During the last few months, we gave 12 FOF couples or singles the chance to win one of Sinclair Institute’s outstanding sex education videos. Sinclair has been helping people rev up their sex lives since 1991 and is the leading source of sexual health products and videos in the United States. Over four million videos in Its Better Sex Video Series® have sold in over 30 countries. Featuring real couples in loving and committed relationships, the videos explain and show us the stuff that turns them–and will turn you–ON!
We asked contest entrants which video they would most like to win. Then, we interviewed the winners–asking them to “bare all” about their sex lives. After they receive and watch the video of their choice, we will follow up and publish the interview here on the SEXcellent blog.
Below is an interview with FOF Julia of Atlanta, who entered with her husband, Sam.
How long have you and Sam been married?
Fifteen years. It’s my third marriage and Sam’s first. He’s a bit younger than I am. He’s 51 and I’m 62.
Do you have children?
Neither one of us has any kids.
How did you meet?
In 1985, before I married my second husband, we bought a condo. Sam was the contractor who came to paint the walls. He became a family friend.
When did you become a couple?
Thirteen years later–in 1998. My second husband and I had just divorced, and I moved in with my sister. She was looking for a contractor to do some work on her place, so I called Sam. We started dating soon after.
Had you always had chemistry with him? Even when you were married to your second husband?
Yes. When I met him in 1985 he was a kid–just 38. I was a good bit older. But he was a very handsome young man. There were some sparks then. And I never stopped thinking of him that way. We saw each other reasonably often through my 17-year marriage, and it was always that electricity between us. I knew he felt the same way. It was pretty obvious.
When you called him after your divorce, do you think you were hoping something would happen, or did you just need a contractor?!
I was hoping. I mean, I could have just picked up the phone book and found anyone to fix our roof, but I called him.
How long did you date before you got married?
Did you have good sexual chemistry once you started dating?
Oh yes. Always.
Were you nervous about the age difference?
Not in the beginning. I’m more nervous about it now. I’m a health nut. I run a lot. I used to lift weights. When we met I was in the best shape of my life. But about five years ago, my body started changing. I’ve got wrinkles. I can’t keep up with him in some ways. It bothers me. I don’t want to be a burden on him.
Do you talk to him about it?
He always insists I’m being silly. My family has longevity and his does not, and he’s convinced he’ll die before I do.
Do your concerns affect your sex life?
Every once in awhile I feel ugly, and I feel like my body is not as pretty as it was. It affects how open I am in bed.
What do you hope to get out of these videos?
I’d love to boost my libido a bit. I do everything I can to keep my sex drive up, including taking HRT [hormone replacement therapy]–estrogen, testosterone and progesterone–and exercising. But still, reaching climax during sex takes more time and effort than it used to. It’s so easy just to say, ‘I’m tired.’ We work hard to keep the romance in our lives, but sometimes I fear the loss of libido.
When you say you “work hard”–what do you do?
A lot of little things. I ‘sext’ him, and he does that to me also. We call each other during the day to say ‘I’m thinking about you.’ I buy and wear a lot of lingerie that he likes. We tell each other all the time how much we love each other. We always hold hands–like when we’re sitting in the car. There’s not many times that we’re not touching each other when we’re together. And we have a date night which is really important to me. We make it a big deal, and we both get dressed up and leave our phones at home.
Are there specific things you’d like more of during sex? Things you’d like to try or do?
We’re both very adventuresome and don’t have a lot of barriers. We like to experiment. We’re open and willing to try anything, so I can’t think of anything I want more of.
What about Sam? Are there things he would like to change?
He’s been having some problems with ED [erectile dysfunction] for the last year. And he’s having difficulty facing those problems. I’m encouraging him to go to a doctor. He has no problem with getting excited, but has trouble maintaining an erection. It had gotten to the point where he was nervous about having sex, and I thought, we have to do something. I found this ring [a penis ring] online, and it helps. But I’ve got to get him to the point where he can admit the problem and get it taken care of.
Do you talk about these issues with each other?
Yes–we’re very open. I’m probably the more adventuresome one. But he says he’s so happy. Many friends our age tell us they don’t have sex anymore. Sam always says, ‘can you imagine?’ We still have sex a lot.
What’s ‘a lot’?
Three or four times a week. Sometimes more if our schedules are clear.
When was the last time you had great sex?
You two seem to have a very active sex life. Do you feel the need to keep it at this level forever? Would you be okay with less sex?
I would like to keep it at the same level as long as possible. I know age might slow us down, and if that happens, it happens. But as long as we can, we’re going to work on it, because we both love each other and love sex with each other.
How would you compare your sex life with Sam to your sex life with your other husbands?
He is by far my most sexually compatible husband. My first husband was a sexual addict and he kind of put me off sex . . and then he died, so that’s another story. And my second husband was very controlling, so I ended up not wanting him to touch me. With Sam, we love each other, we respect each other, and we are in love with each other. Sam is my companion, my friend–and that’s really what it takes.
What would you tell other FOFs about being with a younger man?
I think that I did it the right way. I think a lot of women marry older men, and it’s more difficult to keep the energy flowing that way. Over time, you can feel like you aren’t desirable and desired anymore. For me, the key to keeping a good sex life has been using HRT. I can understand how women who don’t use it would have a tough time keeping up their sex lives.
It seems like, despite some concerns, you still have a pretty fulfilling sex life at 62.
Yes, it’s not a huge issue yet, but give me another 10 years. Ten years ago I would have said there’s no problem, and now I’m starting to see the issues.
AFTER WATCHING THE VIDEO, 12 WAYS TO BOOST YOUR LIBIDO AND BECOMING ORGASMIC
“We are the most adventuresome, sexual people we know,” says Julia. “We have sex three to four times a week. It’s a very important part of our lives.” But in her “before” interview, Julia said she was concerned that she’s losing her libido a bit–especially since she’s older than Sam. Here, the “after,” she reveals what they learned.
How did you watch the videos?
We watched them together, in bed.
Any thoughts before you watched it? Were you nervous? Excited?
We weren’t nervous. We are very open about anything sexual, so we were interested to see if we’d see something we could take away from them .
What was your first impression?
It’s very well done. I was impressed that is was very erotic, but not pornographic. I have no problem with pornography, but my husband I both didn’t feel like we were watching pornography. That said, we didn’t see anything that was very new for us. As I said, we are very adventurous, sexually, and we didn’t think that these videos really pushed our limits.
So you thought they were a little tame?
Well, not that it was tame. I mean, it ‘s really right for most of the women I know. I have so many friends who have walked away from sex as they’ve gotten older. They don’t touch themselves…they don’t have orgasms. I have a friend who told me she wished her husband would hurry up and lose his testosterone so she could stop having sex! She dreads Friday night because that’s their “sex night.” I think these films are very important for people who have lost their lust.
Did you learn anything about how to have a better orgasm?
The biggest thing I got from that video was to communicate. You have to be able to tell your partner what you need. Sex is such a normal part of life—I mean, most of us are doing it. But if you can’t open up to the person you’re having sex with, who can you open up to? There was some very good technical information. It could help you figure out exactly what works for you.
You mentioned that you’ve struggled with low libido. Did the libido tape help you with that?
Yes, well, it can take me longer to reach orgasm because I have some hormonal issues. I had a complete hysterectomy. The libido video really showed you how to have oral and anal sex and how to enjoy it. I enjoyed watching it. It was erotic and stimulating . . . although a lot of it was stuff we already do.
It sounds like you’re already pretty knowledgeable when it comes to sex! Is there information in the videos that you agreed with? Stuff you think other FOF women need to know.
For me, the most important thing it told you was that you need to know how to bring yourself to orgasm. I’ve spoken to women who say they’re ‘not sure’ if they’ve had an orgasm. That breaks my heart. You need to experiment and find out what works for you. Buy a toy!
Also, the video stressed how important it is to tell your partner what you need. I grew up in the Bible Belt south, and when I was a kid–and still, now–sexuality was considered a dirty thing. It was a huge taboo for women to talk about sex. I was brought up to be correct and proper, and it took me a long time to get over those inhibitions. The video really gets at that…you need to learn to enjoy your sexuality.
So you’d recommend it to other FOF women?
I would surely recommend it to other FOF women. I also plan on sharing it with a few younger people. Even though Sam and I are pretty experienced, even we got a good reminder to appreciate each other’s sexuality. It reinforced our need to flirt with one another other. There’s more to it than touching bodies. It’s about touching souls.
Anything else you want to add?
I just want to say that I loved the little BonBon vibrator they sent along with the movies. It was powerful and very fun. We just put it between us and it’s like added stimulation for both. Like having a threesome!
So what did you do after you watched the video?
We had a fun night! We didn’t have to build up to it, because the video had built us up already!