I’m divorced and my son always spends Thanksgiving with my ex-husband and his new family. I feel left out and would love to be included. What should I do?
I’m divorced and my son always spends Thanksgiving with my ex-husband and his new family. I feel left out and would love to be included. What should I do?
0 Answers
Ellen Falkenberry wrote on :
Start your own Thanksgiving tradition that’s meaningful to you – invite everyone you know who feels left out of other celebrations, those who have nowhere to go. Thanksgiving is a day to treasure what you have, not yearn for what you wish you had.
Christine M Quigley wrote on :
You don’t mention the age of your son, but I assume he’s not little.
Many options open to you! Alternate holidays, visit with friends instead, do a before/after holiday celebration, volunteer. You don’t mention if you’re on good terms with your ex- that can be dicey. Would depend on your comfort level with the ex and the new family if you REALLY want to be included. Having been there, I know it’s not for everyone. Weigh pros and cons for yourself, and your son.
Diana Kelson wrote on :
I don’t know how old your son is, but if he’s old enough to make his own decisions, suggest he have lunch with dad & dinner with you or vise-versa. There’s no reason he needs to spend the entire day with one parent. If he’s still little, talk to your ex about this.
jane cavalli wrote on :
just went to dinner with my boyfriend who always spends holidays with their kids at his ex wifes and new boyfriend there too. Can you all be blended and friendly, contribute and share?
Ruth Roscue wrote on :
Enjoy, have a special at home spa day with your fave fingernail, polish, your favorite at home facial, a at home hair treatment, etc. soft music, and, of course, a nice big steak with all the trimmings, HAPPY THANKFUL DAY.
Diane Hinkle wrote on :
Have your son over the day after or the weekend after or some other time and fix a nice meal. You still will have to share him with his father. Now is a good time to start.
Ivy Pittman wrote on :
If you are on good terms with the new wife, tell her how much it would mean to be a part of the gathering. On the other hand if you are not on good terms tell your son how much it would mean to you if he alternated his Thanksgivings. If he lives close to you both, suggest he come over for desert or vice versa. Hope this helps.
tuscanyb450 wrote on :
My children are grown now but when they were little we would swap holidays. I would have the kids every other year. However, when it was not my time I would have Thanksgiving the weekend prior. Same thing for Christmas 🙂
RDanielson wrote on :
Thanks everyone for the great ideas and words of encouragement. Volunteering sounds like a wonderful way to spend the holidays.
Reggie Teer wrote on :
I have no immediate family except my adult son. On the holidays that he is with his father, I volunteer to visit nursing homes. There are many holiday volunteer opportunities that will make you truly count your blessings.
sharynfireman wrote on :
I understand as I did the same. I went to a food pantry and helped feed those less fortunate. Not only was it a healing experience, but one year my kids came with. Now that they are older and married we share the holidays with my ex and his wife. It makes family gatherings very nice, no jealousy, no issues. I have moved on, travel,go to great events and the ex is now stuck with his same old life.
cjgolden wrote on :
I think it is time for you to make your own Thanksgiving traditions – one which become special to you. Longing to be a part of someone else’s world will only bring about pain and loneliness. However, filling your own world with special times will ease that pain, fill the longing you now have – for you will learn to look forward to your new traditions – those which center around you and those who are in your life now. As for your son, I would think that there are many times when he is spending a special day or time with you and not your ex. Hang onto those moments; be grateful for them; and know that your son is in the middle and wants to share his love and time with both of his parents.
Your homework? Find things you are thankful for and use Thanksgiving Day to celebrate them!
Marty Chiaravelotti wrote on :
My first thought is…where does your son spend other holidays? If with you, I would ask if you include your ex and his family in your celebrations? I have lived in your position for 25 plus years. I honestly understand. Nonetheless, it’s about your boy. If you have not been invited, best to leave as is. Wishing you a very Happy Thanksgiving!
carolyn mirabella wrote on :
Now is the time for you to make new traditions with your son. Perhaps the weekend after Thanksgiving. You might think of some friends to invite for dinner, maybe a friend or two who have noone to share the holiday with. I will keep you in my prayers.
Jeanna Hofmeister wrote on :
There’s no question that having a family post-divorce can be challenging. We now share four daughters with two ex’s and two sets of in laws! What we’ve tried hard to be is the parents who are easy. That, for the most part, has proven to be a winning combination. Because we don’t demand the holidays with our kids, we’ve discovered that, as a rule, they always find time to either share Thanksgiving or Christmas with us. Does your son spend Christmas with you? If he does, consider yourself lucky to have at least one holiday together with him.
Since it’s very unlikely that your ex and his new family will feel comfortable inviting you to their holiday table, I suggest you find a group of women friends (there are so many single, great women out there to be friends with who’d also love holiday company!) with whom you might make an annual tradition of sharing Thanksgiving.
For me, Thanksgiving is absolutely my favorite holiday because there’s no pressure of presents, etc. I hope you create a new tradition for yourself at this lovely time. We all have so much to be thankful for.
Good luck!