My 2 best friends died late last year. My friend of 40+ yrs died unexpectedly Sept ’11; another bf Nov ’11 of breast cancer. Both were like sisters to me. Since Jan ’12 my Mom has been very ill & is terminal. Happily married but now very lonely & mired in sadness. How do I get out of my “hole”?

8 Answers

  1. napers wrote on :

    I am so glad this topic has come up. Before I joined FOF I had this happen, and felt I was the only sad person on the planet. I can still feel the ‘ache’ of losing a best friend. I would just get in the car, and let myself howl with the pain and sadness, of an unexpected death of a friend. Just months before I had lost a brother very unexpectedly. On the other hand, my mother died after a long, useless battle with cancer. 10 yrs. long. It is sad to lose anyone, or even my poor old (17) dog, this past summer. None, can be replaced, but loss, is just part of life. How great to have this site, to read about others feeling the same. Thanks for the subject and letting me say some of my thoughts and feelings.

  2. avonlady wrote on :

    I often think about what it would be like if I lost my friends and so this is very appropriate for me right now. I have lost very good friends in the past…many many years ago and I’m still here and lived thru it. I find that it gives you a chance to open yourself up to other people and that has helped me survive the sadness of loosing loved ones.

  3. penmore wrote on :

    Aw, Mommacat, my heart goes out to you. These are tough times indeed. I went through such a time, the year I turned 50. I lost both my parents and a best friend within four months and oh yes, my boyfriend of two years left me for another woman right in the middle of it all. I think you need to allow yourself to grieve for sure. For me spending time alone in nature helped a lot. Then I went to a grief support group. Certain things and people fell away from me during that time. At some point I made a decision to be happy anyway and to not waste another moment of this precious lifetime. That felt like a decision that honored those who were no longer alive. Now some fifteen years later, I am happy to report that my life has never been more joyful and sweet. I cherish my friends old and new and enjoy my grown family. I honor and listen to my elders. I take excellent care of my health. All these things and more are gifts from that hard passage when I really came face to face with losses upon losses. I wish the same for you and send a big hug.

  4. Jeanna Hofmeister wrote on :

    Oh Mommacat! I can see why you’re sad, distracted and feel alone. Getting out of a hole when your deep down in it is always tough. The one thing that never fails me when I hit the wall like that is to “be in action” on things to transform it. Since spring his here, get your hands in the dirt. Begin to grow flowers, vegetables, whatever. Even if it’s just a window herb pot, the signs of life will bring you back to the space where you remember you’re alive. Consider starting something new. Walking? Biking? Yoga? Find things that will keep you healthy and you’ll find they make your mind healthier. The added benefit is that through those activities, you may actually find some new friends who will richly add to the tapestry of your life.

    I also think you’d do well to get some grief counseling. We all react differently to loss in our lives and having an independent person who can listen and coach you gently to move forward can work wonders. Good luck and let me know how you’re doing!


  5. carolyn mirabella wrote on :

    My dear I am so sorry for your losses. I remeber that “hole” very well. It will take time . I try to remember my friends and family who have gone on with their smiles and the wonderful ways they had. My prayers and thoughts are with you. carolyn

  6. Hawklady wrote on :

    Oh Mommacat! Breathe and do it again and again. Exercise and be kind to yourself. Spend time with your mother and make sure she knows what she has meant to you. Your pain is normal but if it becomes too hard to bear, see your doctor or spiritual advisor. Heck, see them both. Take those deep breaths and get back to us with how you are doing. Unfortunately, as we get older loss becomes a part of our lives.

  7. Great Days wrote on :

    I feel your pain. I too am happily married, have two great adult children and am a new grandmother. I did not get to share so much of this with my two best friends or father. BFF #1 died in ’95 after a five year battle with cancer. She was 38. BFF #2 died in ’98 after a six week battle with cancer. (Today would be her 52nd BD). Three years later I lost my Dad suddenly on the same day that BFF #2 died. For those six years I never cried so much and learned so much about life. Until then I feared death. However, when it hits you in threes you actually learn to embrace it as just a part of what makes you stronger. Today, I have many dear friends but, sadly none as close as the two that “got away”. However, they like my Dad are in a much better place and continue to be a warm spot in my heart…….So my advice to you is to be strong, look at pictures, write about them and, I promise one day your tears and sadness will become smiles and joy just because they were a part of your life.

  8. Barbann1964 wrote on :

    Hello, I am very sorry that you have had so much loss lately. Understand that healing from these losses takes time, don’t expect to rebound over night. It is good that you have a good marriage, that you aren’t totally alone facing this. I find when I am going through hard times, times when I don’t understand things, it helps to journal everything and pray. My relationship with God is extremely important and praying, journaling and also listening to music helps alot. Talking to friends helps too.

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