What’s Up With You and Your ‘Adult Kids’?

Do you live across the continent from your grown kids, but see them more frequently than a woman you know whose children live blocks away?   Does your sister get emotional support from her daughter, while your son wouldn’t even know you died as long as someone kept texting him from your phone? Was the last trip you took with your son when he was 15, or do you vacation with your son and daughter-in-law at least once a year?

Our relationships with our adult kids can range from joyful and easy to heartbreaking and downright complicated, or somewhere inbetween. We’ve met parents we always thought were perfect who are now rebuffed by their grown children, and parents who constantly criticized their kids when they were little, but are now welcomed with open arms by their adult kids.

Interestingly, 56 percent of you admitted that you’re closer with one (or more) of your children than with the others; 44 percent have sons and daughters who don’t worry about your health and well being, but 78 percent of you have offspring who confide in you.

Are you perfectly content with your relationship with your grown kids, or do you yearn to change it? Take a look at how 164 members of the FabOverFifty community interact with their children and see how you fit in.

Stop and Smell the…

                 oxo
                   Geri 
“Patchouli oil; the smell of the hippies in Het Vondelpark in Amsterdam when I was sitting there with them secretly skipping my school lessons as a 15-year-old girl (46 years ago now).
Miriam Brink
“Jean Naté (mom), geraniums and a cupboard full of soaps and bath towels (grandma), fresh cut lawn (dad)!❤️🎉
Patti Wyckoff Warren
 
  “Old Spice, my dad. The smell of onions and celery cooking reminds me of my mom’s cooking for Christmas dinner. 😢
Shannon Rarig
 
A tarot reader told me my deceased mother was handing me red roses and gave me their name Passing Clouds. I knew nothing about roses, so I planted a  bare rooted stick. In the spring it grew leaves, then buds. When they finally opened, I instantly recognized the perfume from my childhood family garden!
Linda Sutherland
 
Jergens face cream! Every time I open the bottle it  brings me loving beautiful memories of my mom and tears of how much I miss her! But I know she is happy with my daddy in heaven & in no more pain ❤️.
Jose-Inez Tejada Martinez
 
Honeysuckle in my grandparents’ yard…summertime, by the ocean. Ahhhh.
Susan Flynn
 
 “Cigar. Reminds me of my grandpa.”
Carol Fede
 
 The smell of patent leather shoes!! My mom would buy my sister and me the real patent leather shoes that you could polish with this black polish, especially for patent leather.
Joyce Calderon Larson
 
Orange blossoms when my hubby and I were dating. We would ride his Harley through the orange groves.
Kathy Williams
 
“Dirt, reminds me of going to a cellar during storms.
Penny Acker
“My grandmother’s lightly burnt toast and lilacs.
Terry McCrossan
 
My grandfather’s pipe which had a sweet cherry odor. Salt water from the front porch of my grandparents’ home in Massachusetts.. Shoe polish, baking cupcakes. I have so many. They always bring a tear and a smile.
June Brown
“A specific coffee. When I smell it I get transported to my Oma’s kitchen in Germany. I don’t know the name of the coffee.
Nanette Miche-Schwartzmeyer
Vicks VapoRub when I was sick! Still love that smell!
Laura Gouvion
Lifebuoy, the soap my father always bought and used since the Canadians brought it with them when they came to liberate the Netherlands in World War II.
Miriam Brink
“Coppertone! Instant teenage beach memories.
Candace Naylor Swenson Laska

FOF Survey: What’s Up With You and Your “Adult Kids”?

Time Out

                 oxo
                   Geri 
“FB and YouTube.”
Anna Chenault
 
  “Reading, reading and there’s always reading.
Susan Bailey Chakerian
 
“Snuggling in bed in my jammies all day!”
Gail Ferraro
 
“Word games to stimulate the brain!”
Vicky Peters
 
“Watching TV.
Alyce Anderson Sneed
 
 “Word games and working out at the gym with my husband.”
Catrina Harding
 
 “Facebook. In the summer being out on the deck.”
Tom Kelly
 
“Sex.
Suzanne Dwyer
 
“Watching Netflix in my PJs.
DeeAynn Durbin
“Playing in my garden.
Teresa Boyd
 
“Reading in the tub. Hardly time wasted.
Caitlin Hecsh
“Walking at the beach!
Cindy Larson
“Cooking.
Sue Taylor
At 63, I love to have coffee and vape each morning. And yes, my center chest does hurt.
Carol Ann Ricker

Building and Owning Your Personal Brand TWIST

by Julie Cottineau

                         Photo: Pete Souza

We often think of celebrities as having unique styles with “signature looks”:  Anna Wintour, artistic director of Vogue, with her perfectly styled hair; Michelle Obama, exuding confidence, while showing off her killer biceps in feminine dresses;  Sarah Jessica Parker channeling Carrie Bradshaw from Sex in the City with Manolo Blahnik heels; Tyra Banks, strutting her fierce catwalk and flashing her trademark “Smize” (smiling with her eyes).  You might even have a girlfriend you admire for here consistent and unique look.

These women aren’t playing dress up; they’re crafting and communicating their personal brands.

What’s a “personal brand” anyway,  and do you really need one?

Just like the branding for products and services that helps us identify and choose our favorite running shoes, coffee, perfume or mobile phone provider, Personal Branding can make individuals stand out from the crowd. And it’s not only for celebrities.

Having a strong personal brand can help you stand out in the competitive job market and nail a dream job, or get noticed at work and get a well-deserved promotion or raise. It also can help people remember you and think of you first for exciting volunteer opportunities. Projecting a strong personal brand means you’re clear about your personal TWIST – your point of uniqueness. Feeling comfortable in your personal brand also can give you a great boost of confidence.

Close your eyes and think of Beyonce, legs astride, long hair blowing behind her, ready to take on the world. Interestingly,  Beyonce has shared that she doesn’t always feel as confident as she looks. When she walks on stage in front of large crowds, in fact,  she often channels a personal brand avatar (or double) she’s created, named Sasha Fierce. If Beyonce needs a strategy to feel more comfortable in her personal brand, why shouldn’t the rest of us consider doing it,  too?

What, Me Worry?

                 oxo
                   Geri 
  “The lack of Love and Compassion for each other in this World.
Lupe Olivares
 
“How man is slowly destroying this planet 🌎.
Andrea Bledsoe
 
“The fact that there are few to no unbiased and fact-based news sources in the USA.”
Bonnie Bell
 
“Trump in the White House.
Jackie Clark
 
 “ALWAYS……. homeless animals 😿.
Susan Farley
 
 “My kids leaving my nest! 😭
Heidi Thompson
 
“How social media is making everyone extra nasty.
Kelly Logsdon
 
“My husband’s health.
Brenda Wesche Norton
 
“Teenage daughter.”
Lori Trick
 
My elderly parents in an overburdened health care system…. they are at their mercy with not enough aides to assist them.
Joan Kronlund
 
Company downsizing… several. I have built up $ and started life over…repeatedly…drained my security and retirement in between. Retirement isn’t until 67, but experienced level jobs that pay high enough for health insurance and living aren’t targeting 50+ for hiring.
Sherri Springfield
Slow small business. How will I survive? Too many people shop online!
Anita Johnson
I am a mess–the question should be, what doesn’t worry me??
Chris Anderson-Montgomery
“Money… my whole life money. 🤨
Sharon Smith Seewalt
“Global warming!
Amy Murphy
My teeth. I want a big beautiful smile!
Randy Pittsinger
“Gaining weight.
Fran Estrada
“Dying.
Margie Smith
 “Don’t worry….be happy!
Sandra Robbins Lightfoot

Eye Roll, Please!

                    oxo,
                       Geri
‘I don’t need sunscreen.  I’m not in the sun.
Katrina Peacock
 
‘I need a break.’ Drives me nuts to hear that from young parents.
Penny Acker
 
 “What’s for dinner? 😂😜”
Kimberly Fay Bregitzer Ondick
 
Guns don’t kill people. People kill people.
Leesa Wimmer
 
” ‘Age is just a number.’ Puhlease! My 62 is never gonna be a 26.
Debbie Summers
 
” ’Xmas’ instead of ‘Christmas.’
Julie Crawford
“The misuse of I, when it should be me…….VERY COMMON and people do it all the time. 😂 ‘Here is a picture of Joe and I.
Helen Hughes Connolly
 
“People bragging about their kids, and when they say ‘my child would never do that.’
Laureen Cobuccio
You look good for your age 😂.
Mimi Garcia
‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. God doesn’t give you more than you can bear.’ Hate when someone flippantly says this when they seriously have no clue what you’re going through.
Vicky Davis
‘I’m not prejudiced but…’ or  I’m not a racist but…’
Deb Wilson
‘Money’s not everything!’  Ha, try living without it.
Debbie Ross Hunnicutt
 ‘I love you to the moon and back.’ I hate that!
Ann Parker Davies
 
Make America Great Again.
Linda Parker Villone

What to Wear for the Holidays

 

Dear Style Dr.,

“I spend hours cooking a holiday dinner every year for my extended family of 15. When I’m finished after a long day in the kitchen I really don’t feel like getting out of my jeans and tee shirt.  How can I look good, but still feel comfortable?”

Best,

Anna

 

Dear Anna,

Top row: Anthropologie velvet joggers and J. Crew embroidered sweatshirt; second and third rows: Birdies slippers and House of Terrance earrings; fourth row: Karen Scott velour sweatshirt and Macy’s embellished sweater; bottom row: My Bali Closet kaftan and Sybils Casual Elegance multi-colored kaftan

I love your question because I, like you, face this same style issue every year. After a long day in the kitchen (mine can start at 5 am!) the last thing I feel like doing is dressing up in a tricky and/or uncomfortable outfit. I still I want to look my best, however, and have room at the waist for the scrumptious meal that I’ve been preparing all day!

The athleisure wear trend is truly your friend this holiday season! Don’t let that word scare you, I’m not talking about yoga pants or workout leggings and tops, but about updated casuals. I mean luxurious and well-cut unstructured pants, sweatpants, sweatshirts, sweaters and T-shirts that are super comfy and washable (important for serving and cleaning up after food-intensive celebrations!)  

Don’t think these clothing choices are sloppy, too youthful or just not special enough. Now that dressing has become more casual, many pieces are done tastefully in different fabrications, cuts, and colors.  This fall we’re seeing a resurgence of beautiful shades of wine and burgundy, and a continued interest in pinks and purples.

You can really spice up your your comfortable and stylish outfit with some sparkly, dangling earrings which are on-trend, easy to wear and won’t get in the way of serving like a necklace might. Even better if they’re in holiday colors. And don’t forget your footwear. Consider a stylishly updated mule loafer which pairs beautifully with soft. non-structured pants. It’s the perfect comfort shoe.

For those of you who still want to wear something dressier, like an actual dress, why not consider a casual update on the caftan? Unstructured, ultra comfortable and available in pretty prints and colors, it’s easy to throw on but gives you a glam air.

Have a lovely holiday. I know you’ll look fabulous!

Email terry@houseofterrance.com with your style issue and stay tuned for her smart solution in her new column, Ask The Style Dr.

 

Hell to Pay

                    oxo
                       Geri
 “Air for my tires.
Sylvia Wilson
 
“Able people who refuse to work, and keep having more kids.”
Cindy Corbin Fisher
 
“Paying for cable channels I NEVER watch.”
Claudia Burnette
 
“Trump and his golf outings!
Suzanne Burker MacLean
 
 “Showing my 401K withdrawals as income. We pay taxes on it twice. Once when we take it out & then as income to pay taxes again.”
Marilyn Coulter Dilley
 
 Parking at hospitals and doctors’ offices.
Jerri Ann Carnefix
 
School taxes after never having kids! After a certain age, you shouldn’t have to pay school taxes at least!!
Mary Ann Kallis
 
“Taxes! When these rich corporations don’t pay their fair share!
Nora Dauser
 
“Car insurance. Pay monthly for 30+ years. Said I would save $70 a month if I took off full coverage. Was only $30. And the premiums still keep going up. And I’ve never had a claim.”
Pam Freeman-Koss
 
“People who work for our government and do absolutely nothing worthwhile!!!!
Rebecca Vert
 “All the necessary health-related upkeep, like blood work, dental, eye check-ups, because you not only pay with money, you pay with TIME in the waiting room. I resent wasting time more than anything.
Maryanne Christiano-Mistretta
“Toilet paper and feminine hygiene stuff.
Peggy Hamilton
“Specs….eyesight is an essential and necessary part of most of our lives. My varifocals cost me over £300 every two years.
Denise Olivia Taylor
“Interest. Look at the amortization schedule for the payments on your home. Credit cards are just as bad.
Kathleen Lockhart Gordon Neal
“My luggage at the airport!
Debbie Weeks
“Salsa for my burrito.
LaDonna Stephens
“Two very overrated overpriced mattresses!
Susan M Moore
“I agree with all of the important things on here but I’m adding “trash bags” to the list…I’m buying them to just throw them away!
Margie Smith

Thanks, But No Thanks!

Hard to believe Thanksgiving is right around the corner.  The kids are coming home from college. Aunt Sally and Uncle Bob, your favorite relatives, are flying in from Wisconsin. You can’t wait to see cousin Mona’s new baby girl. OK, that’s the good news.  Tell us your biggest pet peeve at Thanksgiving, so we know you’re only human!   

                    oxo
                       Geri
 “Cooking for 5 to 6 hours only to watch the meal be done in a half hour and faced with all that clean up. Ugh.
Michelle Fitzpatrick
 
“Kids who take lots of food only to throw it away!!”
Karla Juelfs Meier
 
I don’t have a peeve. I love THANKSGIVING, love the cooking, having family and friends, the chattering of everyone talking. The children laughing. I don’t even mind cleaning up the mess.
Catherine Greer
 
When my stuffing doesn’t come out like my mom’s. Which is every year.
Sharon Ritton-Holly
 
 A table full of food and grandkids who won’t eat anything but mac and cheese.
Sandy Frizielle-Andritsis
 
 Feeling guilty when so many others are struggling.
Liz Dobiesz
 
People who eat and run–no, please don’t do that!
Mona Mason Rhoads
 
People who don’t show up on time.
Elaine Wood Otting
 
Everyone in the kitchen when I’m trying to get food out of the oven and the buffet set up.
Lynn Harpenau-meyer
 
That one family member everyone has…😏.
Pam Williams
 Sweet potato casserole with marshmallows.
Jen Bangerter
That I can never host it and we are always the ones to travel!
Sharon Shepperd-Wolfson
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It is about the bounty of earth and family. My pet peeve is that marketing has done its best to turn it into a crazy sales binge fiasco.
William Garner
Gaining weight.
Karin Cooper
“My family😂😂.
Marianna Wright