I wonder if nasty people know they’re nasty, or if they think they’re perfectly agreeable and good. Maybe they know they’re nasty, but don’t much care. I’d put nasty clown Donald Trump in that category.
I’m not talking about occasionally nasty people (I surely fit in that category). I’m talking full on nasty, 24/7. People who can’t utter a sentence without it sounding like they’re trying to put you on the defensive. People whose faces are perpetually scrunched into scowls, the corner of their mouths turned downward, their slitty eyes menacingly staring at you. These people are usually controlling and paranoid, too, a lovely combination that makes you want to scream.
If I put on my amateur psychiatrist hat, I think nasty people are all unhappy people, but not all unhappy people are nasty. I know a man (I’ll call him Robert) who ranks right up there in the ranks of nasties. Even after he had a major heart attack, he told someone I know that it “didn’t change him a bit.” If it wasn’t so pitiful, I’d laugh. Someone else I know, who is unhappy about being unemployed and can barely make ends meet, doesn’t have a nasty bone in her body.
The most effective way to deal with nasty people is to avoid them. If that’s not possible (let’s say you have to work with them), it’s wise to smile, kill them with kindness and not let them bother you, hard as it may be.
Nasty people usually get their comeuppance somewhere along the way. But remember, that even if that doesn’t seem to be the case outwardly, chances are they’re suffering inwardly much of the time. It doesn’t make you like them a tad more, but it makes it a lot easier to suffer them!
0 Responses to “Let’s Give Nasty People Their Own Country (somewhere far, far away)”
Mick says:
Nasty people suck the life out of all gracious humanity. The last thing to be done is to validate, encourage or excuse incivility. An incredulous stare, abject icy silence, and an abrupt turn to walk away or walk out on the offender goes a long way. Never reward bad behavior because it will inevitably reap further bad behavior.
The more opportunities the nasty is shut out of, the less sucess and validation. Enlist the assistance of others – bosses, co-workers, family members, friends, & refuse all overtures until the behaviors cease. Alternatively, cut the offender from the herd: there are other people looking for jobs, & one less invitation to your party can be a huge incentive for the remainder of the civil guests. Transfers, resignations, closing doors, exclusion from committees & social events, revoking decision making participation, & in extreme cases, lawsuits ((divorce!) are still effective methods of dealing with unpleasant people. Don’t allow yourself to be a doormat.
jennifer t. schultz says:
I have encountered that many people who are nasty 24/7; not just occasionally usually are very unhappy. Many of them say nasty things to someone else just to make themselves feel stronger. That is very true with someone who is in a domestic abuse relationship. If the man is the abuser(there are women who abuse which I will mention in a moment)he may not even raise his hand to his partner, wife or significant other which can be just as devastating to the partner.
Women can be abusive; to their children and to their spouse. I hate to say this but women are many times weaker physically than the man. The women may not have time to stay in shape especially if she has had children. We see abusive relationships starting earlier in junior high and even middle school. There is also a new type of abuse by men to women called reproductive abuse. The man may sabotage birth control pills, they may even attempt to “pull out IUDs” with their fist inside the women. I encountered that in the operating room; the man went to jail for 10 yrs; needless to say the women could never have children. If the man puts holes in the condoms and she becomes pregnant he may throw her down the stairs to attempt to end the pregnancy because he is jealous. I bring this up only because many men who are always nasty end up being nasty at home. The old adage, he gets p.o’d at work , goes home, kicks the dog, hits the kids or the wife.
Also, there has been an increase here in the city of buffalo of horrid animal abuse. A dog was set on fire last wk, a pit bull was dragged on the back of a car with a rope. Wild dolphins in the gulf are being savagedly killed for no reason. Those people definitely will go on to hurt, maim or kill people.
Also, nasty people many think of “the donald ” or allen west, bill o’reilly or sean hannity. In the workplace, many times women who are bosses often overcompensate when dealing with female employees. They may “eat their young ” so to speak. This occurs quite frequently with nurses. Nurses who train other new graduates often treat them with spite, short tempers, and expect them to be ready to be on their own in five wks. Since nurses are leaving by droves in the profession; along with the average age in the country of a nurse being around 55 to 60 this leaves the nurses training graduate nurses short on help. Then the hospital gives such a very short time of preceptor training for the new graduate; sometimes giving the graduate nurse only six wks to be ready to be on her own. Plus, the RN who is doing the training will probably not get any increase in her salary or any incentive to continue to “precept” other graduate nurses. I dont believe nurses need an incentive every single time; I precepted right out of my operating room course in 10 wks. I precepted according to the rule, “see one, do one, teach one” I didnt even really care about money, perhaps at least a thank you from administration would have sufficed me just fine at least once in a while.
Continual training also can burn out a nurse as well. I worked in the operating room both as a scrub nurse and a circulating nurse. I have a BSN as well and didnt receive extra money for the degree.
I worked in surgery for 18 yrs until I finally had to file for SSD due to being hit while I was crossing the street as a pedestrian. I had over 24 surgeries. I also noticed in grocery stores, on the street passing each other, or just getting your mail in your apt building; people never just say high how is your day or happy thanksgiving. Look at what has happened to the meaning of thanksgiving; how early stores will be open on thurs, and then fri. when i grew up (almost sixty now)STORES WERE ALWASY CLOSED ON THANKSGIVING ALWAYS. Workers dont get off for the holiday or they have to come in at 8 at night. that is wrong. Thanksgiving, christmas and easter should alwasy have the stores closed.
I realize that there are different topics listed in here but many of them actually wrap around some of these issues. People with depression, anxiety, or those who are caretakers for elderly parents(99% of those are WOMEN NOT MEN OR SONS)and then there are those parents who are elderly and still driving because they have no children or their children just dont care. I believe these people perhaps shouldnt live on another planet. sometimes many of them just need a friendly ear, or are short tempered due to a living situation or some other crisis.
Of course, there are people who are not just nasty but are NASTY AND EVIL. They will beat a topic like an old dead horse. that is the donald, sheriff ahriap in arizona with the whole birth certificate nonsense and those wanting to secede from the union. sorry i ran on and on but many issues can crowd this negativity and depress others. I try to watch a lot of animal web cams with my sister, one is in sandiegozoo.org(might be net). There is a panda who is 109 days old and he is soooooooooooooo cute. explore.org has a litter of great danes (used for MS patients becasue they are so tall they can help a person who is having an MS crisis and help them so the person can lean against them. Her name is chaos . she just had 8 puppies. in ipswich , maine. the litter before that was a golden retriever who had dogs for a program called dog bless you. she had 6 puppies. they are going to be used for wounded warriors program for PTSD for the soldiers. These sites lift my sisters and my spirits up sooooooo much. We try to stay away from negative people even though we both have PTSD as well. We watch funny movies and read the funnnies here in buffalo especially GET FUZZY. oh and another site we visit in the spring is in minnesota is a black bear site with the mom having bears in the spring. great site also. but sandiegozoo.org is great, elephants, just had a new female, a yr old male who is already 1,000 pounds. then the panda, oh the baby condor just left the nest satacoy. the panda has been names. isnt named till 100 days. for whoever loves to watch animal cams these are great. oh , and one of the first ones i have ever seen of lions. in seattle zoo, first lions born in TWENTY YEARS THERE. the camera for the cam is on the ceiling and you can see everything. she had FOUR CUBS. they are soooooooo cute as well. cant think of any other sites right now but on explore.org in the spring also, they have puffins born on maine i believe but usually she only has one, hers died this yr. but they have osprey in the spring as well.
oh , there is a cam in iowa with bald eagles, that is a great website. cant remember the name of the place. the females name is decorah. not sure what the place is. she has a great nest. over one and half ton nest. it is wonderful. her nest is right by a stream for the fish. the babies are so great in the spring. also, falcon nests abound all over the internet. these are great sites for someone coming home having a bad day at work, it will make you tear up how tender these moms are with such big claws, and razor sharp talons, and huge teeth but how tender they are to the babies, knowing how delicate that baby is. the panda in san diego just had her sixth cub. her first girl when she grew up had TWINS. her lineage is quite extensive. so see, i saved the best of my long winded rant for the last. CHECK THESE GREAT WEBCAMS OUT. THEY ARE TERRIFIC. thanks for listening or reading actually.
Geri says:
Happy Thanksgiving, Jennifer, to you and your sister. I appreciate how much time you spent writing your wonderfully detailed comments. I read every word and agree with it all. I also went to sandiegozoo.org and intend to watch the videos. I especially loved learning how Great Danes help to steady MS patients.
Fondly,
Geri
Margee says:
I totally agree with you Geri, and previous poster Toby hit the nail right on the head. I’ve witnessed the same type of nastiness in the workplace and so have a lot of my friends. It’s so disgusting that women continue to suffer harassment in this day and age. So little respect after all we’ve accomplished. I agree that the best way to eliminate nastiness is to nip it in the bud, whether it’s a child or an adult. I say we all “bark” back at them and see how they like it.
Geri says:
hi margee,
i wish i had “barked back” on a few occasions.
Geri
Toby Wollin says:
Geri- My experience with nasty people is in business and my interpretation has always been (and perhaps I am wrong) that somewhere along the way, these folks learned an unfortunate (and incorrect) lesson: That nastiness = getting what you want. Nastiness=power over other people. And worse, the 180-degree out of nastiness – that is, being nice is weak, ineffective, and playing the part of the victim. And I have watched people who are nice (and 99% of time those people are women) who get beaten up, harassed, victimized and ground into the dirt by nasty people (who are 99% men) precisely under those circumstances. I’ve always felt that if the very first time a person behaved in a nasty way, that they were pulled up short and did not succeed with this behavior, that they wouldn’t get into the habit; unfortunately, what usually happens to them is that others are so taken aback by nasty behavior that they get their way, the behavior is reinforced by the success and off they go on a career of nastiness.
Geri says:
hi toby,
nice to hear from you. as usual, insightful Toby comments. happy t-day to you and yours.
Love,
Geri
Connie HUrst says:
I love this, and how very true, it unfortunately really is.
Geri says:
glad you liked the post, Connie. Agree with you that it really is unfortunate.
moi says:
“chances are they’re suffering inwardly much of the time”
… because they live in their own skins with their hatefulness.
If you don’t have love, you can’t give love, and you can’t receive love.