Ouch, that hurts!

My mother was not a believer in the adage “forgive and forget.” If she felt a friend slighted her, she stopped talking to her. Forever. One of her best friends, Lillian, did not tell mom that she had learned to drive (this was in the 1960s, when most mothers didn’t drive), so Lillian was kaput.

Rose, another friend, also joined mom’s persona non grata list when she didn’t reveal that her son was seeing a therapist (people who saw therapists in the sixties were considered crazy.)

Whatever reasons Lillian and Rose had, mom decided they weren’t good enough. She was hurt that one best friend didn’t confide in her and the other hid something from her.  Mom had the uncanny ability to make believe her former friends didn’t exist…in an instant.

It’s no fun to feel hurt, but while good people rarely hurt each other intentionally, hurt happens.  If we love the person who hurt us, or she plays an important role in our life, I think we should tell her how we feel and discuss it. If the hurter is an acquaintance, why waste time feeling hurt? Just move on.

It may be hard to move on if a hurt causes pain, anguish and some kind of injury—economic, for example.  If Bernie Madoff stole most of my retirement income, for example, I’m not sure how quickly I could brush that off.  If I discovered that my best friend didn’t trust me, I’d be shaken for a long time.

I have a friend whose mother stood by while her stepfather emotionally abused her. My friend has forgiven her mother, but she refuses to let her stepfather back into her life, even if it means losing her mother in the end.

I do not blame her one iota.

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8 Responses to “Ouch, that hurts!”

  1. TuKute says:

    I believe that parents are to teach us how to be great adults. Sometimes we have to learn from their actions or views that we don’t find so becoming. You seem to love her unconditionally. I think you have learned the lessons she has taught you very well and is proud of the woman you have become.

  2. Geri says:

    Hi Fran,

    I shudder to think about the “toxic” people I’ve let into my life. I, too, would like to keep the list where it is. Great comments.


  3. Fran Tornabene says:

    Grudges are unfortunate; but the reasons for holding a grudge are as varied as the number of people holding them. My mother also could erase people. I wonder if, at the end of her life, she reviewed some of those erasures and how she felt about them. I do have a handful of people that I avoid, and three that I could say I’ve erased from my life. I don’t believe that I will change my mind about those three, they were toxic and cruel. I would like to think that I won’t add to that list.

    • donna says:

      sounds like you live in the same house as i did

  4. Maureen@IslandRoar says:

    Wow. Yes, some things require us to remove people from our lives for our own emotional well being. But for simple grudges, life is too short. My mother could hold a grudge for weeks. It drove me nuts as a kid. As a result, I can barely maintain one for hours. That’s a good thing.

  5. Preppy 101 says:

    Well, let me restate that. I am a Fab at Sixty. My two glasses of wine tonight hindered my clarity. 🙂

    • Geri says:

      Hi Preppy,

      LOL and THANK YOU. I appreciate every one of your wonderful comments.


  6. Preppy 101 says:

    Again I agree with you.
    It is so devastating to lose a friend. I lost one years ago and have still not figured out what happened. But I finally attached her to a helium balloon and let it go.

    Thanks for your daily posts. I appreciate every one of them. I am a Fab over Sixty!! 😉


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