I need a fix from you

Addiction=compulsion, dependence, obsession, craving, infatuation. No matter how you say it, Martha Stewart wouldn’t call it “a good thing” and neither would I.

We know about all the garden-variety addictions: Work, cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, shopping and food. But do you know it’s entirely possible to be addicted to a person?  Many of us turn to girlfriends, boyfriends or bosses who fill needs, much like drinking or smoking do. People can be as toxic to us as slugging down three martinis a night or inhaling one cigarette after another for years on end.

My neediness drew me to toxic people for decades. My friend, L, was beautiful, married to a rich man and connected to people in high places.  I couldn’t get enough of her. I wasn’t beautiful, my husband wasn’t a breadwinner and I was connection-less. But L was noxious to me since she thought only of herself 24/7.  She’d be two hours late to meetings we made, ask me to do her work and to run around doing chores for her.

I was addicted to Edgar.  He bought me clothes and jewelry. He was a sex machine. And he was a hugely successful businessman.  He gave me things I desperately needed, but he gave me something else: Misery.  He was a master liar, cheater and an alcoholic. Even if he hasn’t died of a stroke ten years ago (he was a stroke waiting to happen), I was weaning myself away from him. I would have been better off on painkillers than with him. As a matter of fact, I should have popped painkillers when I was with him.

People can give us intense highs and pitiful lows, having the same affect on us as cocaine and Camel cigs. Figuring out what it takes to stay away from the bad ones should be a requirement for all of us.

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