What should I do now that I have had the realization that my closest friend of 21 years is narcisist? For whatever reason I have tolerated it all of this time. I think it just hasn’t mattered because if I had a need, it was met elsewhere. This time, it matters. A lot.
0 Answers
Casafina wrote on :
Well if this were me? I would appreciate that FINALLY you were able to recognize that she is this way and that you no longer want to tolerate it. That in itself is a big step since you had not done anything for the first 21 years. If you want to continue to live the “it’s all about her show” then say nothing but if you want to have her in your life in the future, be honest and tell her how you feel. If you have been her doormat and have allowed this behavior your friend knows no ther way to be with you than this. If you want her to respect you and have two sided relationship than ask her for it. She can’t read your mind. But you also have to ask your self “do you really want this relationship?” Life is too short for so so kinda maybe! Good luck and go with your gut!
carolyn mirabella wrote on :
As the years go by, all of us change in our priorities. Our needs change and what we need from friends and what they need from us change. Be honest with your friend and tell that friend what you need from them. They will either be able to listen, etc. for you or you may have to go to another friend. Good luck
JLB1962 wrote on :
Thank you so much for your input; it reinforces what I came to on my own. She is not going to change, I am not going to change her. After all of this time I am not willing to let the relationship go even though it is dysfunctional. There is nothing really new here, just a new circumstance. This relationship has endured because as a general rule, I am not very needy and when I am, the need gets filled elsewhere. And your last point of expanding my circle of confidants is exactly what I need to do. Really, that is at the core of what has disturbed me so; that I invested so much into someone who gives so little in return, even when there is very little required. As long as the subject at hand is related to her, in any way shape form or fashion….. her kids, her grandchild, her job, her husband, her family, her home, her church…….I could go on and on; she is genuinely interested and fully present. I guess I am angry at myself for allowing this all of these years. I suppose I should be thankful that I can FINALLY see it, the light switch is FULLY on now. Moving on to greener pastures…
Jeanna Hofmeister wrote on :
As hard as it may be, I think you have to accept is the fact that you can’t make your friend change. People who by nature are self absorbed will not suddenly see the light, even though I am betting after 21 years, this friend truly does care for you and seems poor at expressing compassion. I think you should expand your circle of confidants and close friends to help you through what sounds like a difficult time. Perhaps consider a personal coach, counseling or even some life training (I recommend the Landmark Forum) to get clear about who you are in the world and to rediscover that you have all the power to create everything you want in life. You truly do. I wish you my best.