I have recently become sexually active , after a years of not having sex because of my husbands illness, he has passed and I am dating, not bed hoping, and when I did have sex I had some light bleeding, I did use a lubricant , is there some way to strengthen the vagina, am I having slight tearing ?

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9 Answers

  1. evelyn resh wrote on :

    As a GYN practitioner who works with many women over 50, I often will see this happen in situations such as yours. The dramatic decrease in estrogen that occurs with peri and post menopause not only reduces vaginal lubrication; it also can radically change the thickness of vaginal tissue and render it essentially non-elasticized. This makes for much higher risk of tears with penetrative sex and more discomfort. I often recommend vaginal estrogen products for women whose vaginal changes associated with aging are significant and don’t easily allow for comfortable penetration. This is in addition to lubricants every time you’re sexually active. Vaginal estrogen is therapeutic. Lubricants don’t actually repair the cellular layers of the lining of the vulvo-vaginal tissue. Using topical estrogen is not the same as taking it orally so don’t worry about an increased risk of cancer. I actually prescribe it for women who have had breast cancer with a wide margin of safety. Less than 25% of women who need this treatment actually receive it. So, if your GYN provider isn’t helping you with this, find someone else who takes your vaginal health and sexual satisfaction seriously.

  2. KMB wrote on :

    I too am a widow. And? Am having the same problem. After seeing my doctor, I was diagnosed with “vaginismus”. I’m not old (55), just old school. I feel inadequate without enough knowledg or experience. But? I did like the advice that CoachChristine gave. It’s worth a try. Right?

  3. ctrygrl65 wrote on :

    Thank you everyone, I went today and she put me on the ring, she said I should notice in a couple of weeks a change. I appreciate all the advice.

  4. ctrygrl65 wrote on :

    Thank you for all the great advise, I was beginning to think I was the only one with this problem, it’s nice to know that others enjoy sex – I can’t wait to experience the new me- after a visit to the GYN LOL Thanks again everyone

  5. nidradeb wrote on :

    Hi Ctrygrl65,
    I too have recently become active after an extended separation and divorce. Keeping in shape for sex and keeping it enjoyable is vital at our age. There are two things I do:
    1. Work out at the gym regularly and ensure my body feels good and is fit. Good exercise are lunges, particularly those that strengthen inner thighs. Also make sure you are doing kegals regularly to keep vaginal muscles in shape.
    2. Supplements that help – others have mentioned vaginal creams/gels and supplemental estrogen. And yes, talk to your gyn and see what will work for you. I take a hormonal supplement called Angeliq and also take an over the counter supplement called Lyriana that supports libido and increases vaginal moisture. I find it works for me.

    These two strategies have made sex at this stage in my life the best ever. I wish you the same!

  6. Kathleen Gansert wrote on :

    I agree with the other comments. It is important to speak with your gynecologist. As we get older, our vaginal walls thin. I was experiencing similar symptoms. My gynecologist prescribed Estring, a vaginal ring that is replaced every 3 months. It is a very low dose of estrogen and has helped to strengthen my vaginal walls. I find that a lubricant is still necessary, but it has really improved my quality of life. The key is to see your doctor and follow their advice.

  7. Cheryl Wilson wrote on :

    Nangnang365 gave you the best advice possible. See your gynecologist asap and tell her your problem. My doc told me that if you don’t use it, you lose it and it has to be resurfaced. I was given Premarim vaginal cream (it too is all natural). The creams plumb the vaginal lining and bring moisture back to them. This takes about three weeks but it is so well worth using. A lubricant doesn’t solve the problem you have. You need a proper medication. No sex can be good if you hurt and then dread the aftermath. Be good to yourself and to your partner. Run to your gynecologist! Good luck to you and I wish you only happiness!

  8. Nancy Goodman wrote on :

    My gyno prescribed estrogen cream to strengthen and rebuild the skin. I was having tearing just like you…and lubricant did not help. The estrogen cream, which was made from yams, worked in about 3 weeks. I used it for maybe 5 weeks total at the lowest dose and was then able to stop. You should ask your gynocologist about this.

  9. Coach Christine wrote on :

    Dear City Girl,

    First I want to send my sympathy to you for the passing of your husband. I understand that you’re dating, not bed hoping and when you had sex you experienced light bleeding.

    I’ll address your question about bleeding and possible tearing first. Because this is something that’s happening to you internally it is best answered by your gynocologist. There truly are a variety of reasons (besides having sex for the first time in a long time) that could cause bleeding. So, please make that appointment right away. Also, during this visit you might also discuss your natural level of lubricant. As we age our vagina’s can become less lubricated and depending on the outcome of your exam your doctor may suggest a specific kind of lubricant for you to use (or medications/hormones/etc.) to insure help you be more comfortable during intercourse.

    I hear that because of your husband’s illness you didn’t have sex for years. I understand that wanting to have sex is normal, natural and necessary for our mental, emotional and physical health and I’m glad to hear you aren’t bed hoping.

    Yes, there are exercises that will strengthen your vagina. I’m curious what prompted your question so I can give you an appropriate answer.

    Because you were with the same man for awhile it can be a huge adjustment to be with someone new. I’d like to mention that feeling emotionally and physically safe and relaxed is very important for a woman to enjoy sex. And in order to feel this way women need to ask their partner for what they want and need sexually and this can feel challenging. So, I’m going to tell you a secret that can make this much easier. Good Men always want to make the women they are with happy and they want to know what makes them happy. So, your job is to figure out what you like (either alone or with him) and tell him. How do you like to be touched? How long? Where? Realize that it might be different on different days or at different times of the month. Then the way you “tell” him is to “show” him. “I like it so much when you do that.” “Oh that feels great, do that more.” “Oh that’s perfect.” “That’s great and it would be even better a little to the left. Oh yeah.” This creates a very empowering feeling inside of women and both people get what they want.

    I realize this is a much much longer answer then you asked for. I hope it is helpful and you keep in touch to let me know how you are doing.

    All the best,

    Coach Christine

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