My husband is ready to retire, I’m still trying to get out of the empty nest syndrome, haven’t quite found myself yet…..now…he wants to downsize, I mean get of everything, thirty one years worth of kids things saved since they started school! I told him I was ready, I’m not!
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Cheryl Wilson wrote on :
What your husband wants to do is what I am doing right now. He wants to declutter his life and start a new chapter with you. There is nothing whatsoever wrong with that and thousands of couples are doing so everyday. You give your kids the stuff you saved all those years and allow them to decide what to do with it. My 80 year old Aunt is using her good china, her crystal and her sterling every single day. She finally awakened and said she couldn’t understand why she didn’t do it sooner, as it just sat there in a china cabinet unused. You are older now and you need to understand that much of the past is just that. It’s gone. What about the rest of your lives? Why not concentrate on it? I lost everything, my sons’ baby photos, everything I owned, in a fire when I was 40. I cried for days. Then, I picked myself up and started again. Just think of all those homes lost this year in the fires in the West! My Aunt lost her home in Hurricane Ike. You CAN move on and you have the advantage of your decision, not a disaster making it for you. Sell as much as you can. MOVE to a smaller home and begin your new life. You will never be sorry! This is the time to reconnect with your husband. He’s feeling ready to move on and you should too. You began your young life with him and him alone. Children came and now they are gone. Try and get back the feelings you had when the kids weren’t there. Your struggling with empty nest might just indicate you entwined your life with your children as the focus. Perhaps, your marriage now needs that focus. Deciding together what you will keep and what you won’t would be a good way to begin that focus! Be honest with your husband and tell him your misgivings and ask him for help deciding how to move on. You seem to have lost honest communication with him. In the end, those “things” are just objects. You and he are human beings. Which ones can you do without? Him or the things?
debbemac@gmail.com wrote on :
um, hello, I am the person who asked the question here. I have feelings also for many reasons that most people have, it would be a book if I wroe it all!
You really got into this and wrote too much against me and it hurt my feelings plus made me quite angry. My husband and I have an excellent relationship, we have actually had long talks about it. You see, its hard for him to understand because he ALWAYS traveled, he wasn’t here to raise the kids. I truly understand his side, he was working for us, but, it adds alot more to the layers of this life together. We adore each other. I don’t know what your children (if you have any) did to you, but I like mine and quess what, I like them back! YOU WERE THE ONLY PERSON THAT DIDN’T UNDERSTAND AND WAS JUST MEAN! Be careful, don’t hurt anyone else with your words! Oh, and by the way, OF COURSE MY CHILDREN WERE MY FOCUS!!
Karen Canning-Millar wrote on :
Dear friend. Talk to him about it. Perhaps before you put things away there’s stuff you need to put on the table! Regardless, you will not find yourself as long as you maintain as is. You will simply be holding your post… with too little to do but reminisce (silently grieve). Nothing gets us “ready” like DOING! So, don’t wait to be ready… get a move on and start the momentous job of packing yesterday neatly away, taking time to celebrate all the sweet and sad moments with your children. While you’re at it… put together a scrap book (I required a small treasure chest!) of your favorite saved items and make one for each of them. If they’re anything like mine… they’ll love it! In the meantime, prepare for your husbands retirement and create a list of things to do and places to go … together and separately (you’re gonna need some time of your own!). List all the things you’ve thought about doing that weren’t practical to do when your kids were at home. Now’s your time to explore the multitude of possibilities. I’m a genuinely happy empty-nester. I have my work until I want (with no guilt) and have so much time for my wonderful mate. We travel… cook (or not)… do whatever we want in the house (he’s naked A LOT)! I don’t sit around and miss my kids, instead, I put a lot of time and effort planning the next event that brings us all together. Christmas on the beach or in the mountains… 4th of July in Nashville… fall getaway in Boston, etc… we have such fun! You will, too. Change your thinking and your feelings will follow suit and happy days will be here again!! Truly.
MsBetsyKarp wrote on :
Hi :)) So it is so important in life that you honor what feels right for you . It is so vital that you be honest first with yourself of what you want and need , then be truthful and share that with your husband. Maybe get quiet , meditate , talk a walk and just really think about what you need. It is so important to communicate. Go and See “Hope Springs” it’s all about really opening up the channels of communication, and getting your needs met and sharing that truth with each other….I hope this helps…Betsy@iadoreme.com
debbemac@gmail.com wrote on :
Thank you so much Betsy.