were we supposed to get intimate, in his truck??? He didn’t even give it a chance. I told him that I do not make plans to have sex, that if it feels right, then it would happen. I never heard from him again. I am very lonely and want to have a companion, but I guess I need some help in figuring out the do’s and don’ts of dating. Thanks Ladies! Any suggestions would be very welcomed.

    Reply
    • mermaide100 wrote on :

      I think that wanting a companion is very different than wanting a relationship. maybe you could spend time figuring out why you are so lonely, and getting to know yourself. Only then will you know what you can offer to others, and maybe begin a relationship.

      Reply
  2. Cheryl Wilson wrote on :

    Seeing our health provider really did help our intimacy problem! Of course, she’s a woman and women get right to the heart of the issue, unlike many men who find the topic difficult. She told us that every man, no matter how many lie about it, has problems in this area at one time or another; however, men over 50 who have no other health problems, often find themselves impotent. That “little blue pill” was recommended but it gave my husband horrible gastric pain. He had to go through three different ED prescriptions before finding one that he could tolerate. It made all the difference! I would add that many men find this topic difficult to bring up with their doctors. Your man needs to see his doctor FIRST and then go from there. Offer to go with him if it would make this easier for him. There is so much that can be done about impotency these days and there is no way I would let him keep depriving himself (and me!) of one of life’s sweetest gifts.

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    • StyleGoesStrong41717 wrote on :

      I like your suggestion about going to his M.D. together — I’ll try my best to convince him. Thank you very much for your input. Very helpful.

      Reply
  3. CandidaRoyalle wrote on :

    I agree completely with DrGinger, she has really hit all the bases. I would remind you that none of us can “make” someone “feel satisfied”. He needs to be willing to communicate his needs, the reasons for his impotence (if he knows) and a desire to explore different possibilities with you, both in terms of his pleasure and yours. And as DrGinger points out, do not place yourself and your satisfaction behind his. Are you OK with not being penetrated? And if not, is he willing to learn to use his hands and fingers, and various sex toys that can fill that void? There are many reasons a man might lose his ability to have an erection and/or orgasm. Besides possible medical conditions or medications he may be taking, men also lose a certain level of sexual desire and potency just as women do, from the natural decline in testosterone that comes with age. He may also have a particular fantasy that he needs to get aroused but might be uncomfortable sharing with you. There’s so much fear of being judged or rejected for certain sexual needs or fantasies, many people simply resolve to keep their needs to themselves. So there are many questions this man needs to ask himself (if he hasn’t done so already) and to answer for you. You’re very kind to want to stick it out and help him. Many people would simply move on. He owes it to himself do a little bit of exploring, whether with a doctor or a sex therapist, and to you if he wants your blossoming relationship to move forward. Good luck!

    Reply
  4. DrGinger wrote on :

    Wow! What a lucky guy to be dating you! I love that you are understanding and concerned with satisfying him. I’m wondering when you say you are caressing him and “he does not get off”, is he having erections? or is it an ejaculation problem? Either way, there are several things I would like to recommend. First, communication is so important. Talk to him about what it means for him to be “intimate,” as well as expressing your own feelings about intimacy. The two of you can help each other by NOT making orgasm the goal, but enjoying each other’s bodies and the intimate exploration of what feels good. This will take some of the pressure off both of you to “perform”. Men are really prone to worrying about “performance,” so the more reassuring you can be, the better. There is a fine line, however; as you don’t want to completely focus on his needs at the expense of your own, which is something women often do. Be sure to communicate about what your desires are–there are great toys and other ways to get your needs met, so explore your options.
    Another recommendation is for him to explore with an understanding health provider what might be behind the problem, if he hasn’t done that already. Could there be a medication he is taking or a health issue that might be contributing to his problem? Not all doctors are comfortable with this discussion, so he may have to seek out the answers from someone willing to talk about sexual issues. He might also talk with a sex therapist about what is going on if it is causing him problems. A sex therapist will offer suggestions on techniques, give information, etc., in a “talking” kind of format–you are not touched or asked to undress. You can find a sex therapist at http://www.aasect.org.
    Remember that “satisfaction” does not have to equal orgasm. Discussing the issue is key, as there may be a different way to define satisfaction for the two of you. Be sure to nurture the other parts of the relationship, creating intimacy in other aspects of your relationship other than just sexual. Think about intimacy in terms of the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual (meaning connectedness, in whatever way you define it). The physical aspect is just a part of the equation, so enjoy getting to know each other intimately in so many other ways!

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