Peri (not her real name) has just spent the last two weeks leaving a man she’s been with for two and a half years. They shared a house together in the county and an apartment in the city. His pre-teen children spent every weekend with them. Their lives were intertwined, but she could no longer stand his verbal abuse, although she still loves him. Even the man’s own mother told Peri to head for the hills. “His mom told me he won’t change until he gets ‘serious help’,” Peri said.
A beautiful and successful woman, Peri left the man twice before, but believes this will be the last time. “I’m a happy, content person,” she told me, “but he would try to bring me down whenever he felt insecure.” His first wife took their kids and left him in the middle of the night when she had enough, Peri explained. “That destroyed him and he’s never gotten over it.” Peri is divorced and has no children.
Almost FOF, Peri didn’t want to wake up in her fifties and realize she wasted so many good years with a man like this. “So smart of you,” I said. “You deserve to have a man who adores you.”
Although Peri feels uneasy being single (“it’s not easy being alone after being with someone seven days a week”), she knows she has to start meeting someone new and took my suggestion to call a mutual friend, who could probably introduce her to lots of available men. In the meantime, she’s thinking of getting away to somewhere warm for a few days.
I think Peri will meet someone in 15 minutes, once she’s in the mood. Someone who deserves her.
6 Responses to “Finally taking leave”
eleanore wells says:
She might or might not meet someone. The stats aren’t in her favor, though being alone should not be worse than spending your life with someone who regularly disrespects and verbally abuses you. No way she’s a “happy and content person”.
The Spinsterlicious Life
I left a verbally abusive husband twelve years ago. It was rough (I wrestled with Catholic guilt and harsh censure from my family, who were sure that HE must have kicked ME out), but I’m much happier now, and even my children, who were predictably distressed by the split, now say they think they are better off with their parents not living together. All good so far, but I’ve never had another relationship since. I miss male company, but there’s never been so much as a faint whiff of interest. I’m active in community organizations, social interest/hobby groups, etc., plus I work full-time in a large office, so it’s not like I’m a hermit, but I must be even uglier or more unappealing than my ex-husband convinced me I was. It’s depressing to read things like “Peri will meet someone in 15 minutes.” No, that doesn’t always happen.
Kate Line Snider says:
Maybe you could suggest to Peri that she might consider some counseling for herself; you could suggest it as an aid to readjusting to the single life. (Note: This did not work with my 45-year old son who is actually MARRIED to an insecure and abusive person, but it’s worth a shot for Peri’s sake.)
Kate Line Snider says:
Okay, I’m not buying it. There is no way Peri is “happy and secure”. If this really is so, and if the man is so insecure and verbally abusive, how did SHE end up LIVING with HIM? How long did it take her to notice these flaws? I hope she knows now that grown men – an most people, in fact- are what they are by the time they reach adulthood; living with another person who is “happy and secure” will not change them.
(I am not even going to address the misguided presence of his children- that is another issue.)
I thought the sane thing about Peri’s happiness, but I was just reporting what she told me.
Heather Chapple says:
Perhaps some time to herself first…to feel easy single will help her find the right partner.