Finding and Keeping Love… At Any Age

Here, Cynthia gives FabOverFifty a sampling of her sensible advice.

By Cynthia Spillman

My personal experience, and those of my clients whom I coach on the subject of dating, confirm that happiness is an inside job. You can’t possibly begin to think about attracting the right romantic partner until you feel good about yourself. I advise clients that before they venture out into the relationship jungle, they have to undertake the “inner” work. Once they’ve accomplished that, the magic begins! If the oxygen masks drop down from the overhead compartments during a flight, you’re supposed to put on your own mask before you can  be any good to anyone else. The same principle applies to the search for love!

Love and sexiness don’t have expiration dates

You might fear that your relationship number is up when you’re over 50, that you’re no longer desirable. Your emotions might even be burned out from repeated disappointments. But there’s nothing more unsexy and off putting to a potential life partner than a mature woman who appears desperate and insecure. Self assurance is sexy.

The prescription

So, make the first step in the journey towards joyful togetherness by taking out  “self-care contract”! Start by doing three new things that you’d enjoy, every single day–just because! Conflicting demands, guilt about feeling self-indulgent, and inability to prioritize can all be stumbling blocks. But, being good to yourself needn’t be expensive or time consuming. Taking a bubble bath, writing in a journal, or simply chatting with a trusted friend, can be a tonic and pick me up. If you diligently do this inner homework, you’ll soon reconnect to your Va Va Voom, and your confidence will grow by leaps and bounds, making you a much more attractive proposition to a potential partner.

Now, get out there

Socializing as a single, mature woman can feel daunting. Before you can even think about getting out there, however, you’ve got to ignore your inner negative chatterbox, which is conjuring up countless reasons why you shouldn’t. There isn’t a single downside to venturing out on your own, as long as you take precautionary measures for your personal safety. What do you enjoy doing? Could you find a club or association to join? What about trying that sport you’ve been thinking about for years? The more interests you develop, the better you’ll feel–and presto–the more alluring you’ll become to a prospective partner. Your conversation will become more engaging and animated, and while you’re connecting with the other person through a shared interest, you may discover a unique aspect of his character. The pressure of finding “The One” decreases,  you relax, and  you’ll begin to have fun.

Six smart steps to successful socializing

Follow these six positive attitudes and actions if you’re thinking about starting a new relationship:

1. Take a walk on the wild side and propel yourself into unknown situations. Variety is indeed the spice of life.

2. Remember that confidence is an incredibly sexy quality.

3. Expand your network, which will help you make new friends.

4. Always maintain your perspective, and your sense of humor.

5. Keep an open mind.

6. Lighten up and be good to yourself.

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