DrupalWomenQ-#8508

Whenever I go out to lunch or dinner with my group of girlfriends, they talk and gossip about others. It makes me uncomfortable. I feel that the competitiveness between the women gets in the way of friendships. How can I find real friendships?

9 Answers

  1. Cheryl Wilson wrote on :

    I’ve been where you are now and I opted out. These aren’t friends, they’re vipers who probably talk about you when you aren’t around. You cannot change them and it’s a waste of breath to even try. There are kind and generous souls like us out there. Try something new! Go to a gym, go climb an indoor rock wall! Have some fun! If you are a FOF lady, you can find real friends just about anywhere you wish. It may be a cliche these days but VOLUNTEER! The VFW always needs people. The Shriners, the Elks, your church, Meals on Wheels, any hospital or nursing home. Schools need readers for kids. I’d rather be alone in my home than with people who do not care one whit about me and are insensitive to others. There is enough cruelty in the world today without my sitting by and tacitly letting others continue a cruelty I want no part of. They are adult bullies and their meanness can be traced to that and that alone.

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  2. carolyn mirabella wrote on :

    Cathy
    there are ways of acknowledging what someone has said and yet neiter agree or disagree. i.e. saying that must be difficult for her/him to go through or that must be a tough time for them. And then bringing up a new topic can most often change the way the conversation is going such as how do you like the new store at the mall or what do you think we can do to help ?a local charity etcl. I hope, Cathy this is a help for you and may your Christmas and New Year be wonderful for you and your family

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    • cathych wrote on :

      Thanks for your post. Gotta open up to my buddies, and let them know how I feel.

      Reply
  3. Helen Kenney-Poore wrote on :

    I would start a conversation about how woman can be their own worst enemies and encourage your friends to be kinder towards their sisterhood! It’s hard enough being a woman without us sabotaging each other.

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  4. styleosophy wrote on :

    There is a difference between petty nastiness and just passing along the latest updates on a girlfriend. If they are gossiping, ask them if they talk about you like that you aren’t around. After all the mouths close, tell them how you really feel, that you care for your friendships you have with each one of them but prefer that they keep the competition to themselves. Real friendships survive arguments, indifference, misunderstandings and growing pains. It may be time to push the limits by giving your girls something to think about.

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    • cathych wrote on :

      Thanks for your response. I guess I have to open up to the friends I care about, even if it means offending them. Yikes, I am 47, and just starting to understand the meaning of “saying what you mean.”

      Reply
  5. cjgolden wrote on :

    I have found myself in similar situations and have – politely – said that the person being scorned by the others is a friend of mine and it hurts me to hear negative talk about her. That usually ends the discussions, but if it doesn’t and the conversations continue in this vein, perhaps it is time to not be with the entire gang of friends, but with just one at a time. In that manner you will have more ability to guide the conversation away from “trash talking” and find more positive discussions to pursue.

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  6. Karen Canning-Millar wrote on :

    If you could bring yourself to share your feelings with your group, or with even one of them… perhaps you would learn that someone feels the same as you and you may discover a true friend among your “friends”!! If it’s the nature of the women that you find objectionable… perhaps you have out grown your girlfriends and need to find women of substance to sustain your interest. If so, I’m a believer that like attracts like… being a real friend will bring you one. Let me know if I can help!

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    • cathych wrote on :

      You are right, I need to address the fact that there are a few friends that I care about, and it bugs me that they are bashing others. I guess, at the root of it, is “what do they say about me when I am not around?”

      Reply
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