DrupalWomenQ-#8275

I am 50 and have an incredible desire to find a man who will love me, laugh with me, shop with me, and do all the things that a couple over 50 do together; however I have a problem with men wanting nothing but sex all the time. I feel like every man I meet just wants a pin cushion.

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32 Answers

  1. StyleGoesStrong42719 wrote on :

    Oh, my goodness, Sister. You may want to explore your sexuality a bit more as sex over 50 is the best ever. Perhaps you did not have very attentive partners in the past or you do not feel quite free enough to explore your own amazing body. This is the time that you can really enjoy sex. Men tend to be a bit more attentive and willing to try new things as well as being receptive to what you tell them feels good. You have more time to explore since there generally are not small children in other rooms (there might be big children still in other rooms as in my case but this is one time you hope they are out and they can take the car!) and the best part of all….no worries about having your period or pregnancy. All these factors can lead to some unbelievable orgasms and a great relationship as it draws your closer to each other. Let your hair down and go for it girl! Do not hesitate to haul out the sex toys and communicate your needs and desires. You will both be very pleasantly surprised.

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    • Corinne Garrett wrote on :

      I agree with Stylegoesstrong. In the first place, why do you “need” a man (for sex) as long as you have batteries? Get out there and participate in the activities you enjoy, volunteer for charity, and entertain yourself. When you are comfortable and happy with yourself, then someone worthwhile will notice when you least expect it and step up with more than just sex on his mind. You can’t force good Karma, but you can ‘pay it forward’ and expect great results. Good luck!!

      Reply
    • Patricia Jones wrote on :

      You know what, your reply and the one from StyleGoesStrong are the best advice tips I have received on this topic. Thank you both sooo very much for your advice.

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  2. PAT HAYDEN wrote on :

    DON”T I REPEAT DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH THEM . OLDER MEN WILL WAIT IF YOU LET THEM KNOW YOU CARE OTHERWAYS (NOT SEXUAL)

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  3. DrGinger wrote on :

    Mamacita,
    It’s so important to us as 50-something women to have satisfying relationships. I’m not sure what kind of men you are meeting, or where you are meeting them, but it makes sense that when you find someone who meets your desire to be loved, then sex may be more of a priority. Until you meet someone that you might be interested in the “whole package,” I like Candida Royalle’s advise–to be true to yourself. Be sure and nurture the sensuous part of yourself…sensuous meaning enjoy your sensual experiences…take long baths, wrap yourself in wonderful fabrics, use scents to please your sense of smell, eat a decadent chocolate now and then in order to keep the sensual part of yourself alive and well. Remember that you never have to do anything you don’t want to do, but when you have that connection with someone special, you may find yourself wanting to take it to another level. In the meantime, enjoy the relationships you DO have, go shopping and have lunch with the girls and nurture those connections. Be sure and communicate your feelings to any man you do date, being honest with them about what you want from the relationship. This will weed out the undesirable advances, but remember that most relationships do progress to an intimate level at some point. If intimacy is a problem, be sure to get a little extra help from a good counselor or therapist. Good luck!

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  4. Elise Johnston wrote on :

    Oh, and don’t ever say shop with me unless you are anxious to go hunting with him, watch endless football games and sports events, cook and clean up after him, his friends and fraternity brothers…

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    • Patricia Jones wrote on :

      Elise, no disrespect intended, but are you stupid or what? Some men really do enjoy shopping with their partners, and YES, I am willing to go hunting, fishing, and watch football. FRATERNITY BROTHERS????? NO ma’am, I am 50, not in college.

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    • Elise Johnston wrote on :

      @Mamacita: If you paid attention, you’d have a partner. Men and women like different things. If you want to go shopping with “him”, then why aren’t you practicing at the gun range, memorizing NFL stats and learning to fly fish? Frat brothers are for life (which you’d know if you were friends with men). I’ve been married two decades. No hunting, no fishing, no football, no shopping unless it’s for clothes for him. Men don’t need to shop with you. If they want to buy you clothes, there’s Amazon.com or they can hoof it to the boutique that you adore. No disrespect intended, but you don’t have what you want most. And, you could use a male friend to teach you what men like.

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    • Patricia Jones wrote on :

      Elise if you don’t have any constructive advice for me, then please leave me alone and save your insults for someone else.

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    • Patricia Jones wrote on :

      What makes you think I don’t know how to fly fish, or shoot a gun? As for you not wanting to do those things with your husband, that’s a problem for the two of you to deal with. You don’t even know my situation so how can you say the things you say? And as for the shopping, I NEVER mentioned a boutique. I am definitely NOT a shopper; however I do enjoy going to Lowes, Home Depot, Sporting good stores, etc, and if my memory serves me correctly, MEN DO LIKE TO SHOP at those places. I know what men like, so shut the front door.

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  5. Elise Johnston wrote on :

    What message are you sending to men? Find one who just wants a “pin cushion” and ask him why (does he just want sex, is he that shallow). Then ask him if he knows men of good character that might want a female friend. Join a local museum. The museums have mixers. Befriend a couple and get to know their friends. Meanwhile, do yoga, workout and dress well.

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  6. Stresslessdiva wrote on :

    Hi, Mamacita — You know, there are many variations on the old joke about how many things a woman thinks of during the day and how a man usually thinks of only one or two things — sex and sports. It’s true, we are wired differently in general and that’s probably part of what makes the world go round. I have found that if we take a little time, we can usually figure out how a guy ticks, whereas most men are at a loss trying to figure us out — therefore, we can take the upper hand. We know what we want and we know what they want. Most men don’t want sex all the time (and if they do, they probably have a problem), however they do want to know that sex is part of the equation. If we flirt and let them know that it will be PART of the relationship, they are usually happy to please us (If you are not interested in any sex, there are men out there whose libidos have tanked, too. Unfortunately, that usually means they aren’t taking very good care of themselves.). Men like to know that they are appreciated and they often love to do things that make us happy. On the other hand, if they think they are going to have to “fight” for some fun in the bedroom, they’ll adopt an attitude of seeming like they want sex all the time in hopes of getting it “sometime”. You know how we start to think we really want something if we think it’s going to be scarce?
    I would take some time to honestly figure out what you really want and right it down, every detail. When we are clear things fall into place better.
    Just one more thing — I would not count on getting everything from this wonderful man. Girlfriends are probably the better choice for shopping sprees and some other activities. Then, when you get together with your fabulous guy, you’ll be happy to have spent time with your friends and he won’t feel like he has to be responsible for all your time and entertainment — win/win!
    You look like a really lovely woman from your picture. Everything you want is out there. Get a clear picture and focus on what you want, not what you don’t want. Much happiness to you!

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  7. Cheryl Wilson wrote on :

    Mamacita, I empathize and sympathize; however, I would like to let you and all FOF ladies know that last year, for the first time in our history, the largest segment who contracted sexually transmitted diseases were women over 50! This is a horrific statistic! Please, ladies, carry condoms with you. Men over 50 still lie as much as they did when they were in their 20s and some may not even know they have an STD. Taking a chance can leave you with many problems, not the least of which can be your losing your life! Love gloves, ladies!

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  8. Belinda Boyles wrote on :

    All I can say is, You’re Not Alone!! So many wonderful women in the 50 age group get passed over for the younger hotties, when we actually have so much more to offer in terms of life experience, understanding, compassion, commonality, and wisdom – not to mention, we older gals kick butt!
    Finding the right person for you means the ‘fit’ will be good; you’ll have similar interests, similar energy levels, and similar sex drives. Yes – you’re right about many men in the 50’s age group want a LOT of sex, and you might be slowing down in that area now. You need to be open to different types of sexual exploration and activities than just the regular ‘plain vanilla’ sex. These men take longer to arouse and have issues and complexes about being able to perform, in many cases – and this leads them to ‘prove’ their virility as often as possible, especially in a new relationship. Communication is key. Explore the playful side of your sexuality. Don’t pass off older guys, either – they are a treasure trove of love and fun. The right man for you might be in his late 60’s or in his 70’s – and that’s OK!! The energy level and compatibility are the keys to success over the long run.
    Whatever you do, be fabulous and be YOU – because that’s ENOUGH for the right guy. And don’t give up – keep active, keep out there, and keep looking. He’ll show up where you least expect him, but you’ll miss him if you’re not open to all possibilities. My guy is a WONDERFUL, ACTIVE 78 – and I’m 50 – and we are HAPPIER than we’ve EVER BEEN in ANY relationship! It can happen for you, too!
    Good luck Mamacita!

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  9. CandidaRoyalle wrote on :

    Speaking purely from personal experience, I have found that, as a woman who usually wanted more sex than my partners, except for two serious relationships where we were very well matched, I am finding the opposite to be true now. My libido has definitely lessened, while men of my age seem to want sex right away and a lot of it. I’m wondering if it’s some form of the middle age crises on their part. Perhaps as men get older it’s all the more important to prove their virility. Putting my professional sex advisor hat back on, I think what’s important is to be true to yourself. If you’re not ready for sex with someone, don’t do it. And if you do desire him but don’t want quite as much sex as him, then you need to speak up and communicate your needs to him. If it turns out you two are not well matched, well then, at least you know and it’s time to move on. I like Mrs. Milla’s suggestion of frequenting places where you might meet men who share the same interests as you. I think it just takes longer for us as we get older to find someone who is compatible on enough levels to satisfy us. Be patient, and be true to yourself. He’s out there.

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    • Patricia Jones wrote on :

      Ms Royalle, thank you so much. Your words are very helpful to me, as I have been out of the dating scene for many years, and its very hard to get back in. I know what I like, what I want and need, but as far as dating men my age, I am having a very hard time and your words hit home. Thanks again!

      Reply
    • CandidaRoyalle wrote on :

      You’re very welcome, Mamacita! I speak as much from a woman going through a similar time. After terminating a long relationship that had turned in to an engagement, I have found dating a challenge myself. Not as easy as when we were much younger! Fewer men to choose from, lots more baggage, we know ourselves much more and are not willing to settle, nor are we as malleable as we are when we were young. I speak from e

      You’re very welcome, Mamacita. I speak from experience when I suggest you “be true to yourself”. I let myself be coaxed in to being intimate with someone I liked before I really wanted to and I believe it may have ruined any chance of it going somewhere, because I ended up feeling uncomfortable and emotionally withdrew. It’s amazing how we can get to this age and act as foolish as a young school girl. I’m happy my words were helpful to you. I have a couple of very close women-friends who have found incredibly fulfilling and joyful relationships in their ’60’s. (One kept at it, found him through a dating web site, the other reunited with a beau from high school who reached out to her.) It is possible. The fact that you sincerely want it is the first step to finding him.

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    • Patricia Jones wrote on :

      Thank You again. Yes, I am seriously wanting a meaningful relationship. The ones I had in the past were very unsuccessful, partly due to the fact that I was more concerned about raising my children and did not give enough to the relationship. But you know what, I have no regrets, as I feel I have been very successful in raising wonderful children. But now that they are getting older and have their own lives, I am ready to seek that relationship that I have been longing for for sooooo long.

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  10. Mary Puhala wrote on :

    Snap out of it…all men, if they are healthy…like waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more sex than a woman wants. That’s the way God designed it, and I wish you luck trying to change this fact of life.
    If you really want to find a man…pray…and know what you want. Don’t turn down a guy because he doesn’t look like your type. I met my best friend and eventual husband at 53. He didn’t look anything like what I dreamed of…but he is a dream come true. I wish you luck (and a big dose of libido)

    Reply
    • Patricia Jones wrote on :

      Thank You for your message, and congratulations on your dream come true. Yes, I agree. I have changed my way of thinking, and have no expectations when it comes to looks. I too do not look the way I did 20 or 30 years ago, so I am no even concerned with that, although I know there has to be some sort of attraction. Thanks again!

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    • Mary Puhala wrote on :

      Hi again…hope I wasn’t too harsh sounding. I honestly believe that if you truly desire a good match…he will show up, in probably the most unexpected way…I had to learn patience and in the meantime I tried to work on ME…to make myself more attractive and interesting and more whole as a single person. I would have been fine living by myself the rest of my life…or so I thought. But God had a different plan for me, and I couldn’t be more grateful. I wish you contentment in whatever life hands you…and I will keep you in my prayers…Mamacita.
      God bless you with happiness.

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  11. Jeanna Hofmeister wrote on :

    Oh my gosh, sex is definately part of the 50 relationship and I dread the day it’s not! The important thing in a relationship is to find someone with commonalities who is also secure enough to let you do the things you like without them, hence maintaining your own sense of self. I have to admit, I don’t know many straight men who like to shop. And many of my women friends complain of the opposite issue, that their man doesn’t want to make love anymore. There’s a compromise in there somewhere, but remember, you’re not looking for a clone of yourself, you’re looking for someone who’s way of being is a complement to yours. Good luck!

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    • Patricia Jones wrote on :

      Ms Jenna, Thanks, I realize I am not looking for a clone of myself; however I am not looking for some old horn dog either! As for those women who’s men won’t make love to them anymore, there is a possibility that these men, probably in their 50’s, are seeking younger little hotties and are not sexually attracted to their 50 something partners any more…Sad, but true. I work in an environment FULL of 50 men (all married, with beautiful wives) and they are smitten like little school boys when a young hottie walks in the door. I will hold my head up high and stay true to myself, whether single or in a relationship.

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    • Mary Puhala wrote on :

      I see this at my place of employment also.
      It’s crazy…but I remember a long time ago when I was the little cutie turning heads…I let the hotties in the office flaunt there stuff…while I try to be the best and most efficient worker my company has.
      I don’t get hungry looks from the guys…but I do have their respect…and it’s powerful.

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  12. Karen Canning-Millar wrote on :

    Try joining groups or frequenting places that reflect your interests and you are more apt to find the kind of man you’re seeking. Check out national and local shopping clubs, comedy clubs, travel groups, bird watching groups, etc., however, for the time being I suggest you stay away from sewing stores!!

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    • Patricia Jones wrote on :

      Thank You Mrs Milla! I will take your advice and run with.

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    • StyleGoesStrong41827 wrote on :

      Find yourself a gay guy to hang out with. They make a perfect boyfriend and no sex included. I had my best friend ever in a gay man I knew. When he left this earth my father told me….you had the best of both worlds with him…a great girlfriend and a boyfriend your husband couldn’t be jealous of.

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    • Cheryl Wilson wrote on :

      I LOVE your suggestion! I had the same experience and it is pure gold. Also, if you’re single, a gay guy can teach you a lot about fashion, hairstyles, etc. I know that is an unfair generalization but, for the most part, gay guys are really savvy on what’s going on in the world. Also, let’s face it. They have the same goal that Mamacita has. Both want a man!

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    • Patricia Jones wrote on :

      StyleGoesStrong41827, I didn’t say I wanted NO SEX AT ALL…I said I don’t want a man who wants sex 24 hours a day.

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    • Patricia Jones wrote on :

      Sorry Bluebear, I do not do the gay thing. Have nothing against them, but I do not need to add a male drama queen to the mix.

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    • lisa thurman wrote on :

      so true..

      Reply
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